Category: With

Goes With Milk & Orange Juice

7/12/2016

I think that's gross. I know people do it, but there's no excuse for substiuting orange juice for milk in your breakfast cereal. Orange juice belongs on the side of a nice plate of bacon, maybe some scrambed, a slice of toast, NOT mixed in with your Cheerios. What kind of savage decided that was a good idea.

There's nothing better then cereal in the morning, except for a crisp $100 bill. Cereal is such a trademark of early school mornings where the parents don't have the time to pop down a toaster strudel in the toaster. Cereal is for the lazy at heart.

Forewarning now, this Tasty Tuesday does not attempt to teach you how to make your own cereal, but instead incorporate cereal into your daily life. And, yes this basic bitch included a recipe for rice krispy treats.

Recently, I read about Baby Boomers judging us, the youngins, for not eating cereal for breakfast. We're essentially pisssing on American culture, by going to Starbucks and getting that delicious outmeal with all the dried fruit and brown sugar in the morning. Like, I'm sorry Susie, but isn't it time to put in your catheter?

I can't handle these old people with judgmental crusty asses. Sit down. Get off my dick. I'm sorry Frank, but we don't like homophobia and racism. Honestly, don't they have better things to do, then pass a side eye at us for not eating cereal.

I've always been on and off with cereal. I tend to skip breakfast. I'm not hungry. It's not my scene, but there are times when a good bowl of Life cereal hits the spot. Especially if you put some blueberries in it. Maybe chop up some bananas. It makes me feel healthy.

I have a very boring taste in cereal. It's all very simple, I have dentures kind of food. I love me some Grape Nuts, like the grandma I am. Clearly I'm down with the Life. And, I have been known to enjoy some Corn Flakes in my spare time.

Now, I'm not sure why I never got into all those artificially flavor, hyped up with sugar cereals, my parents always kept me in the cart, there weren't having any of that.

Frosted Corn Flakes are pretty good. I feel my arteries dying, but I'll munch on that any day. Fruity Pebbles have always been too much for me. Their so small. It takes me ten years to get it all out. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I don't have time for this bullshit in the morning. It's the same with Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop, out of my life.

If I'm going for sweet cereal I do like my Lucky Charms. I feel a draw to them. My father's ancestry runs Irish and I feel connected to my people that way.

Also a fun fact about cereal is that the first cereal was created by a vegetarian (not a vegan thank god). It happened in 1863 by a man named James Caleb Jackson. Apparently her ran a sanitorium. Isn't that just a great hearty fact to convince you that cereal is made for you.

#NeverTrump

RECIPES:
Banana Bran Muffins
1 cup of Flour
¾ teaspoon of Baking Soda
½ teaspoon of Salt
2 tablespoons of Shortening
¼ cup of Sugar
1 Egg
2 tablespoons of Milk
2 cups of Bananas
3 ½ ounces of Pineapple Tidbits
1 cup of Bran

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Sift the flour, baking soda, and salt together, then set aside.

Cream the shortening and sugar until it is light and fluffy. Add the egg, milk, banana, and pineapple tidbits, stirring to combine. Stir in the bran, letting it stand until it softens.

Add the flour mixture, stirring until all of the flour is moistened. Spoon the mixture into greased muffin pans and bake for 35 minutes.

Corn Flake Crusted Chicken
4 Chicken Breasts
3 cups of Corn Flakes
2 tablespoons of Butter
1 Egg
1 teaspoon of Water
Salt
Pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Combine, salt and pepper. Covering the chicken breasts on front and back Mix egg and water in a bowl. Crush cornflakes and mix in butter. Dip chicken breasts into egg and water mixture and roll in the cornflake crust to coat. Bake for 30 minutes or until done.

Rice Krispy Treats
¼ cup of Butter
4 cups of Marshmallows
5 cups of Rice Krispies

Melt butter in large sauce pan over low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until melted and well blended. Cook 2 minutes longer, stirring constantly. Remove from heat.

Add cereal. Stir until well coated.

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Ray Not Roy

5/17/2016

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The most recent question on the tip of everyone's tongue is, “who is Becky with the good hair?” Iggy Azalea says its a racist slur against white people and Beyonce is letting us read between the lines while Drakes lays out the name and social security of the girls that have wronged him on Views.

The beyhive in it's confusion to attack the mistress of Hip Hop mogul Jay-Z, mistakenly went for Rachael Ray. TV show host, cook, innocent victim. The beyhive was looking for Rachel Roy, relatively unknown fashion designer. The woman who is rumored to be behind the Solange/Jay Z elevator assault a few years ago.

Rachael Roy and her obscurity seem to be the most likely bet for “Becky with the good hair”, especially with her questionable instagram captions. Although, Jay-Z protege Rita Ora has been side eyed. She's gorgeous and she has good hair. But, I digress.

