Tuna, Tuna, Tuna

Don't make anything with Tuna. Tuna is disgusting. This is an irrefutable fact. I stand against the institution of tuna. It is not the chicken of the sea. It is gross.

Imagine it. It's a quiet Thursday evening. I have nothing to do. I'm struggling to write a Tasty Tuesday. Nothing unusual about that. I'm thinking to myself, “maybe I'll write about cranberry sauce.” A seasonal favorite. Then, I get a call. The call I've been waiting for. 

The twins ask me if I want to go see A Tuna Christmas. Sure, I have projects to do. Reading to catch up on. Blog work to do, but I say to myself. Live a little. Go see this play about tuna. More importantly write about this play with tuna. Like manna from heaven, God has sent this upon you, so you have something to write about.

A Tuna Christmas is the second in a four part installment of Tuna wonderfulness. The first is Greater Tuna. The third is the patriotic Red, White, and Tuna. And, the most important: Tuna Does Vegas.

The twins did theater in high school. I did it for a semester in high school and it made me want to die. But, to each one's own. And, their senior year, they put on a production of Greater Tuna. The comic classic. I would have gone to see it, but I was throwing up. Having a great time losing weight, but to this day they remember that I didn't go to see this play.

Admission is four cans of tuna. I hate tuna. I stole it all from my parent's cupboards. Forewarning to all my potential suitors, if you like tuna. We cannot date. And, if we do, you must give up tuna. It brings back all the worst repressed memories of my childhood. I don't appreciate it.

The play was glorious and funny. The set was simplistic, we got in by proffering tuna after all. The play is full of eccentric characters. After all, A Tuna Christmas is set in the fictional town of Tuna, Texas. The third smallest town in Texas. 

It's two hours of spitfire lines and it made me regret not leaving the side of my toilet bowl to watch the high school production of Greater Tuna.

What makes it funny is that all twenty odd characters are played by two actors. It's very low budget. There's fast costume changes. Unhooked high heels. Motorized wheelchairs. UFO's and everyone's favorite chain smoking, gun shop owner, Dee Dee to keep everyone stocked up on grenades.

I loved it and despite the flaw of it's tuna related title. It was a masterpiece of the theater. Exactly what Shakespeare hoped theater would be like in 1989.

Now for your eating pleasure, I have done some research on the “tuna”. I put in “disgusting tuna recipes”. I don't believe there's such a thing as “delicious tuna recipes”, but below are some of the most beautiful recipes I've ever stumbled upon in my life.

Tuna yourself up. Swim upstream. Throw up in your blender and just add tuna. 

RECIPES:
Ring-Around-the-Tuna
1 package of Jell-O Lime
1/4 teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Boiling Water
3/4 cup of Cold Water
2 tablespoons of Vinegar
2 teaspoons  of Grated Onion
1/2 cup of Cucumber
1/2 cup of Celery
2 tablespoons of Pimiento
2 tablespoons of Olives
1 can of Tuna

How delicious. 

Full recipe at Lakehouse Publishing

Trudy's Tuna Noodle Casserole
1 can of Mushroom Soup
1/2 pound of Noodles
1/2 can of French Fried Onion Rings
7 ounce can of Tuna 
1 package of Peas
Cornflake Crumbs 

This recipe makes me say "God is real"

Full recipe at Tastebook

The Virile Mary Tuna Shake
1 can of White Tuna
2 1/2 cups of V-8 Juice 
1 teaspoon of Extra Virgin Oil
2 tablespoon of Lemon Juice
Habanero Pepper Sauce

The drink that everyone wants a second of.

Full recipe at Deep Squatter