Chapel of Love

This might be the most depressing thing ever. Every year on Valentines Day I celebrate. As one does. I am perpetually alone. That is not said. Until this year there wasn't anyone I wanted to spend Valentines Day with and I am slowly but surely getting over him.

Honestly being single has not been a bad life. This ritual I amassed has really came around from just wanting to celebrate a holiday that I don't really have any reason celebrating. I have a Valentine's Day play list, the top of which includes Bette Midler's fantastic “Chapel of Love”.

Buy "Chapel of Love"

It's all about the big day and love and spring and the enchantment that is getting married. Or at least I think it is. I've never gone through the marriage proposal. I was in one of my sister's weddings. I might have been in my oldest sister's wedding, but I don't remember. I feel like I was. Who knows. I'm sure I was cute.

I just don't know how people my age are getting married. I realize I am slow on the uptake. Still haven't had that first real kiss. Haven't gotten as far as what you would call a date and yet these other people have rings on their hands. WTF.

There's this one girl in my math class. She's 18, 19. My age and she is engaged and moved out of the house into this apartment complex. Her man is a mechanic and it's just too much. Of course I say that and J. Lo's engaged as well. It happened in October or November.

She's been dating this boy since high school. I'm fairly sure he was her first boyfriend. He's like a year older then her and they got engaged. I'm just like do as you will. I have no opinion. I can't get a boy to buy me black coffee at McDonald's let alone have a continued relationship with one. Lord I can't even get my crush- former crush to spend time with me.  

J. Lo's boy toy is in college to be a youth pastor.

Gag me. Gag me, now. It makes me throw up in my mouth. Going into college, getting into debt, to do something you don't need any training for. Most people use the Bible as a user agreement that you don't read, you just press agree to. You don't need educational training for it.

Her fiance is very nice, though. I like him. Thunder's engaged to. She is four years older then J. Lo and who knows I might be in the wedding. It's going to be in May and it's going to be beautiful. You know she asked me if I need a plus one.

This bitch knows I am single as fuck. My plus one is going to be Rosencrantz. We went to prom together, so I feel like this is a good pairing. Speaking of love, the Mayor of Townsville has a really cute boy in one of her classes. He's hipster and has a bun. And, he sounds hot. But, I have no type, so ignore me.

I'm telling her just to sit next him. Like you don't have to talk to him. You don't even have to make eye contact. Just sit next to him. And, if somehow the opportunity arises for you to make conversation, who knows. And, she's sexy as fuck. This could work. She's hipster.

Of course as great as love is, that has nothing to do with what I do on Valentine's day. I make a wedding cake. A full blown wedding cake. Usually I don't decorate it, because that's too much effort and I watch a romantic comedy and cry. Actually, I don't usually cry. What I do is I go out and buy a new romantic comedy I've never seen, I come home, bake the cake, stuff my face, and watch the movie.

It's a great plan. I make the weirdest wedding cakes, though. Be forewarned. I think it's completely depressing, but I love it. This year I'm breaking the tradition. I'm not baking a cake. I'm just going out to see 50 Shades of Grey and love every minute of it.

God, I hate love.  

RECIPES:
Mexican Wedding Cake
2 cups of Sugar
2 cups of Flour
2 teaspoons of Baking Soda
20 ounces of crushed Pineapple (Do not drain)
2 Eggs
3 ounces of softened Cream Cheese
¼ cup of Butter
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1-2 cups of Powdered Sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Combine the sugar, flour, baking soda, crushed pineapple, and eggs beating well. Pour the batter into a prepared cake pan, and bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Yellow Sheet Cake
2 ¾ cups of Flour
2 teaspoons of Baking Powder
¾ teaspoons of Salt
16 tablespoons of Butter
1 ¾ cups of Sugar
4 Eggs
1 tablespoon of Vanilla Extract
1 ½ cup of Milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a baking pan and line with parchment paper.

Whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt together.

In another bowl, beat the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy about 3-6 minutes. Beat in the eggs and vanilla until combined for about 30 seconds.

Reduce the mixer speed and put in one third of the flour mixture and a half of the milk. Repeat step. Then, beat in the remaining flour until just incorporated.

Scrape the batter into the prepared pan. Bake the cake for 25 to 30 minutes. Let it cool for two hours. Run a knife around the edges. Flip the cake over and serve.

NOTE: No one said that the wedding's I was attending were classy.

Frosting
3 sticks of Unsalted Butter
3 tablespoons of Heavy Cream
2 ½ teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
¼ teaspoon of Salt
3 cups of Powdered Sugar

Beat the butter, cream, vanilla, and salt on a high speed for 1 to 2 minutes. Reduce the mixer speed and incorporate the powdered sugar until smooth about 4 to 6 minutes. Increase the mixer speed and beat frosting until it is light and fluffy about 5 to 10 minutes.

NOTE: This is what I call the jilted groom. Why make the cake when you can just eat the frosting instead.