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Inspiration struck this week from the family garden. The parents having returned from their extended stay away from me for three weeks returned. With this came my father going through the family garden.
My father. The brilliant man that he is. Created a garden. I'm not sure why. His busy season at work is when a garden requires the most work. He has tried diligently to maintain the lawn by himself this year. After my maintenance last year, he informed me that he would take care of it. |
2015 came around and my father made the decision to allow the garden to run free. He was over it. He said he would plant nothing. He stood firmly in this decision. Upon traipsing down into the hell that is the over growth of grass and insects, he stumbled upon squash. Multiple kinds of squash. Massive squash.
It was upon seeing these vegetables from the underworld that I realized that I had to honor the gift of god's creation. I had to praise the mighty squash.
Yes. I realize that last week I did a Tasty Tuesday on the pumpkin. That is a squash. This week, I am broadening my horizon. I am celebrating all of the squashes. The butternut. The acorn. The zucchini. Nothing says fall quite like a squash.
Yes. I realize that last week I did a Tasty Tuesday on the pumpkin. That is a squash. This week, I am broadening my horizon. I am celebrating all of the squashes. The butternut. The acorn. The zucchini. Nothing says fall quite like a squash.
The Butternut Squash
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The Acorn Squash
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The Zucchini
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There are multiple of reasons for the squash. You can put them in food. And, as I've learned from Orange is the New Black, they make great dildos.
Some fun facts about the squash is that it is one of the oldest known crops. It's been cultivated by all of our ancestors. For 10,000 years the mighty squash has reigned over all other vegetables. Of course it has some competition with the corn, but that's beside the point. |
According to some internet research I have done the word “squash” comes from the Native American Tribe Narragansett. They referred to the squash as “askutasquash”. Being as formidable as Europeans are with foreign words, we cut most of it out. Askutasquash translates to “eaten raw or uncooked”. I don't know about you, but I've never looked at a nice round squash and taken a spoon to it.
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I've also never fucked a zucchini, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Just like that fan fiction that used sand as lubricant.
I believe squash are also good for building muscle mass. Think about it. People grow these competitively to see who's can weigh the most. Do some curl ups with your neighborhood squash and you'll be buffier then Michelle Gellar. Speaking of world records. Joel Jarvis is the proud farmer of the 1,486 pound monstrosity. If chopped and dissected it could create 5,000 servings of soup. It weighs as much as a polar bear and finally answered the age old question, “what do people do in Kentucky?” |
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Below are some lovely recipes from the family cookbook on what to do if you ever find yourself face to face with a 1,486 pound squash.
RECIPES:
Squash Casserole
¼ cup of Butter
1 teaspoon of Garlic
2 pounds of Yellow Squash
2 cups of Onion
¼ cup of Water
1 tablespoon of Cumin
1 ½ teaspoon of Chili Powder
Salt
Pepper
2 Eggs
1 cup of Pepper Jack
¼ cup of Goat Cheese
1 cup of Tortilla Chips
1 tablespoon of Butter
Heat butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir in garlic and cook until it sizzles. Add squash and onion and toss to combine. Add water, cover, and steam until vegetables are soft, 4 to 6 minutes. Remove lid and continue cooking until all the liquid is evaporated.
Stir in cumin and 1 teaspoon of chili powder. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Add eggs and cook, stirring gently, until eggs are cooked through.
Turn off heat and add pepper jack and goat cheese. Cover and let stand until cheese is melted. Stir to combine.
Spoon squash mixture into an overproof dish. Combine tortilla chip crumbs, remaining ½ teaspoon of chili powder, and melted butter in a small bowl. Sprinkle over squash. Set under broiler to brown, 1 to 2 minutes.
Squash Casserole
¼ cup of Butter
1 teaspoon of Garlic
2 pounds of Yellow Squash
2 cups of Onion
¼ cup of Water
1 tablespoon of Cumin
1 ½ teaspoon of Chili Powder
Salt
Pepper
2 Eggs
1 cup of Pepper Jack
¼ cup of Goat Cheese
1 cup of Tortilla Chips
1 tablespoon of Butter
Heat butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir in garlic and cook until it sizzles. Add squash and onion and toss to combine. Add water, cover, and steam until vegetables are soft, 4 to 6 minutes. Remove lid and continue cooking until all the liquid is evaporated.
Stir in cumin and 1 teaspoon of chili powder. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Add eggs and cook, stirring gently, until eggs are cooked through.
Turn off heat and add pepper jack and goat cheese. Cover and let stand until cheese is melted. Stir to combine.
Spoon squash mixture into an overproof dish. Combine tortilla chip crumbs, remaining ½ teaspoon of chili powder, and melted butter in a small bowl. Sprinkle over squash. Set under broiler to brown, 1 to 2 minutes.
Squash Pickles
8 cups of Yellow Summer Squash
1 cups of Sweet Onion
1 tablespoon of Non Iodized Salt
1 cup of Green Bell Pepper
½ cup of Red Bell Pepper
2 cups of Cider Vinegar
3 ½ cups of Sugar
1 teaspoon of Celery Seed
1 teaspoon of Mustard Seed
Combine the squash and onion in a large stockpot. Sprinkle with salt. Let stand 1 hour.
Add green pepper, red pepper, vinegar, sugar, celery seed, and mustard seed to squash and onions. Bring to a boil.
Pack squash and brine into hot, sterilized jars, leaving ½ inch of head space. Remove air bubbles. Secure flat lids and rings. Process in a boiling water canner bath for 10 minutes or adjust time to your altitude.
8 cups of Yellow Summer Squash
1 cups of Sweet Onion
1 tablespoon of Non Iodized Salt
1 cup of Green Bell Pepper
½ cup of Red Bell Pepper
2 cups of Cider Vinegar
3 ½ cups of Sugar
1 teaspoon of Celery Seed
1 teaspoon of Mustard Seed
Combine the squash and onion in a large stockpot. Sprinkle with salt. Let stand 1 hour.
Add green pepper, red pepper, vinegar, sugar, celery seed, and mustard seed to squash and onions. Bring to a boil.
Pack squash and brine into hot, sterilized jars, leaving ½ inch of head space. Remove air bubbles. Secure flat lids and rings. Process in a boiling water canner bath for 10 minutes or adjust time to your altitude.
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