Everyone's favorite horror/comedy is back for it's second season. Emma Roberts, Billie Lourd, and Abigail Breslin are all reprising their roles as the Chanels. Last season left us with the Red Devil Killer looming over Chanel #1, knife in hand.
The writers assure us that there's a new killer this season and that the Red Devil is not “back”. The show has updated it's set from college to hospital. Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) is heading it up. Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer) is also back to help “save lives”.
Scream Queens is Back
All we've seen so far is a snippet of the Chanel's walking down a corridor, but this season is sure to be bloodier and sexier then before. That is if we're to trust Ryan Murphy.
One of the main creators behind the show, he's enlisted John Stamos, Colton Haynes, and Taylor Lautner all to join the cast. His taste in men is hardly awe inspiring, but it is worthy of a GQ shoot. They should all be filling roles as nurses/doctors at the new hospital respectively.
The new season is set three years after the Chanel's got thrown in jail. The year is now 2019 and we'll be able to see what the future looks like as soon as September 20th comes around. Set your TV's for 9:00. We'll have a new Scream Queens and we'll know who the president is.
How To Eat Healthy 2015
Honestly, I try to be healthyish, but some of this food is a mess. It does not look good. It's so funny that I try to eat well. I made the grocery list this week for my mother. She's leaving to go visit my great aunt and I was like get me these fruits and vegetables. Don't buy me junk food. Get me those grape nuts. Get me those corn flakes. I really do like that type of cereal, though. I sound like a survivor of the Great Depression who's living in the nursing home, but I love those old people cereals. They slay me.
I try that is all I can say. If there is only healthy type foods to eat in the house that's what I'm going to eat. I was watching Ugly Betty tonight and I started out strong. Got me some strawberries and a banana, then those caramel chocolate dipped things called my name and I recanted. Eating healthy is hard when salt and sugar are calling your name.
It's not even about just eating healthy. It's about eating sustainable. I went to this thing at my school about it and life is just complicated. I honestly preferred life before I had to make adult decisions. I keep forgetting that I can vote in elections. I am now old enough to make a change in the world. It's intimidating. I don't want to make my own doctor's appointments. I just want to sit at home and listen to Cyndi Lauper. That's what I really want.
Shout out to anyone who is trying to eat healthy. Over breaks I do better, because I'll cook for myself. And, there's something that just seems more inherently healthy about cooking for yourself. But, during the school year. Between work and school obligations it's exhausting doing more then making a box of mac and cheese.
Hopefully, these recipes help you. We all have to eat and life is too short to eat food you don't enjoy. I don't know who the target audience of Bon Appetit, but something tells me it's upper middle class bored suburban housewife. I don't know who else could afford to make this.
The Greenest Smoothie
1 frozen Banana
1 cup of frozen Pineapple Pieces
1 cup of fresh Parsley
1 cup of Unsweetened Almond Milk
2 tablespoons of Almond Butter
2 tablespoons of Flaxseed Oil
1 teaspoon of Agave Nectar
1 teaspoon of Matcha
½ teaspoon of finely grated peeled Ginger
Puree all ingredients together. Sweeten with more agave if desired.
SIDE NOTE: I have no fucking idea what Matcha is.
Bring brown rice, quinoa, amaranth, millet, wheat bran, salt, and 6 cups of water to a boil in a medium pot. Reduce heat, partially cover, and simmer, stirring occasionally, until cereal is the consistency of porridge (softer and thicker than the usual bowl of oatmeal) and water is absorbed. About 40-50 minutes.
Heat coconut oil in a medium skillet over medium-high. Cook coconut flakes, stirring often, until toasted, 2 minutes, transfer to a plate.
Add apple, cinnamon, and 2 tablespoons of honey to skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until apples are browned in spots about 3 minutes.
Serve porridge topped with apples, coconut, sea salt, bee pollen, and a drizzle of honey if you like.
SIDE NOTE: I don't know in what world someone has time to make this for breakfast. This is some dystopian novel shit. Bon Appetit is forgetting that we live in a capitalist society. Unless I get a maid this is not getting made for breakfast. And, in what universe is bee pollen casually thrown into the title of a recipe. This is what white America is.