With the recent attacks on Rachel Ray, I thought there was a need for some good will.

Rachael Ray was heralded and lauded by Oprah and much like her book club it was a major success. The last time I watched Rachael Ray's show was when Hilary and Hailey Duff was on, but that's beside the point. Anything Oprah recommends has to be good. Oprah is so amazing that I don't even feel like I'm qualified to follow her on twitter.

My great aunt really loves Rachael Ray's show. Of course my aunt loves anything and everything that could be on TV. Even televangelists.
I've always found Rachael Ray to be overflowing with personality and pep. She's like the cool Aunt who might be a little cool, but she's also fun. Like you can make a mess in her kitchen and she just grabs a paper towel and feeds you a bowl of uncooked cookie dough batter. You feel me. I think we'd get it.

She's also a lying bitch.

Fuck her and all of those 30 minute meals. Now I say this with love and affection. But, this bitch. These are not 30 minutes meals if I have to prep something for 4 hours before. Now I understand you've got to have your brand and easy, suburban realness is her aesthetic, I just don't have 4.5 hours to be in the kitchen or preparing for a meal.

My mother bought her cookbook. Maybe one? Maybe two? I really don't go in her cupboards, but I know my mother has some of her books.

I don't think that Rachael should be too upset over this Rachel Roy mix up. It's good for business. People are laughing. Having a good time and if your going to be publicly harassed it might as well be on the grounds that you have “good hair.”

I wish Rachael Ray all the best. I won't be watching, but all those nice nursing homes and houses on the outskirts of LA county have to have something to watch and I support that.

RECIPES:
Strawberry Lemonade
1 Pint of Strawberries
Fresh Mint
1/2 cup of Sugar
6 cups of Mineral Water
12 juiced Lemons

Add the berries and mint to a glass pitcher and muddle with a wooden spoon.

In a large pot, add the sugar, to taste, and 2/3 cup of water. Cook over medium heat until the sugar dissolves. Pour over the strawberries.

Stir in the lemon juice and fill the pitcher with the remaining water. Chill or pour over ice and serve.

Honey Vanilla Lemonade
2 cups of Sugar
1/2 cup of Honey
2 cups of Water
1 Vanilla Bean
2 1/2 cups of fresh Lemon Juice

In a large saucepan, combine the sugar, honey and two cups water and place over medium-high heat. Cut the vanilla bean in half lengthwise, then, using the back of the knife, scrape the vanilla seeds from the pod and add to the saucepan, along with the pod. Bring the mixture to a boil and cook for 4-5 minutes, until the sugar is dissolved and the mixture thickens. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Put the lemon juice into a gallon jug or pitcher. Pour the sugar syrup through a strainer into the pitcher and discard the pod. Add water to equal one gallon and stir well.

Serve over ice

Ginger Lemonade
2 cups of Sugar
2 cups of Water
2 cups of fresh Lemon Juice
1/4 cup of thinly slice Ginger

Combined the sugar, water and ginger in a small pot and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Let the sugar dissolve but not caramelize.

While the sugar water comes up to a boil, squeeze the lemons into a pitcher, discarding the seeds and rind. Add ice to the lemon juice until it comes about halfway up the sides of the pitcher. Strain the ginger-infused sugar syrup into the lemon juice then top it off with some water.

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Holiday Cooking With...

5/3/2016

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As usual your favorite blogger was struggling to determine a Tasty Tuesday topic.

Then, as it often does, it hit me like a wrecking ball, known as Andrew Lowe. I believe he was swinging from a crane at the moment it happened.

I love Andrew Lowe and I've been trying to find a time to work him into my blog and I never found the perfect moment, until now. He's one of my favorite youtubers. I would say he's the best and I would say I'm “obsessed” but those are stalker words.

Now, your asking me how does Andrew Lowe work into a Tasty Tuesday? It's simple my beloved eight readers. He has this wonderful series called “Holiday Cooking With Andrew”. Which, has seasons. It's legit. It's basically like watching the Food Network, but with better recipes. He's just always so well put together and most of these videos rarely take place over the holidays.

I first discovered Andrew Lowe from one of my coworkers. I love her. I can say I'm obsessed with her, because she's so cute and tiny. She's my potato. She told me about him and she said that I would love his humor. That I would get him.

And, she was right. My little potato truly understands me.

Andrew Lowe is great. It's like Troye Sivan who? Tyler Oakley who? That guy with the really pretty blue eyes who? He's the best. All he needs is a singing career to complete it all.

His humor is very me. It's all self deprecating and wonderful. It does make me low key worried about him sometimes, but it's okay. We're millenial's none of us are really doing that great right. It's kind of our thing.

