Category: Husband

Casserole Sludge

1/12/2016

Recently, I was surrounded by a group of Hispanics playing Cards Against Humanity and the black card that was pulled read “things white people like”. Every single set of eyes turned to look at me. At the time I didn't have an answer (the card I put down was “incest”), but looking back at it now in January 2016 I realize the answer is casserole.

There is nothing more white American then a good old casserole. We've all been to church potlucks. There's always a row of casseroles. Most of them are not very good, but that doesn't change the fact that vaguely threatening white women in their forties all bring them.

At our Thanksgiving there is almost always one casserole and I really feel like we might as well file stuffing under the subheading of “casserole” especially if you don't put it in the turkey.

Whenever you're sick, the neighbors always bring over a casserole. I think that's more in the movies, but when ever someone's dying of cancer they bring a casserole for the husband when the wife dies. It's classic suburbia.

And, whenever you move to the suburbs you always get a casserole. It's a great way to meet the new neighbors and find out if their teenage daughters have gonorrhea without being nosy. We would have gotten a casserole if we our neighbors hadn't determined very quickly that we were the cunts from California. License plates do wonders in deterring conversation.

Californians are also the most obnoxious people. We think we're hot shit. We will always mention that we're from California when we meet new people. “Yeah, I lived in California. And, I mean lived. Capital L-I-V-E-D lived if you know what I mean. I was born and raised there before my parents uprooted me and moved us to Missouri when I was eight months old.”

Californians also hate casseroles. Too many calories.

The worst casserole is always the one with the green beans. The green beans are never cooked all the way through. I don't know why people insist on making it. I always avoid it at the buffet line. I'm sure there is some sweet grandmother out there who knows what she's doing, but I'm not interested.

Restaurants don't serve casserole. I think it's a prejudice. The casserole is not a respected art form. But, there is a reason white people love the casserole. It's easy to make and sometimes it's damn good.

That is why I have dedicated an entire Tasty Tuesday to the concept of the casserole. I want to impart upon you the good kind. That and I had nothing else to write about.

The worst thing that happens with a casserole is when no one likes it. Because, no one throws it away. They leave it in the fridge. They deep freeze it as left overs. It grows mold and someone has to break their mother's heart and throw it away without her knowing.

Or as usually is the case. The mother finds the green sludge on top of her bacon bits macaroni red beet casserole and silently cries the tears of motherhood.

RECIPES:
Hamburger Casserole
2 lbs of Ground Beef
1 chopped Onion
14 ounces of Tomato
½ of diced Green Bell Pepper
1 clove of Garlic
2 cans of Niblets Corn
2 packages of Egg Noodles
15 ounces of Colby Jack Cheese

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees

Brown the ground beef, onion, and green bell pepper. Drain off excess fat. Set aside.

Combine the tomatoes and corn, heating them until they are warmed through, about 20 minutes.

Mix together the ground beef mixture, tomato mixtures, noodles, and half of the cheese. Pour the mixture into a baking dish and sprinkle it with the remaining cheese. Bake just until the cheese melts, 10-15 minutes.

Chicken Noodle Casseroles
1 stick of Butter
1/3 cup of Flour
1 cup of Milk
2 cups of Chicken Broth
1 ½ teaspoon of Salt
½ teaspoon of Pepper
3 ounces of sliced Mushroom
1 cups of diced Rotisserie Chicken
8 ounces of Noodles
1/3 cup of Parmesan

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Melt the butter, and then whisk in the flour to make a roux. Gradually whisk in the milk, whisk in the chicken broth, stirring until it has thickened.

Stir in the salt, pepper, and mushrooms. Add the chicken, noodles, and Parmesan cheese, stirring to combine. Pour the mixture into a prepare baking dish, cover, and bake for 45 minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Baked Pastina Casseroles
1 cup of small Pasta
2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
½ cup of Chicken Breasts
1 clove of Garlic
14 ounces of chopped Tomatoes
1 cup of Mozzarella
¼ cup of fresh Parsley
¼ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Pepper
¼ cup of Bread Crumbs
¼ cup of Parmesan
1 tablespoon of Butter

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Saute the chicken in the olive oil for 3 minutes. Add the onion and garlic, stirring to combine, and cooking for another 5 minutes. Remove the skillet from the heat and combine the mixture with the pasta. Add the tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, parsley, salt, and pepper, stirring to combine. Pour the mixture into a buttered baking dish and set aside.

Combine the bread crumbs and parmesan cheese, sprinkling over the pasta. Dot it with butter and baking until it is golden, about 30 minutes.

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The Food Issue

7/14/2015

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There was a time I asked for my Vogue subscription to be renewed. My grandfather got me Architectural Digest. This year he let that slip and now Travel & Leisure in the mail.

I don't know who the target audience is for this. People with money. The kind of people who send their children abroad for the semester. The kind of people who get their children Mercedes Benz for their 16th birthday. Needless to say. Not me.

Usually I recycle it (I know how very earth conscious of me), but this months said that it was the “Food Issue”. Finally something I can use. The cover says Austin is “way beyond barbecue” that Singapore is the “best eating on earth” and that Greenland has “the new arctic cuisine”. Turn up.

The Gulfstream IV

The Cessna Citation X+

The Pilatus PC-12 NG

Now there is a lack of actual recipes for me to give you, but I'm sure google will be more then useful in this endeavor. This issue of this magazine centers primarily on good places to eat around the world. If you have a week and the money to fly all around the world, I have some great suggestions on where you should go for a culinary experience.