“Tandoori” Carrots with Vadouvan Spice and Yogurt
2 tablespoons of Vadouvan
2 finely grated Garlic Cloves
½ cup of Plain Whole Milk Greek Yogurt
5 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 pound of Small Carrots
¼ teaspoons of Turmeric
2 tablespoons of Lemon Juice
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Mix vadouvan, half of garlic, ¼ cup of yogurt, and 3 tablespoons of oil in a large bowl until smooth, season with salt and pepper. Add carrots and toss to coat. Roast on a rimmed baking sheet in a single layer, turning occasionally, until tender and lightly charred in spots. 25-30 minutes.
Meanwhile heat turmeric and remaining 2 tablespoons of oil in a small skillet over medium low swirling skillet, until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat.
Whisk lemon juice, remaining garlic, and remaining ¼ cup of yogurt in a small bowl, season with salt and pepper.
Place carrots on a platter. Drizzle with yogurt mixture and turmeric oil and top with cilantro. Serve with lemon wedges.
SIDE NOTE: No, I don't know why there are quotations marks around tandoori.
Chocolate Coconut Date Bars
2 cups of pitted Dates
¾ cup of raw Cocoa Powder
¾ cup of Unsweetened Shredded Coconut
¼ cup of Cocao Nibs
2 tablespoon of Agave Syrup
1 teaspoon of Kosher Salt
2 tablespoons of Water
Coat 8x8 baking pan with nonstick vegetable oil spray, line with parchement leaving overhang on all sides. Blend all ingredients in food processor until smooth. Press mixture firmly into pan. Cut into bars.
Normally, I would be like e-mail comment if you need any help. Yeah, I don't know what's happening. However, if you actually make any of these. Please comment. I want to know if there as terrible as they sound. All recipes came from the January issue of this year's Bon Appetit.
All Hands On Deck
If you read my Media Monday on the music coming out in October you would know I had every intention of buying Tinashe's Aquarius. I did buy it at six in the morning at Walmart. Because, mama had school early, and I also did not want the explicit version. I do not know if you have heard the Schoolboy Q's rap on “2 On”, but it is nasty. I just did not need that in my life.
I am so unprepared to talk to you about this album, because I like it. I just don't know. There is some over reaching concept I have not put together. Mainly, because who knows what Tinashe is saying.
Do you know what she says on “2 On”. That song is so basic and I love it. So, instead of giving my verdict on this album. Let me just tell you about Tinashe. Who I like.
I really liked “2 On” but I didn't know who sang it until Tinashe went on the Wendy Williams show and performed it. She danced, I'm fairly sure she lip synced, but I'm not judging, and I was like. This girl and I could get along.
Me and Anna Wintour just see him and we want him in our lives. In Vogue on my blog. Everywhere. I don't know I really like A$AP. I haven't take the time to invest in his music, but I wouldn't switch it if it came on the radio.
One problem I have with Aquarius is that it's like Tinashe wants it to play like a mixtape, and I don't like Jhene Aiko's EP for the same reasons. When she goes for the jugular, Tinashe hits. Go ahead and listen to “All Hands On Deck”, “Feels Like Vegas”, and “Wildfire”.
These are the songs that will tear up the radio. Not, “Pretend”. Although, I hope it does well for her.
Now, all of you are thinking. What kind of recipes are you bringing to the table. Fish. You better believe it. So, go get you some salmon, snag Tinashe's album on the way out the door and treat yourself.
Balsamic Glazed Salmon
4 Salmon Steaks
1 teaspoon of Canola
¼ cup of Orange Juice
3 tablespoons of Balsamic Vinegar
3 tablespoons of Honey
1 tablespoon of Vinegar
¼ teaspoon of Red Pepper Flakes
1 sprig of Rosemary
Season the slam with salt and pepper on both sides, and then broil or grill it.
Meanwhile, stir together the orange juice, balsamic vinegar, honey, vinegar, red pepper flakes, and rosemary, cooking until the sauce has thickened slightly, about 5 minutes. Spoon the sauce over the salmon.
1 pound of Flounder
5 tablespoon of Cilantro
3 minced Scallions
2 tablespoons of Cider Vinegar
4 teaspoons of Canola
¾ cup of Mayonnaise
1 tablespoon of Lime Juice
1 clove of minced Garlic
2 teaspoon of Chili Powder
½ teaspoon of Coriander
¼ teaspoon of Cumin
2 cups of shredded Cabbage
Combine, cabbage, ¼ cup of cilantro, scallions, cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon of canola oil, and ¼ teaspoon of salt. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Whisk together the remaining cilantro, mayonnaise, lime juice, and garlic. Season it with salt and pepper to taste. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Combine the chili powder, coriander, cumin, ¼ teaspoon of salt and ¼ teaspoon of pepper. Pat the fish dry, then brush with the canola oil, and sprinkle liberally on both sides with the seasoning mixture. Grill the fish and serve.
