A Pescatarian Diet

There's so many great things that come with being pescatarian. You get to eat as many goldfish as you want. ​

Pescatarianism is a step below the more extreme vegetarianism. You get to chew out all of gods scuttling little fish creatures. The cute ones who get their heads chopped off by the chef in The Little Mermaid.

I said to myself that I could be a pescatarian. I was sitting on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling. Already through my second bag of pretzel shaped goldfish and I said this is what I want in my life to be a pescatarian. I'm already basically a vegetarian, but I refuse to give up my goldfish. I'm not in hell yet and I will enjoy my earthly pleasures until I join Satan.

It's not that I try not to eat meat. It's just what happens in my life. I could never be vegan. Cheese is part of my life. Pizza is the answer. 

Also eggs. How do you avoid eggs. That's just something I could not avoid. I'm going to eat that wedding cake. I'm in the bridal party to meet eligible groomsmen and when that falls through I have to console myself some how. As great as veganism sounds. Fuck all of that.

Another great thing about being pescatarian is that you get to eat Swedish fish. Their sexy. Their colorful and they taste like edible cardboard. I love it.

The only bad thing about pescatarians is the lack of chicken. Sure you have the chicken of the sea. Tuna. But, who really likes tuna? In the sweetest way possible, tuna is kind of shit. It's the shit of the sea. Shout out to that person in marketing who came up with that slogan, but it's full of fallacies and deceit. It's also blasphemous to the chicken. It didn't deserve that. 

You also can't eat a burger. The only meat I really indulge in. Steak is not for me. I used to be able to eat it, but now I'm like. How was I so blood thirsty? How was I so carnivorous and testosterone charged that I thought this was a good idea?

Now the only decide to becoming a pescatarian with me is all of that genetically modified salmon that the FDA legalized. Like I'm fine with the FDA doing it's thing, but they don't have to differentiate on the package what kind of salmon it is. Now I'm sure it's going to turn out fine.

However, I'm going to let everyone else get mercury poison and enlarged prostates, while I'm on the sidelines eating halibut having a good time with my normally sized prostate. ​

I'm pescatarian with the caveat of no salmon and the emphasis on goldfish and the purest representation of the Swedish people, Swedish fish.

Below are all my beautiful fish recipes that I've wanted to share with you. If you were looking for a recipe on how to make goldfish or Swedish fish, you need to go to a store. I don't understand why your being so difficult. Go to Walmart. Save money. Save time. And buy a family sized box of goldfish. There is no reason to be this difficult. 

RECIPES:
Maple Glazed Salmon
4 Salmon Steaks
1 tablespoon of Maple Syrup
1 tablespoon of Teriyaki Sauce
1 tablespoon of Pineapple Juice
1 teaspoon of minced Ginger Root
1 clove of minced Garlic

Combine the maple syrup, teriyaki sauce, pineapple juice, ginger root, and garlic, mixing well. Marinate the salmon in the refrigerator for 1-24 hours.

Grill for 15 minutes. Do not turn. 

Rum Salmon
6 Salmon Steaks
1 cup of Rum
1 cup of Brown Sugar
½ cup of Salt
1 tablespoon of Pepper

Pour the rum over the salmon steaks and let it marinate for 15 minutes at room temperature, drain and pat dry with paper towels. Set aside.

Combine the brown sugar, salt, and pepper. Spread 1/3 in a casserole dish, place the salmon steaks on top, and the remaining brown sugar mixture over the salmon. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 4 hours.

Grill for 4-6 minutes per side.

Shrimp Tacos
2 pounds of uncooked Shrimp
3 cloves of minced Garlic
1/3 cup of Lime Juice
3 tablespoon of Lemon Juice
Corn Tortillas
1 teaspoon of Chili Powder
1 teaspoon of Cumin
½ teaspoon of Red Pepper

Combine the garlic, lime juice, lemon juice, chili powder, cumin, and red pepper. Marinate the shrimp for 10 minutes, turning once. Grill the shrimp.

In the meantime heat or fry your tortillas.

Serve with sour cream and salsa.