So, recently I've started purchasing Madonna movies. You've been told your whole life that Madonna can't act. That's not true. She is by no means a great actress, but she is not as untalented as people portray her to be. What's really taking away from it, is how bad the scripts are. She's not bad, but what she's acting out is a mess.
Madonna knows what we want musically, but as far as scripts go, she doesn't know a good one from a bad one. She's had a lot of hits and misses, but her misses have been catastrophic.
I started watching them about two weeks ago, and I was feeling gourmet. So, I didn't just pop some microwave popcorn. No, I got out the air popper and started really going at some popcorn recipes I found online.
Madonna knows what we want musically, but as far as scripts go, she doesn't know a good one from a bad one. She's had a lot of hits and misses, but her misses have been catastrophic.
I started watching them about two weeks ago, and I was feeling gourmet. So, I didn't just pop some microwave popcorn. No, I got out the air popper and started really going at some popcorn recipes I found online.
The first Madonna movie I started with was A League of Their Own. This is a classic movie that you should get around to seeing. The basic premise is about a girls a baseball team during World War II. It stars Geena Davis and Tom Hanks in lead roles with Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell in supporting roles.
For this movie I made some good old fashioned Caramel Corn. It was sticky and sweet and I felt very baseball inspired. I can't tell you why I felt that way, considering I've never been to a baseball game in my life, but that's beside the point.
I personally did not enjoy this movie. Buttercup told me that she liked it, but I'm just not a big fan. It wasn't even that it was a sports movie, because I have liked some, I just didn't like any of the characters. The sisterly relationship between Geena Davis and Lori Petty was just irritating. The whole time Geena Davis's character would just undermine the sport and say “it didn't matter to her”. I got fed up with them. And, Tom Hanks was just horrible. His character got better at the end, but there was no redemption in his role for me.
For this movie I made some good old fashioned Caramel Corn. It was sticky and sweet and I felt very baseball inspired. I can't tell you why I felt that way, considering I've never been to a baseball game in my life, but that's beside the point.
I personally did not enjoy this movie. Buttercup told me that she liked it, but I'm just not a big fan. It wasn't even that it was a sports movie, because I have liked some, I just didn't like any of the characters. The sisterly relationship between Geena Davis and Lori Petty was just irritating. The whole time Geena Davis's character would just undermine the sport and say “it didn't matter to her”. I got fed up with them. And, Tom Hanks was just horrible. His character got better at the end, but there was no redemption in his role for me.
"There's no crying in baseball!"
-Jimmy Dugan
It's sad day when you see a movie and Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell are your favorite parts of the movie.
I proceeded to watch the Dick Tracy movie that stars Warren Beatty alongside Madonna as Breathless Mahoney, a sultry lounge singer. Set in the 1920's, there's something unmistakably bad about this movie. It was obviously meant to be that way (More then likely drawing influence from the Dick Tracy comic books), but I wasn't a fan. I didn't really like Dick Tracy, and it was very violent. This is a Disney movie mind you. The violence was all very cartoonish, but I just didn't like it. There's gangsters and big musical numbers, but at the end it just didn't work for me.
It was beautiful, though. A stunning spectacle of color. It did however make me appreciate the I'm Breathless more. I've been listening to it every day since I saw the movie.
The popcorn on the other hand was great. I made a Macadamia Butter Crunch Popcorn that would make Roseanne Barr proud.
It was beautiful, though. A stunning spectacle of color. It did however make me appreciate the I'm Breathless more. I've been listening to it every day since I saw the movie.
The popcorn on the other hand was great. I made a Macadamia Butter Crunch Popcorn that would make Roseanne Barr proud.
You probably haven't heard of the next movie I saw. I was actually very excited about this movie. It was called the Dangerous Game and starred Madonna in the lead along with Harvey Keitel and James Russo. This movie received rave reviews for both Madonna's acting and the movie in general. Harvey Keitel stars as a director producing a movie about domestic abuse, where the wife has found religion and is trying to save her husband from their former lifestyle of drugs, debauchery, and alcohol. The director expects so much from his actors that he along with them begin living out the onstage drama.
As one reviewer put it “The film is very disturbing, yet so brilliant. It is sadly poetic in an exestential anti-transformatve sort of Bataille-spiritual sort of way” and that this move is for a fan of “high end, classy, post modern, underground narrative cinema.” Now if you can decode what that means, you'll have a better grasp on this movie. I loved this movie. It was fantastic. And, I never want to see it again.
That popcorn on the other hand. That will be made again. Mind you when no one else was around. It was a Garlic Lover's Popcorn.
As one reviewer put it “The film is very disturbing, yet so brilliant. It is sadly poetic in an exestential anti-transformatve sort of Bataille-spiritual sort of way” and that this move is for a fan of “high end, classy, post modern, underground narrative cinema.” Now if you can decode what that means, you'll have a better grasp on this movie. I loved this movie. It was fantastic. And, I never want to see it again.
That popcorn on the other hand. That will be made again. Mind you when no one else was around. It was a Garlic Lover's Popcorn.