You can either heat the corn tortillas or fry them crisp.
NOTE: If you prefer you substitute the flounder for mahi mahi.
Maple Glazed Salmon
4 Salmon Steaks
1 tablespoon of Maple Syrup
1 tablespoon of Teriyaki Sauce
1 tablespoon of Pineapple Juice
1 teaspoon of minced Ginger Root
1 clove of minced Garlic
Combine the maple syrup, teriyaki sauce, pineapple juice, ginger root, and garlic mixing well. Marinate the salmon in the refrigerator for 1-24 hours.
Grill or broil, about 15 minutes. Do not turn.
Lemon Buttery Fish
4 pieces of Cod
1 zested Lemon
3 tablespoons of butter
2 tablespoons of sliced Green Onion
Sprinkle fish with Montreal seasoning. Set aside.
Combine the butter, green onions, and lemon zest. Slather the mixture on top of the fish, and broil or grill, about 10-12 minutes.
We Oughta Be Drinking
There is absolutely no reason you should know this, but Sheryl Crow did a cookbook. And, by Sheryl Crow did a cookbook I mean her personal chef wrote a cookbook and Sheryl Crow put her name on it. The cookbook is really cool it has little anecdote's about the recipes. You know Sheryl Crow had breast cancer a few years ago.
That's what this cookbook came from. It's all health food. I have adapted the recipes for you. There will be no margarine. That is not how I roll. I honestly cannot believe that Sheryl Crow lives in Nashville and she decided that it was acceptable to use margarine. Do they even sell margarine in the south. I just do not know what happened.
Sheryl Crow is probably one of the strangest obsessions I have. I love this woman. I own all her records. She was my first concert. Sheryl Crow is everything to me. I hated Lance Armstrong long before everyone else, because he broke her heart. Honestly, I don't even know why we knew his name. He rode a bike really fast. We are Americans. We care about: football, basketball, and baseball. Sure some people watch golf. Tennis is sort of a thing. But, those are our three main sports. That is what we as Americans support. So, why did we ever care about Lance Armstrong is beyond me.
I just know he treated her wrong. And, I already kind of hate men. That is such a blanket statement I don't mean, but whenever a man does something stupid, I'm just like men. You just need to listen to her song “Diamond Ring”. There is pain and sorrow.
It is also sung horribly, but that is Sheryl Crow's trademark. “Leaving Las Vegas”, “Strong Enough”, “Can't Cry Anymore”. When I saw her live it was funny to hear her throw her voice. She would go from singing well to whatever it is she does.
If you like her music go see her. She is not a huge production kind of gal. You will not see back up dancers and hip gyration. She's just a girl with her guitar kind of singer. Her stories are funny. Before some of the songs she would tell us the story behind it and it was just fascinating. The last song she sang when I saw her was “I Shall Believe” and I was like I shall believe you will sing another song.
She did not.
Buy "Sign Your Name"
I might have to take back what I said about her not caring about making a commercially viable record. Sheryl Crow can still sell she just needs her music on the radio. And, her last album Feels Like Home was being aimed at the country market.
She still didn't really get a hit, though. The lead single “Easy” is straight up, classic Sheryl Crow. It's perfect. But, it didn't chart top. Despite the fact that it was a radio worthy single, Sheryl Crow has proven herself to be viable in the country market (remember “Picture” with Kid Rock), and even though she has always been a rock singer. Sheryl Crow has always thrown in a little country to her music. So, she should have no problems with country radio.
And, yet here we are in 2014 and she hasn't had a radio hit yet. Not even follow up single “Callin' Me When I'm Lonely” that wasn't even written by her. This song was heralded by famous country hit makers. It still couldn't make a dent.
This is probably why I don't listen to country music. It's a little bit misogynistic. It's a little bit racist. And it's a little bit sexist.
I am not crazy. I want you to name one country singer who isn't white. I can name one off the top of my head. Mind you I am not a country buff. If there are other relevant singers besides Darius Rucker let me know.