While, your at it why don't you fly private. I know. You can't afford private, but wait is “Private The New Business Class”? This is a legitimate article in this magazine. They even have a section entitled “know your private jet”. What kind of upper middle class bullshit is this. One of their suggestions is to get a membership to a private jet membership club that start at $1,750 a month.

It's a fascinating if completely unrealistic read.

Words you probably never expected to hear was “Italo-Slovenian Comfort Food”, but may I suggest if you are ever the Slovenian “Hisa Franko”. Apparently the owner's husband is a biodynamic wine connoisseur. If that doesn't make you want to take all your clothes off I don't know what will.

The Hisa Franko

The Broad Museum

The Atlanta Botanical Garden

There are now also restaurants in MUSEUMS. You have heard it first. Both the Broad Museum and the Whitney have respective places to gorge yourself while you enjoy fine art. My personal favorite is the stunning restaurant opening in the Atlanta Botanical Garden. What will be on the menu? It will be a surprise. As the article says the menu consists of “whatever is fresh from the edible garden”.

One that actually fascinated me was this section on Food Courts. The five brought up are centrally located in Coppenhagen, Atlanta, New York, Rotterdam, and New Orleans. Nothing warms my heart more then gourmet food courts.

The Copenhagen Street Food

The Ponce City Market in Atlanta

The Urbanspace Vanderbilt in New York

The Markthal in Rotterdam

The St. Roch Market in New Orleans

What can I say. Unless you have the budget to travel in your private jet all of this beautiful food imagery is too much. Now you know where to go. And, if you want more posh day dreams go out and find yourself the July Issue of Travel & Leisure.

RECIPES:
Artic Char with Mushrooms
4 Six Ounce Skinless Arctic Char Fillets
Salt
Pepper
4 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
8 ounces of sliced White Button Mushrooms
2 finely chopped Shallots
2 tablespoons of Red Wine Vinegar
2 teaspoons of Whole-Grain Mustard
1 tablespoon of chopped Chives
1 tablespoon of chopped Parsley
2 bunches of Arugula

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Season the fish with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until shimmering. Add the fish and sear until golden on the bottom and cooked halfway through, about 3 minutes. Flip onto a baking sheet and bake until cooked through, 3 to 5 more minutes.

Meanwhile, wipe out the skillet, return to medium-high heat and add the remaining 3 tablespoons oil. Add the mushrooms and cook, without stirring, until browned on one side, about 1 minute. Stir and cook until browned all over, about 3 more minutes. Add the shallots and cook until soft, stirring, about 2 minutes. Whisk in 2 tablespoons vinegar and the mustard and bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and stir in the chives and parsley.

Drizzle the arugula with oil and vinegar in a bowl, season with salt and pepper and toss. Divide among plates and serve with the fish. Spoon the mushrooms and pan juices on top.

Arctic Char: The Fish

Chicken Parmesan
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 teaspoon of chopped Rosemary Leaves
1 teaspoon of chopped Thyme Leaves
1 teaspoon of chopped Italian Parsley Leaves
Salt
Pepper
8 three ounce Chicken Cutlets
1 1/2 cups of the Simple Tomato Sauce
1/2 cup of Mozzarella
16 teaspoons of grated Parmesan
2 tablespoons of Unsalted Butter
Simple Tomato Sauce
1/2 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Onion
2 Cloves of Garlic
1 stalk of Celery
1 Carrot
Salt
Pepper
Two 32-ounce cans of Crushed Tomatoes
4 Basil Leaves
2 Bay Leaves
4 tablespoons of Butter

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F.

Stir the oil and herbs in a small bowl to blend. Season with salt and pepper. Brush both sides of the cutlets with the herb oil. Heat a large heavy oven-proof skillet over high heat. Add the cutlets and cook just until brown, about 2 minutes per side. Remove the skillet from the heat.

Spoon the marinara sauce over and around the cutlets. Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of the mozzarella over each cutlet, then sprinkle 2 teaspoons of the Parmesan over each. Sprinkle the butter pieces atop the cutlets. Bake until the cheese melts and the chicken is cooked through, about 3 to 5 minutes.

In a large casserole pot, heat the oil over medium high heat. Add the onion and garlic and saute until soft and translucent, about 2 minutes. Add the celery and carrots and season with salt and pepper. Saute until all the vegetables are soft, about 5 minutes. Add the tomatoes, basil, and bay leaves and simmer covered on low heat for 1 hour or until thick. Remove the bay leaves and check for seasoning. If the sauce still tastes acidic, add unsalted butter, 1 tablespoon at a time to round out the flavors.

Add half the tomato sauce into the bowl of a food processor. Process until smooth. Continue with the remaining tomato sauce.

Marinated Grilled Shrimp
3 Cloves of Garlic
1/3 cup of Olive Oil
¼ cup of Tomato Sauce
2 tablespoons of Red Wine Vinegar
2 tablespoons of Basil
½ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper
2 pounds of Shrimp

In a large bowl, stir together the garlic, olive oil, tomato sauce, and red wine vinegar. Season with basil, salt, and cayenne pepper. Add shrimp to the bowl, and stir until evenly coated. Cover, and refrigerate for 30 minutes to 1 hour, stirring once or twice.

Preheat grill for medium heat. Thread shrimp onto skewers, piercing once near the tail and once near the head. Discard marinade.

Lightly oil grill grate. Cook shrimp on preheated grill for 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until opaque.

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