Fun fact about Andrew is that he has lesbian moms. I want two moms. I want two cute lesbian moms who love me unconditionally. And, because of this I always imagine his father as Ross Gellar, even when his father was in a video, I was still expecting David Schwimmer.

I'm also low key in love with Andrew. We're the same age, which I personally think is really exciting. I love it when people the same age as me have done more with their life then I ever will. Not that I care that Lorde had a number one hit and a platinum selling album before she was eighteen. It doesn't bother me at all.

I put my confession of my celebrity youtube crush on him on social media, tumblr to be specific, and it went viral. I didn't event tag it and it got 15 notes. And, I was like who knows I might end up like Dan and Phil.

http://bubblerighted.tumblr.com/post/114986329742/i-kind-of-have-a-crush-on-andrew-lowe-tbh

Below are some fantastic recipes. I've also included some of Andrew's videos. I could try to recreate some of Andrew's recipes, but it wouldn't be quite the same. You just have to experience live through your flip phone or wireless tablet.

RECIPES:
Chicken Quesadillas
1 pound of shredded Chicken
2 tablespoons of Canola Oil
1 Onion
1 Red Bell Pepper
4 cloves of Garlic
1 teaspoon of Cumin
¼ fresh Cilantro
Flour Tortillas
2 cups of Colby Jack
Guacamole
1 cup of Sour Cream
Pico de Gallo

Saute the onion, red bell pepper, and garlic in the canola oil until softened. Add the cumin and chicken, mixing well. Set aside.

Spoon the chicken mixture into half of the flour tortilla, sprinkle with cheese and cilantro, then using a griddle, lightly brown the tortilla on both sides.

Serve with guacamole, sour cream, and pico de gallo.

Mac & Cheese
12 ounces of cooked Egg Noodles
1 ½ cup of Milk
1 cup of Heavy Cream
2 teaspoons of Flour
½ teaspoons of Salt
¼ teaspoons of Pepper
2 cups of grated Fontina Cheese
¾ cups of Parmesan Cheese
¾ cups of Mozzarella Cheeese
2 tablespoons of fresh Parsley

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

Whisk the milk, heavy cream, flour, salt, and pepper, blending well. Stir in 1 cup of the fontina cheese, ½ cup of the Parmesan cheese, ½ cup of the mozzarella cheese, and parsley. Add the noodles, tossing to coat them well. Pour the mixture into a buttered baking dish.

Combine the 1 cup of fontina cheese, ¼ cup of Parmesan cheese, and ¼ cup of mozzarella cheese, then sprinkle them over the noodles. Bake for 15 minutes or until the sauce bubbles and the cheese melts, and begins to brown.

Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

Broccoli Salad
1 bunch of Broccoli
1 cups of Mozzarella Cheese
½ cup of Red Onion
8 slices of Bacon
¼ cup of Sugar
1 tablespoon of Red Wine Vinegar
½ cup of Mayonnaise

Combine the broccoli, mozzarella cheese, red onion, and bacon mixing well. Set aside.

Heat the sugar and red wine vinegar to a simmer, allowing the sugar to melt. Let cool for 5 minutes.

Combine the mayonnaise and red wine vinegar mixture, whisking until is smooth. Pour it into the broccoli salad, stirring to coat well. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

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From Dinner... With Love

2/9/2016

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Valentine's Day is this Sunday. Or at least that's what I've been told.

Valentine's is a great holiday. It's spawned many wonderful movies. I think the movie Valentine's Day was very inspired by it. Also, the Valentine's Day Massacre. It's just a great day of love and having money spent on you. It's the first major holiday after the drunken, stumbling mess that is New Year's Eve.

I personally love Valentine's Day. I always celebrate. I wrote about it last year for this Tasty Tuesday. You can read that here. I bake a cake. I watch a romantic comedy. Alone. It's not as tragic as it sounds. This year I'm going into work. Yeah!!!

So, there I was in my MIS class, not listening to my professor, when I said to myself, what am I going to write about, basically what I always think when it comes to Tasty Tuesday's.

Then, it sort of stumbled upon me. What do people do on Valentine's Day? They usually go out to a nice dinner. Maybe see a play after that. There are flowers. Usually red roses. The man leaves a nice tip, unless we're stereotype breaking heterosexual couple or two nice lesbians. My favorite kind of couple personally.

Some of us cannot afford to go out. That's why I, your favorite blogger, am giving you a nice three course dinner to prepare for the night. It screams sex and love. Just don't get pregnant or an STD.

Recently, I've started spending a lot of time with couples. One of them broke up. It saves money in February, but the other two are intact. The gays are going to do something exciting I'm sure. I won't be there. I believe in third wheeling like all good single people, but I do draw the line once in a while. Occasionally I believe couples need “space” and to spend “alone time together”.

I've never dated over Valentine's Day, so I really don't know what the ritual is, but I'm not expecting them to fuck it up.

In the words of Erika Jayne, “I spend all of my time with gay men and strong women.”

That's why I'm surprised I spend as much as I do with this other couple. They're very heterosexual. I'm actually friends with the boyfriend in this relationship and I love that little shit (he's actually taller then me, but that's not the point) like a brother, but if anyone is going to fuck up Valentine's Day it's going to be him.

I'm wishing him the best of luck. I love their love. I ship them so hard it's ugly, but he's so straight it hurts and I'm watching this train wreck with my hand in front of my eyes.

I hope all of you spend this consumer holiday with the one's you love. Whether that be your dog or your cat. If not you can always hire an escort and prepare this dinner for them. Just make sure that the agency is reputable, because getting shanked on Valentine's Day is not the story you want your grand children hearing about you.

RECIPES:
Blarney Stones
4 Egg Yolks
1 cup of Sugar
3 tablespoons of Warm Water
1 cup of Flour
1/3 teaspoons of Baking Powder
4 Egg Whites

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees

Combine all of the ingrdients, mixing well. Pour the batter into a greased baking pan and bake for 25 minutes.

NOTE: Nothing screams romance like a bread product called “blarney stones”

Tournedos and Bearnaise Sauce
¼ cup of Tarragon Vinegar
½ cup of Water
2 teaspoon of Tarragon
1 tablespoon of slice Green Onions
3 Egg Yolks
½ cup of Butter
6 Filets of Beef
2 tablespoons of Butter
½ teaspoon of Salt
1/8 teaspoon of Pepper

Bearnaise Sauce
Combine the tarragon, vinegar, water, and green onion. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Reduce heat, simmer, uncovered, for 8-10 minutes or until the liquid is reduced to ¼ cup. Strain the mixture into the top of a double boiler.

With a wire whisk, beat in the egg yolks. Cook over hot, boiling water, beating constantly, until the mixture begins to thicken. Beat in the ½ cup of butter, 1 tablespoon of thyme, beating well after each addition. Keep warm. Add just enough cold water to the hot water in the bottom of the double boiler to make it lukewarm.

Filets
Brush the filets with 2 tablespoons of butter and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Broil for 5 minutes, turn, and brush with remaining butter, salt, and pepper. Broil for another 5 minutes.

Serve with Bearnaise sauce poured over the top.

NOTE: Perfect for the carnivorous appetite of your lover.

Isn't this romantic?

Mexican Wedding Cake
2 cups of Sugar
2 cups of Flour
2 teaspoons of Baking Soda
20 ounces of crushed Pineapple (Do not drain)
2 Eggs
3 ounces of softened Cream Cheese
¼ cup of Butter
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1-2 cups of Powdered Sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Combine the sugar, flour, baking soda, crushed pineapple, and eggs beating well. Pour the batter into a prepared cake pan, and bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean

NOTE: Included in last year's Tasty Tuesday, this is the perfect closer for your meal, so your lover knows what your true intentions are with them.

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Peanut Butter Jelly Time

12/1/2015

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It's 4:00 in the morning when I was asked, “Do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

This all started the night before. I was going bowling as one does. It was for charity and I was with the President and his boyfriend. I think I did a great job bowling personally. Everyone said that I “bowl angry.” They said that I “throw the bowl down the lane.” And as I said to them “Isn't the point to get the ball down the lane.”

It was amazing. First game I was in 4th place. Second game slipped into 5th. There were five of us bowling. I guttered it multiple. Honestly, the worst part of bowling is that they make you wear flats.

After this nightmare, he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his boyfriend. I was like of course. I enjoy their company. I had nothing better to do with my life. And, unbeknownst to me at the time I'd lost my keys.

It was honestly such a great night. We watched Kill Bill. His friends came over. Did a few shots of tequila. I the innocent homosexual does not like tequila and enjoyed my refreshing glass of water. In the words of the boy who did six shots of tequila, “I'm not drunk man! You don't even know me.”

They played Super Mario Smash Brothers at some point. I played a game. As Peach. I did a terrible job, but with my inability to get into the action I ended up in second place. The thing I learned that night is that straight boys like to use the word “pussy” a lot. It was a lot for me to handle.

We also baked chocolate chip cookies. I ate the raw cookie dough of Toll House and I'm sure everyone was disappointed that I didn't die of salmonella poisoning. Maybe next time.

It was after everyone left. At 4:00 in the morning that I was asked if I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I said yes. I am allergic to peanut butter, but not in the way that if I come in contact with it I'm going to die.

It turned out that there was enough strawberry jam for two sandwiches and I ended up with two slices of bread and nutella. It made me feel like a Belgian school boy. That is how life is supposed to be. This is what college is about.

Six hours later. 10:00 am I start to think about life. What really is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich other then a comforting reminder of your childhood. A quick midnight snack. I felt inspired.

As a child I always had a peanut butter sandwich for elementary school. I wasn't progressive enough for jelly. The crusts were always cut off. I would have my capri sun. Maybe an apple sauce if I was feeling particularly feisty that day.

That's what inspired me to compile recipes that reflect what a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is. It's a feeling.

And, in exciting news. After realizing I lost my keys and getting home at 2:00 in the afternoon, my parents now think I fucked my dear friend. If only they knew how G rated my night was.

RECIPES:
Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal
1/2 cup of Water
1/2 cup of Milk
Salt
1/3 cup of Oats
1 tablespoon of Sugar
2 tablespoons of Peanut Butter
1 tablespoon of Jelly

In a medium saucepan, bring the water and milk to a boil. Add the oats and salt.
Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes. Allow it to sit for 1 minute.

Stir in the sugar ,peanut butter and jelly.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Cocktail
2 ounces of Vodka
1 ounce of Strawberry Puree
1 ounce of Hazelnut Liqueur
1 ounce of Black Currant Liqueur
1 Whole Strawberry

Fill a shaker with ice cubes. Add all ingredients. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a strawberry.

The Classic
2 Slices of Bread
Peanut Butter
Jelly

Get your two slices of bread and make it as peanuty or jelly like as you need for 4:00 in the morning.

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Vegetables: The New Meat

11/17/2015

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An appetizing plate of Bacon AND Vegetables

I read fascinating article recently that discussed an interesting concept. Among high end restaurants there's been a trend to serve plant based main courses over meat based. Are we going to have a cultural shift that praise vegetables over meat?

Probably not anytime soon. My father doesn't consider it a meal if there isn't meat and the older generation will take this harder. And, men trying to hold onto this concept of masculinity won't like it either. However, this isn't the only article that's been written on the subject. The Washington Post published an article “Vegetables: Are They The New Bacon?” in 2014.

For this to work we would need a cultural shift that allows people to understand that vegetables can be a fulfilling meal by themselves. Starting at the top tier of restaurants is a good place to start. These chef's can experiment on customers who are willing to be experimented on. At some point the easily mass produced counterparts these restaurants make up will trickle down to us.

This concept of switching to a vegetable based diet, does not mean that we're going to be vegetarians (the horror).The article in Vogue raised the question of if we over praise meat and under praise vegetables and that this will just be making the ground even.

Equal rights for vegetables. .

Tamar Adler writes in the article “Taking Root” that “the meat industry emits more greenhouse gases than all forms of transport.” Other statistics are included other then the environmental strain the meat industry puts on us. There are also dietary concerns for meat eaters.

I could eat a plant based diet or at least one that heavily restricts meat. The only time I really eat meat is when I'm with parents or I go out. If I'm cooking for myself I rarely make meat. Essentially, I'm a vegetarian at heart.

Tamar Adler

There definitely needs to be a cultural shift. We don't eat enough vegetables and step one in changing that paradigm is to convince people that vegetables are worth eating. Chef Jose Andres told Tamar Adler that “we are eating almost opposite the amounts of fruit and vegetables and meat we're supposed to.”

A recurring argument made is the complexity of vegetables. Not all of us may enjoy a good asparagus or cauliflower, but there has to be something you like. Whatever it may be. Carrots. Peas? The all great potato that we mash and deep fry just to call it a French Fry?

I've included some recipes that do not have a single meat in them. I don't know if they'll convince you to give up that quarter pounder with cheese, but I think it's interesting change of pace. This concept of making vegetables the focus.

I'm surprised someone hasn't said that vegetables are ruining America.

RECIPES:
Asparagus Pie
1 Pie Shell
½ pound of Gruyere
2 tablespoons of Butter
10 ounces of Asparagus
3 Eggs
1 cup of Heavy Cream
Salt
Pepper
Nutmeg

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Place the pie shell in a prepared pie plate. Spread the gruyere cheese on the crust and top with asparagus.

Mix together the eggs, heavy cream, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Pour it over the asparagus and bake it for 25-30 minutes or until the custard is set.

Baked Vegetables
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
3 Onions
4 cloves of Garlic
3 cups of Tomatoes
3 Potatoes
3 Carrots
2 Bell Peppers
1 teaspoon of Salt
Pepper
1/8 teaspoon of Honey
½ cup of fresh Parsley

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Saute the onions in the olive oil until they are softened, 5-10 minutes. Add the garlic, stirring for 30 seconds.

Add the tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, bell peppers, parsley, salt, pepper, and honey, simmering for 15 minutes.

Pour it into a baking dish, cover, and bake for 1 hour.

Carmelized Onion & Red Pepper Penne
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
3 Onions
¾ teaspoons of Brown Sugar
2 Chicken Breasts
6 cloves of Garlic
2 tablespoons of Thyme
2 Red Bell Peppers
1/8 teaspoon of Red Pepper Flakes
2 teaspoons of Flour
2 cups of Vegetable Broth
½ of Parmesan Cheese
12 ounces of Penne
½ cup of Basil

Brown the onion and brown sugar in 1 tablespoon of the olive oil until the onion carmelizes, about 20-25 minutes. Stir in the red bell peppers, cooking until they are softened, about 5 minutes. Transfer the vegetables to a bowl.

Add a tablespoon of the olive oil to the skillet. Stir the garlic, thyme, and red pepper flakes, stirring until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the chicken, cooking until it is lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Transfer to the bowl with the vegetables.

Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to the skillet. Stir in the flour, mixing well. Whisk in the chicken broth, cooking until it has thickened.

Return the chicken and the vegetables to the skillet. Add the Parmesan cheese, and mix well. Add the penne and basil, stirring to mix.

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Cooking By Myself

8/25/2015

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This statement isn't entirely true. I had two guests in the kitchen. Miss Sara Bellum and the Mayor, but they were more observers then sous chefs. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was a Tuesday. The irony was noted and the twins and I got together to make food. The previous Saturday we had stopped by the library after seeing Mad Max: Fury Road. I got a string of books and as usual I was dredging up that I had nothing to write about for Tasty Tuesday. Miss Sara Bellum said to me. Get a cookbook. Make something.

The heavens deposited Suzanne Somer's The Sexy Forever Recipe Bible into my hands. As my mother said to me when I brought the book home. “I never thought she was that sexy to begin with.”

The twins were undecided as to whether she was one of the leggy blondes on Baywatch or Charlie's Angels. They were mistaking Suzanne Somers for Pamela Anderson and Farrah Fawcett respectively. Off the top of my head I didn't remember her show, but I knew they were wrong. If your trying to place her face your thinking about Three's Company and Step By Step. I had to google it. Feel no shame if you didn't know that information.

Farrah Fawcett

Pamela Anderson

Suzanne Somers

Now in true twin fashion they were completely on time. They were supposed to arrive around 6:00. I expected them about 6:15. They called. They were in traffic. They would be there at 6:45. 7:15 rolls around and the door bell finally rings. They were perfectly on time.

No part of the twins body is configured for cooking. I guesstimate to often for my own good. I had already started the soup. It was a Red Pepper Soup with Crispy Sage Leaves. It oozed healthiness. I also made it completely wrong. The roasted red peppers were not roasted. The crispy sage leaves were both sage and thyme. And, they weren't used as garnish, I blended them right into the soup.

My body felt cleansed by this meal. All the toxins flowed right out of me. And, according to Suzanne the detox level was 1 and 2. So, that's exciting.

This is the first time that I've actually made the food I'm talking about for a Tasty Tuesday in ages. It's refreshing. By the time the doorbell finally rang I had the soup on simmer waiting forty minutes for it to be pulverized by the blender. We started on the cheesecake.

It was called a Capuccino Cheesecake. I used regular coffee. And, I substituted regular cane sugar for this Somer Sweet she speaks of. I don't think that's even in production. There's no crust on this cheesecake. Too many calories I suppose. Wax paper had to be layed down to protect it.

At the point we expertly put it into it's water bath and set in the oven heated to 350 degrees we realized we needed some skanky bathing suits to go to the water park in. I'm publishing an article on Wednesday on that next week if you want to know more.

I left my mother in charge of handling the timer. We went out. Found a cute top for Miss Sara Bellum and I decided to purchase Sia's 1000 Forms of Fear. A fire of an album. It slays. I found a perfectly scandalous bikini bottom for the water park online. It all worked out. So, much for saving money.

We get home and we're picking out music for our roadtrip and my mother calls me on the home phone to let me know that the timer is going off and that I need to take the cheesecake out. This was one of the few moments in my life where I was like woman.

I take the cheesecake out. Wrap it in saran wrap and put it in the fridge. It won't be ready until tomorrow, but Miss Sara Bellum and I took a bite out of it and we thought it slayed.

In hopes of maintaining our healthy diet. We made a drink I would describe as a root beer float with coffee instead of root beer. We were supposed to make the coffee ice cream by ourselves. We store bought it. We were supposed make whipped cream. We just skipped that step. The only thing we did right was make the simple chocolate syrup by ourselves. And, we used chocolate chips instead of dark chocolate.

It was good. Tens across the board good of course not, but this is in a healthy cook book. This is supposed to help you keep your figure not destroy it. It honestly reminded me of Javachiller you could get at Sonic. The only thing my mother didn't like was the simple chocolate syrup.

We threw the excess chocolate syrup onto the cappuccino cheesecake and I preceded to lick the pan clean. The soup wasn't as filling as you might expect.

I will probably not be adding the Suzanne Somer cookbook to my shelf anytime soon, but I enjoyed dabbling into her world of health. She makes her own broth apparently. And, as Barry Manilow says, “The only food I really look forward to eating is Suzanne's.” With celebrity endorsement like that how can you go wrong?

RECIPES:
Red Pepper Soup with Crispy Sage Leaves
2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 minced Celery Stalk
1 minced Onion
6 Roasted Red Peppers
Salt
1 diced Celery Root
2 cups of Chicken Broth
Garnish
Olive Oil
40 Fresh Sage Leaves
Salt
¼ cup of Sour Cream

In a stockpot, combine the olive oil, celery, and onion. Cook over moderate heat until the vegetables are soft and fragrant, 10-15 minutes. Add the red peppers and cook 3-4 minutes more. Season with salt. Add the celery root, 1 quart of water, and the stock. Cover and cook over moderate heat until the celery root is soft, about 40 minutes.

Heat a medium skillet over medium heat. Pour in enough oil to cover the bottom of pan. When the oil is hot but not smoking, add the sage leaves. Fry until crispy, 1-2 minutes. Drain on paper towels. Sprinkle with salt.

Puree the soup in the pot with a hand mixer or in batches in a blender or food processor. Ladle into warmed shallow soup bowls. Drizzle each bowl with sour cream in an attractive pattern. Sprinkle a few fried sage leaves on top and serve.

FUN FACT: The only thing I did in that last paragraph was puree the soup.

Cappuccino Cheesecake
24 ounces of Cream Cheese
1 cup of Sugar
3 Eggs
¾ cup of Sour Cream
1 tablespoon of Vanilla Extract
½ cup of Coffee
½ cup of Hot Water
2 cups of Whipped Cream

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Butter the sides and bottom of a 9 inch spring form pan. Line the bottom with a double thickness of waxed paper. Lay two 24 inch long pieces of aluminum foil on a work surface to make an X. Place the pan in the center of the foil and fold up around the sides to form a waterproof jacket.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the sour cream and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Add the coffee and mix well.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan and place in a large roasting pan. Place the roasting pan in the preheated oven and pour enough hot water into the roasting pan to surround the cheesecake pan with 1 inch of water.

Bake for 1 hour. Turn off the oven and let the cheesecake cool in the oven for an additional hour without opening the door. Remove the cheesecake from the water bath and cool to room temperature.

Cover the cheesecake and refrigerate in the springform pan, preferably overnight. To unmold, run a warm knife around the edge of the cheesecake and transfer the cheesecake to a serving dish. Garnish with whipped cream and coffee beans.

Bruce's Cafe Legois
6 ounces of Dark Chocolate
¾ cup of Heavy Cream
1 pint of Coffee Ice Cream
½ cup of Coffee
1 cup of Whipped Cream

Place the broken up chocolate in a medium bowl. Pour the cream into a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Add the hot cream to the chocolate and stir until all the lumps are gone.

Place 2 scoops of coffee ice cream in each glass. Pour a little hot espresso over the top of each. Drizzle a little chocolate sauce over the top. Garnish with whipped cream.

ALL RECIPES from the cookbook The Sexy Forever Recipe Bible by Suzanne Somers.

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The Food Issue

7/14/2015

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There was a time I asked for my Vogue subscription to be renewed. My grandfather got me Architectural Digest. This year he let that slip and now Travel & Leisure in the mail.

I don't know who the target audience is for this. People with money. The kind of people who send their children abroad for the semester. The kind of people who get their children Mercedes Benz for their 16th birthday. Needless to say. Not me.

Usually I recycle it (I know how very earth conscious of me), but this months said that it was the “Food Issue”. Finally something I can use. The cover says Austin is “way beyond barbecue” that Singapore is the “best eating on earth” and that Greenland has “the new arctic cuisine”. Turn up.

The Gulfstream IV

The Cessna Citation X+

The Pilatus PC-12 NG

Now there is a lack of actual recipes for me to give you, but I'm sure google will be more then useful in this endeavor. This issue of this magazine centers primarily on good places to eat around the world. If you have a week and the money to fly all around the world, I have some great suggestions on where you should go for a culinary experience.

While, your at it why don't you fly private. I know. You can't afford private, but wait is “Private The New Business Class”? This is a legitimate article in this magazine. They even have a section entitled “know your private jet”. What kind of upper middle class bullshit is this. One of their suggestions is to get a membership to a private jet membership club that start at $1,750 a month.

It's a fascinating if completely unrealistic read.

Words you probably never expected to hear was “Italo-Slovenian Comfort Food”, but may I suggest if you are ever the Slovenian “Hisa Franko”. Apparently the owner's husband is a biodynamic wine connoisseur. If that doesn't make you want to take all your clothes off I don't know what will.