As far as women go. I can name four popular female country singers right now. I am not talking about the greats: Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton, LeAnn Rimes, Martina McBride, Reba. This is about current famous female country singers. I'm thinking Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Kacey Musgraves, and we might as well include Taylor Swift. Because, even if this girl released a death metal album in Japanese we would still call her a country artist.
If you have even bothered to listen to country radio recently. I think you can understand where the misogyny is coming from.
That being said. I think it's a good move for Sheryl Crow if she can ever get her songs on the radio. I'm just worried that it isn't possible anymore.
Below are some of the recipes mother cooked and Bubble eated that we liked.
Pecan Trusted Trout
1/4 cup of Flour
1 teaspoon of Lemon Pepper seasoning
1/2 teaspoon of Garlic Powder
1 1/2 tablespoon of milk
1 cup of chopped Pecans
4 skin on Trout Fillets (4 to 5 ounces)
2 tablespoons of Canola Oil
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees
In a shallow dish whisk together the four, seasoning and garlic powder. IN a second dish, whisk together the egg and milk. Put the pecans in a third dish or plate.
Coat the side of a fillet without the skin with the flour and then with the egg wash. Press it gently into the pecans to coat thoroughly. Repeat with the remaining trout fillets, so that all 4 are coated on the side without skin.
In a large skillet, heat the canola oil over medium-high heat and when hot, sear the trout, skin side up, for 2 minutes. Turn the fish fillets gently with a spatula and sear the skin side for 2 minutes longer. Transfer the fillets to a lightly oiled baking sheet or shallow pan and bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until cooked through.
Cross Creak Cream (Eggnog)
One 14 ounce can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 cup of Heavy Cream
2 1/2 tablespoons of Chocolate Syrup
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
1/2 teaspoon of Almond Extract
In a blender mix the condensed milk and cream*. Add the beaten eggs and blend until well mixed. Add the chocolate syrup, vanilla, and almond extract and blend for about 1 minute.
Pour mixture into a large picture, cover and chill for at least 1 hour and up to 2 days. When thoroughly chilled, pour into glasses and serve.
*If you would like to make it alcoholic add 2 1/2 cups of Bourbon at this point.
2 cups of Couscous
1/2 teaspoon of Salt
1 1/2 cups of thinly sliced Spinach
1 1/2 cups of thinly sliced Red Cabbage
1 cup of canned Chickpeas (drained and rinsed)
1/2 cup of Dried Cranberries
1/3 cup of sliced and toasted Almonds
2 tablespoons of chopped Cilantro
3 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 tablespoons of Lemon Juice
1 tablespoon of Yellow Curry Powder
Put the couscous in a large glass or ceramic bowl and pour 3 cups of boiling water over it. Add the salt and stir to mix. Cover and let the couscous soak for at least 15 minutes and no longer than 20 minutes. Fluff the couscous with a fork.
Add the spinach, cabbage, chickpeas, cranberries, almonds, and cilantro and toss thoroughly. Dress with the olive oil and lemon juice and season to taste with salt and pepper. Toss again thoroughly.
Add 1 tablespoon of curry powder and toss again. Taste and add more curry if needed. Serve warm or at room temperature.
Apple-Cranberry Crisp with Vanilla-Almond Granola
5 peeled, cored and thinly sliced Apples
1/3 cup of Dried Cranberries
1/3 cup of Butter
1/2 cup of Brown Sugar
1/2 cup of Flour
1/2 cup of plain Granola
1/4 cup of roasted Almonds
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
3/4 teaspoon of ground Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon of Salt
Vanilla Ice Cream
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease and 8x8 baking pan.
Spread the apple slices and cranberries in the pan in an even layer.
In a separate bowl, using your fingers and a fork or wooden spoon, mix together the butter, sugar, flour, granola, almonds, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt. The mixture will be crumbly, not smooth. Spoon the mixture over the fruit, spreading it so that it covers the fruit evenly.
Bake the crisp for about 30 minutes or until the top is golden brown and the apples are tender and bubbling.
Serve the crisp warm or at room temperature, with ice cream.
ALL RECIPES FROM the cookbook If It Makes You Healthy by Sheryl Crow and Chuck White with Mary Goodbody.
Everything's a competition when you're raised by the television.