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I'm here today to give you the dish on Ariana Grande and a recipe or two on how to make donuts. I just want everyone to know that it bothers me that the plural of doughnut is donuts. Why all those letters be missing.
At this point you should know about Doughnut Gate. It's been a good bit of time and as per usual I had no idea what to blog about today. This is the scene. Ariana is out with her boyfriend/back up dancer at a doughnut shop where they both dare each other to lick donuts. That they are not buying. You know Ariana is on the Honeymoon Tour right now. She's had a massive amount of hits from My Everything and I guess she decided she needed a man. |
My first problem is that she's dating her back up dancer. This is such an early 2000's trend. Dating your back up dancer is not a good idea. Britney and Kevin. Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smarts (although they're still together). Sure, Madonna dated her back up dancer a few years ago, but they were having sex. They weren't 'dating'.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
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Madonna and Jesus Luz
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Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smarts
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That's what Ariana needs to learn. You have sex with the hunky male back up dancer. Do some crazy positions when you've had too much too drink and put him back on the shelf when the tour is over. Maybe even confide something to him to make him feel special. A serious relationship is not what this boy is for.
Also, the fact that this boy is not famous is the root of the problem. Big Sean would not have been caught dead in public being a freak with Ariana. But, this no name Ricky Alvarez is acting like the dumb twenty year old he is. He has nothing to lose. