Rita Ora has officially been announced as the new host of America's Next Top Model. The show was picked up by VH1. There's no official start date for the reality show, but this isn't Rita Ora's first time as a judge. She's hosted on both The Voice and The X-Factor in the United Kingdom.
Fashion fans shouldn't be in total fear. Tyra Banks promises that she'll be dropping in throughout the cycle. Rita Ora may be out of her professional depth critiquing models on their runway look but Tyra is sure to bolster the panel with seasoned professionals that will help Ora make the right call. All she needs to do is keep her face powdered and her comments bitchy but relateable.
Rita Ora Set To Host ANTM Reboot
Rita Ora is still working on her second album after problems with Jay Z's record label Roc Nation and has yet to break through commercially in the United States, except for her guest spot on Iggy Azalea's “Black Widow”. We'll see if her lead role on ANTM will be her pop culture breakthrough. It certainly wasn't her spin in 50 Shades of Grey or ripping Zac Efron's shirt off on national television. We'll be watching.
It should be noted that Rita's American breakthrough was stilted after former boyfriend Calvin Harris refused to let her perform “I Will Never Let You Down” on national televison. A song he wrote and produced for the singer. Petty.
From Dinner... With Love
I personally love Valentine's Day. I always celebrate. I wrote about it last year for this Tasty Tuesday. You can read that here. I bake a cake. I watch a romantic comedy. Alone. It's not as tragic as it sounds. This year I'm going into work. Yeah!!!
Some of us cannot afford to go out. That's why I, your favorite blogger, am giving you a nice three course dinner to prepare for the night. It screams sex and love. Just don't get pregnant or an STD.
That's why I'm surprised I spend as much as I do with this other couple. They're very heterosexual. I'm actually friends with the boyfriend in this relationship and I love that little shit (he's actually taller then me, but that's not the point) like a brother, but if anyone is going to fuck up Valentine's Day it's going to be him.
4 Egg Yolks
1 cup of Sugar
3 tablespoons of Warm Water
1 cup of Flour
1/3 teaspoons of Baking Powder
4 Egg Whites
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees
Combine all of the ingrdients, mixing well. Pour the batter into a greased baking pan and bake for 25 minutes.
NOTE: Nothing screams romance like a bread product called “blarney stones”
Tournedos and Bearnaise Sauce
¼ cup of Tarragon Vinegar
½ cup of Water
2 teaspoon of Tarragon
1 tablespoon of slice Green Onions
3 Egg Yolks
½ cup of Butter
6 Filets of Beef
2 tablespoons of Butter
½ teaspoon of Salt
1/8 teaspoon of Pepper
Combine the tarragon, vinegar, water, and green onion. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Reduce heat, simmer, uncovered, for 8-10 minutes or until the liquid is reduced to ¼ cup. Strain the mixture into the top of a double boiler.
With a wire whisk, beat in the egg yolks. Cook over hot, boiling water, beating constantly, until the mixture begins to thicken. Beat in the ½ cup of butter, 1 tablespoon of thyme, beating well after each addition. Keep warm. Add just enough cold water to the hot water in the bottom of the double boiler to make it lukewarm.
Brush the filets with 2 tablespoons of butter and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Broil for 5 minutes, turn, and brush with remaining butter, salt, and pepper. Broil for another 5 minutes.
Serve with Bearnaise sauce poured over the top.
NOTE: Perfect for the carnivorous appetite of your lover.
Mexican Wedding Cake
2 cups of Sugar
2 cups of Flour
2 teaspoons of Baking Soda
20 ounces of crushed Pineapple (Do not drain)
3 ounces of softened Cream Cheese
¼ cup of Butter
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1-2 cups of Powdered Sugar
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
Combine the sugar, flour, baking soda, crushed pineapple, and eggs beating well. Pour the batter into a prepared cake pan, and bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean
NOTE: Included in last year's Tasty Tuesday, this is the perfect closer for your meal, so your lover knows what your true intentions are with them.
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
It was amazing. First game I was in 4th place. Second game slipped into 5th. There were five of us bowling. I guttered it multiple. Honestly, the worst part of bowling is that they make you wear flats.
They played Super Mario Smash Brothers at some point. I played a game. As Peach. I did a terrible job, but with my inability to get into the action I ended up in second place. The thing I learned that night is that straight boys like to use the word “pussy” a lot. It was a lot for me to handle.
As a child I always had a peanut butter sandwich for elementary school. I wasn't progressive enough for jelly. The crusts were always cut off. I would have my capri sun. Maybe an apple sauce if I was feeling particularly feisty that day.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal
1/2 cup of Water
1/2 cup of Milk
1/3 cup of Oats
1 tablespoon of Sugar
2 tablespoons of Peanut Butter
1 tablespoon of Jelly
In a medium saucepan, bring the water and milk to a boil. Add the oats and salt.
Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes. Allow it to sit for 1 minute.
Stir in the sugar ,peanut butter and jelly.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Cocktail
2 ounces of Vodka
1 ounce of Strawberry Puree
1 ounce of Hazelnut Liqueur
1 ounce of Black Currant Liqueur
1 Whole Strawberry
Fill a shaker with ice cubes. Add all ingredients. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a strawberry.
2 Slices of Bread
Get your two slices of bread and make it as peanuty or jelly like as you need for 4:00 in the morning.
My first problem is that she's dating her back up dancer. This is such an early 2000's trend. Dating your back up dancer is not a good idea. Britney and Kevin. Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smarts (although they're still together). Sure, Madonna dated her back up dancer a few years ago, but they were having sex. They weren't 'dating'.