After that came Body of Evidence an erotic thriller along the lines of Basic Instinct, that along with her coffee table bookSex and her album Erotica almost completely undid her career. The premise was that Madonna was on trial for killing her elderly lover by having rough sadomasochistic sex with him. He had left her eight million dollars, and living in rural Oregon, what else were people to think?
"Why watch porn of other people, when you can watch friends?"
- Rebecca Carlson
- Rebecca Carlson
She inevitably ends up having passionate sex with her lawyer, played by Willem Dafoe in many compromising places. It's shocking, but as one person put it “the only reason to watch it is if you want to see Madonna naked”. I oddly enjoyed it and I'll probably watch it again some day, but I agree it is not quality cinema. That's what made the Sweet and Spicy Popcorn the perfect pairing.
| This is where I disagree with that reviewer. If you just want to see Madonna naked watch her documentary Truth or Dare. It follows her on her Blonde Ambition Tour and she reveals her body, her backup dancers reveal their body. Everyone gets naked. It's fabulous. You get to see the “real” Madonna as much as she'll let you. As a fan I enjoyed it, and it is one of the most famous documentaries of all time, so you probably should get around to seeing it. If you don't. I understand. I don't think this movie will convert Madonna haters, but for fans it's priceless. |  |
I was watching this movie with the dog and he tried walking out of the room and I was like “Not today bitch. Not today.” We were watching Madonna and he wanted to walk out of the room to get food. That's what we call blasphemy. He even tried getting at my Sassy Lemon Popcorn. That dog and I were having problems that day.
The final movie I saw was W.E. Now you may remember this movie, and your saying to yourself “Madonna wasn't in that.” No, she wasn't. However, she wrote and directed it, so I had to see it. I had no high hopes for this movie. Then, I saw it. A near perfect movie. Some editing would have been useful in order to trim it down, but that doesn't change my opinion.
Tens across the board.
It's an elegantly and stylish and beautifully dramatic look into the lives of two fragile, yet passionate women entwined through the decade. Wally Winthrop is a present day New Yorker who becomes obsessed with the greatest romance of the 20th century (King Edward VIII's and Wallis Simpson's Love affair). Their lives lead striking parallels and it's moving. That's all I can say about this movie. It's incredibly moving. It's rated R for nudity and language. There were two scenes that used this and each scene was vital to the movie. There's nothing I would change about it. W.E. is the one movie out of all six I've mentioned I think you have to watch.
For the popcorn go Classic.
Tens across the board.
It's an elegantly and stylish and beautifully dramatic look into the lives of two fragile, yet passionate women entwined through the decade. Wally Winthrop is a present day New Yorker who becomes obsessed with the greatest romance of the 20th century (King Edward VIII's and Wallis Simpson's Love affair). Their lives lead striking parallels and it's moving. That's all I can say about this movie. It's incredibly moving. It's rated R for nudity and language. There were two scenes that used this and each scene was vital to the movie. There's nothing I would change about it. W.E. is the one movie out of all six I've mentioned I think you have to watch.
For the popcorn go Classic.
Recipes:
Caramel Corn
6 cups of Popped Popcorn
1 cup of Brown Sugar
½ cup of Butter
½ teaspoon of Baking Soda
¼ cup of Light Corn Syrup
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 tablespoon of Vanilla Extract
Preheat oven to 250 degrees
Pour the popped popcorn into a large roasting pan.
Combine the butter, light corn syrup, and sugar, bringing the mixture to a boil, while stirring constantly. Remove the pan from the heat, then add the vanilla extract and baking soda mixing thoroughly (the mixture will increase in volume 2-3 times).
Pour the syrup mixture over popped popcorn and stir until it is well coated. Bake for 60 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
NOTE: You can keep this in an airtight container for 7 days
Macadamia Butter Crunch Popcorn
2 quarts of Popped Popcorn
3 ½ ounces of Macadamia Nuts
¾ cups of Brown Sugar
3 tablespoons of Light Corn Syrup
1/3 cup of Butter (melted)
½ teaspoon of Salt
½ teaspoon of Baking Soda
½ teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees
Pour the popcorn and the macadamia nuts into a baking dish.
Stir together the light corn syrup and brown sugar, heating for 6 minutes in the mircrowave, stirring after the first 3 minutes.
Add the butter, salt, baking soda, and vanilla extract. Pour the syrup over the popcorn, stirring gently to coat the popcorn evenly. Bake for 5 minutes, stirring after the first 3 minutes. Allow the popcorn to cool, then break it into pieces.
NOTE: This will keep in an airtight container for 7 days.
Garlic Lovers Popcorn
1 quart of Popped Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Butter (Melted)
2 teaspProons of Garlic Powder
½ teaspoon of Onion Powder
¼ of Orange Zest
A dash of Cayenne Pepper
Combine all ingredients, tossing to coat evenly.
Sweet and Spicy Popcorn
1 quart of Popped Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Butter (Melted)
3 tablespoons of Sugar
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
¼ teaspoon of Nutmeg
½ teaspoon of Orange Zest
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees
Combine the sugar, butter,cinnamon, nutmeg, and orange zest, mixing well. Toss all ingredients together to coat the popcorn evenly. Pour the mixture into a baking dish, baking for 10 minutes
Caramel Corn
6 cups of Popped Popcorn
1 cup of Brown Sugar
½ cup of Butter
½ teaspoon of Baking Soda
¼ cup of Light Corn Syrup
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 tablespoon of Vanilla Extract
Preheat oven to 250 degrees
Pour the popped popcorn into a large roasting pan.
Combine the butter, light corn syrup, and sugar, bringing the mixture to a boil, while stirring constantly. Remove the pan from the heat, then add the vanilla extract and baking soda mixing thoroughly (the mixture will increase in volume 2-3 times).
Pour the syrup mixture over popped popcorn and stir until it is well coated. Bake for 60 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
NOTE: You can keep this in an airtight container for 7 days
Macadamia Butter Crunch Popcorn
2 quarts of Popped Popcorn
3 ½ ounces of Macadamia Nuts
¾ cups of Brown Sugar
3 tablespoons of Light Corn Syrup
1/3 cup of Butter (melted)
½ teaspoon of Salt
½ teaspoon of Baking Soda
½ teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees
Pour the popcorn and the macadamia nuts into a baking dish.
Stir together the light corn syrup and brown sugar, heating for 6 minutes in the mircrowave, stirring after the first 3 minutes.
Add the butter, salt, baking soda, and vanilla extract. Pour the syrup over the popcorn, stirring gently to coat the popcorn evenly. Bake for 5 minutes, stirring after the first 3 minutes. Allow the popcorn to cool, then break it into pieces.
NOTE: This will keep in an airtight container for 7 days.
Garlic Lovers Popcorn
1 quart of Popped Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Butter (Melted)
2 teaspProons of Garlic Powder
½ teaspoon of Onion Powder
¼ of Orange Zest
A dash of Cayenne Pepper
Combine all ingredients, tossing to coat evenly.
Sweet and Spicy Popcorn
1 quart of Popped Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Butter (Melted)
3 tablespoons of Sugar
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
¼ teaspoon of Nutmeg
½ teaspoon of Orange Zest
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees
Combine the sugar, butter,cinnamon, nutmeg, and orange zest, mixing well. Toss all ingredients together to coat the popcorn evenly. Pour the mixture into a baking dish, baking for 10 minutes
Sassy Lemon Popcorn
1/3 cup of Butter (Melted)
1 cup of Sugar
¼ cup of Light Corn Syrup
¼ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Baking Soda
1 tablespoon of Lemon Zest
2 quarts of Popped Popcorn
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees
Combine the butter, sugar, light corn syrup, and salt, bringing the mixture to a boil while stirring constantly. Reduce the heat to a simmer, and cook, until the mixture reaches 250 degrees on a candy thermometer.
Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the baking soda and lemon zest (the mixture will expand 2-3 times in size). Pour the mixture over the popped corn in a baking pan, stirring to coat the popcorn evenly. Bake for 10 minutes, stirring after the first 5 minutes.
Cool, then break the popcorn into pieces.
NOTE: This will store in an airtight container for up to 7 days.
Classic Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Vegetable Oil
½ cup of Popcorn Kernels
3 tablespoons of Butter
Salt and Pepper
Combine the oil and popcorn into a large pan. Cover the pan and place over medium high heat. Shake occasionally, until the popping has mostly stopped. Pour into a bowl and toss with melted butter. Season with salt and pepper to taste before serving.
1/3 cup of Butter (Melted)
1 cup of Sugar
¼ cup of Light Corn Syrup
¼ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Baking Soda
1 tablespoon of Lemon Zest
2 quarts of Popped Popcorn
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees
Combine the butter, sugar, light corn syrup, and salt, bringing the mixture to a boil while stirring constantly. Reduce the heat to a simmer, and cook, until the mixture reaches 250 degrees on a candy thermometer.
Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the baking soda and lemon zest (the mixture will expand 2-3 times in size). Pour the mixture over the popped corn in a baking pan, stirring to coat the popcorn evenly. Bake for 10 minutes, stirring after the first 5 minutes.
Cool, then break the popcorn into pieces.
NOTE: This will store in an airtight container for up to 7 days.
Classic Popcorn
2 tablespoons of Vegetable Oil
½ cup of Popcorn Kernels
3 tablespoons of Butter
Salt and Pepper
Combine the oil and popcorn into a large pan. Cover the pan and place over medium high heat. Shake occasionally, until the popping has mostly stopped. Pour into a bowl and toss with melted butter. Season with salt and pepper to taste before serving.
While, I was doing this weeks article, I stumbled across this poem on popcorn:
| “Pop It (Popcorn)” Peanut butter on my popcorn? Girl please That’s like putting jam on toast It’s got to be jelly, cause jelly don’t shake I’m going pop it Without your butter No one got time for margarine How we going to make time For a butter that’s thick and creamy All I need is my salt and pepper And those kernels are going to pop themselves No need for Orville We’ll pop it in the bowl If they end up on the floor We’ll leave them there They’re going to have to pop back in it That’s how you do it You pop it popcorn Sit back Watch the movie Now you know I’m right Peanut butter… Girl |  |
I hope you appreciated that brilliant prose. It reminds me how much I love the internet.
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