The Hisa Franko

The Broad Museum

The Atlanta Botanical Garden

There are now also restaurants in MUSEUMS. You have heard it first. Both the Broad Museum and the Whitney have respective places to gorge yourself while you enjoy fine art. My personal favorite is the stunning restaurant opening in the Atlanta Botanical Garden. What will be on the menu? It will be a surprise. As the article says the menu consists of “whatever is fresh from the edible garden”.

One that actually fascinated me was this section on Food Courts. The five brought up are centrally located in Coppenhagen, Atlanta, New York, Rotterdam, and New Orleans. Nothing warms my heart more then gourmet food courts.

The Copenhagen Street Food

The Ponce City Market in Atlanta

The Urbanspace Vanderbilt in New York

The Markthal in Rotterdam

The St. Roch Market in New Orleans

What can I say. Unless you have the budget to travel in your private jet all of this beautiful food imagery is too much. Now you know where to go. And, if you want more posh day dreams go out and find yourself the July Issue of Travel & Leisure.

RECIPES:
Artic Char with Mushrooms
4 Six Ounce Skinless Arctic Char Fillets
Salt
Pepper
4 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
8 ounces of sliced White Button Mushrooms
2 finely chopped Shallots
2 tablespoons of Red Wine Vinegar
2 teaspoons of Whole-Grain Mustard
1 tablespoon of chopped Chives
1 tablespoon of chopped Parsley
2 bunches of Arugula

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Season the fish with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until shimmering. Add the fish and sear until golden on the bottom and cooked halfway through, about 3 minutes. Flip onto a baking sheet and bake until cooked through, 3 to 5 more minutes.

Meanwhile, wipe out the skillet, return to medium-high heat and add the remaining 3 tablespoons oil. Add the mushrooms and cook, without stirring, until browned on one side, about 1 minute. Stir and cook until browned all over, about 3 more minutes. Add the shallots and cook until soft, stirring, about 2 minutes. Whisk in 2 tablespoons vinegar and the mustard and bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and stir in the chives and parsley.

Drizzle the arugula with oil and vinegar in a bowl, season with salt and pepper and toss. Divide among plates and serve with the fish. Spoon the mushrooms and pan juices on top.

Arctic Char: The Fish

Chicken Parmesan
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 teaspoon of chopped Rosemary Leaves
1 teaspoon of chopped Thyme Leaves
1 teaspoon of chopped Italian Parsley Leaves
Salt
Pepper
8 three ounce Chicken Cutlets
1 1/2 cups of the Simple Tomato Sauce
1/2 cup of Mozzarella
16 teaspoons of grated Parmesan
2 tablespoons of Unsalted Butter
Simple Tomato Sauce
1/2 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Onion
2 Cloves of Garlic
1 stalk of Celery
1 Carrot
Salt
Pepper
Two 32-ounce cans of Crushed Tomatoes
4 Basil Leaves
2 Bay Leaves
4 tablespoons of Butter

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F.

Stir the oil and herbs in a small bowl to blend. Season with salt and pepper. Brush both sides of the cutlets with the herb oil. Heat a large heavy oven-proof skillet over high heat. Add the cutlets and cook just until brown, about 2 minutes per side. Remove the skillet from the heat.

Spoon the marinara sauce over and around the cutlets. Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of the mozzarella over each cutlet, then sprinkle 2 teaspoons of the Parmesan over each. Sprinkle the butter pieces atop the cutlets. Bake until the cheese melts and the chicken is cooked through, about 3 to 5 minutes.

In a large casserole pot, heat the oil over medium high heat. Add the onion and garlic and saute until soft and translucent, about 2 minutes. Add the celery and carrots and season with salt and pepper. Saute until all the vegetables are soft, about 5 minutes. Add the tomatoes, basil, and bay leaves and simmer covered on low heat for 1 hour or until thick. Remove the bay leaves and check for seasoning. If the sauce still tastes acidic, add unsalted butter, 1 tablespoon at a time to round out the flavors.

Add half the tomato sauce into the bowl of a food processor. Process until smooth. Continue with the remaining tomato sauce.

Marinated Grilled Shrimp
3 Cloves of Garlic
1/3 cup of Olive Oil
¼ cup of Tomato Sauce
2 tablespoons of Red Wine Vinegar
2 tablespoons of Basil
½ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper
2 pounds of Shrimp

In a large bowl, stir together the garlic, olive oil, tomato sauce, and red wine vinegar. Season with basil, salt, and cayenne pepper. Add shrimp to the bowl, and stir until evenly coated. Cover, and refrigerate for 30 minutes to 1 hour, stirring once or twice.

Preheat grill for medium heat. Thread shrimp onto skewers, piercing once near the tail and once near the head. Discard marinade.

Lightly oil grill grate. Cook shrimp on preheated grill for 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until opaque.

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