Now honestly all these people are surprised and appalled. They also can't believe she doesn't love America. Sit down all of you. If you haven't said you hate America at some point in your life, your not even a true American. These people are also the casual fans who only knows the hits. I mean that's all I know, but I do my research. Ariana is a bit of a freak. She is going to sex it up in the future. And, I'm sure a doughnut is one of the most respectable places she's ever put her tongue.
2 ¾ cups of Flour
1 packet of Instant Yeast
3 tablespoons of Sugar
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Whole Milk (Warmed from 105-115 degrees)
1 ½ teaspoons of Pure Vanilla Extract
3 Egg Yolks
4 tablespoons of Butter
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, stir together 2 cups of the flour, the yeast, sugar, and salt. Add the warm milk, vanilla, and egg yolks. Mix until smooth. Add the remaining flour and the butter and mix until incorporated. Continue to mix on medium speed until the dough is soft and smooth (it will be slightly sticky).
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and set in a draft-free place to rise for 1 hour, or refrigerate for up to 12 hours.
Lightly flour 2 baking sheets. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut with a floured donut cutter or a 3- to 3-1/2-inch biscuit cutter (for the latter, you’ll also need a 1-1/2-inch biscuit cutter to form the donut holes). Discard the dough scraps, or cut into pieces to fry separately after the donuts are done, as snacks.
Place the donuts and donut holes at least 1 inch apart on the baking sheets and cover loosely with plastic wrap. Set in a warm place to rise a second time until they are puffy and nearly double in size, about 15 to 30 minutes.
The donuts are ready when the dough springs back slowly after being touched with a fingertip (if it springs back at once, it needs more time; if it collapses, it has overproofed and you can reroll the dough and cut it once).
While the donuts rise, fill a large, heavy-bottomed pot with at least 2 inches of oil (the oil should not come more than halfway up the sides of the pan). Heat over medium-high heat until a deep-frying thermometer registers 360°F. Using a spatula, carefully lower a few donuts into the oil; do not crowd the pot. Fry for 1 to 2 minutes per side, turning a few times, until the donuts are a light golden brown and cooked through.
Remove with a spider or slotted spoon, drain on a wire rack over a paper towel, and let cool slightly before glazing or tossing in sugar.
Serve the donuts as is (warm is best), tossed in powdered sugar when cool.
1 pound of Pizza Dough (store bought)
¼ cup of Powdered Sugar
Cut the dough into 10 pieces.
With your hands, form balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Allow to rise about 45 minutes.
Deep fry in canola oil until cooked through and brown, about 3 to 4 minutes.
Drain on paper towels, sprinkle with powdered sugar, and serve warm.
Eat A Hamburger
I had a cheeseburger recently when I went out with Joyce to see Pitch Perfect 2 (for the second time). It had bacon, Swiss cheese, the lettuce, the tomato, and sauerkraut. It was surprisingly amazing. Joyce got the same thing. I didn't know about this and when we were ordering I was like what the actual fuck.
Five days after this. It is the twins birthday. Obviously I had to celebrate with them. We all went out to this hamburger place in town. Somehow I ended up driving four people there. I don't know how that happened. Of course I was the life of the party. It was an eclectic group of people. They really were a lot of fun.
It hit me during this meal that I was eating yet another hamburger in the space of the week. This one was more manageable to fit into my mouth and for some reason it was on Texas toast. I wasn't complaining. Sacajawea actually loves this place, because they have vegetarian options for the patty. So, I actually could have continued my vegetarianism.
This is where the other gay friend of the twins makes his entrance. Up to this point I had been the cutest boy there. I'm not going to compete with the hipster heterosexual. And, to be fair I was still the cutest gay boy there. He had on this shirt that had “Dunce” blazoned across it. It was like a jersey. It said “Dunce” and then the number 50. And, I just looked up what a dunce means and it says “a person who is slow at learning, a stupid person”. Well, boo you stupid for wearing that shirt.
I say all of this to offer you the hamburger recipes I grew up with as a child. Enjoy. Embrace them. They are the Utonium family stronghold.
All American Burgers
1 lb. Ground Beef
1 chopped Green Onion
1 minced clove of Garlic
1 tablespoon of Soy Sauce
½ tsp. Pepper
1 tablespoon of Worcestershire Sauce
¼ teaspoon of salt
Combine all ingredients; form into patties.
Beef & Tomato Burger
1 pound of Ground Beef
1 tablespoon of Sun-Dried Tomatoes
1 teaspoon of Lemon Zest
¼ cup of Mayonnaise
2 tablespoons of Fresh Basil
1 seeded and chopped Jalapeno
4 Onion Hamburger Buns
Combine ground beef, tomatoes, and lemon zest. Shape into 4 patties. Grill until done.
To make the sauce, combine the mayonnaise and jalapeno pepper.
1-2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
2 pounds of Ground Beef
1 teaspoon of Kosher Salt
½ teaspoon of Pepper
1 tablespoon of Butter
1 tablespoon of chopped Parsley
4 English Muffins
4 slices of Tomato
Form burgers, then season generously with salt and pepper on both sides. Wipe down skillet with olive oil before heating over medium-high heat. Char the burgers well on both sides, about 4 minutes per side. Just before the burgers are done, remove them to a wire rack to rest for 5 minutes.
Divide the butter evenly on each burger and sprinkle with a little parsley. While the burgers are resting, toast the English Muffins. Return the burgers to heat through. Place a burger on each muffin and top with a tomato slice.
Everything's a competition when you're raised by the television.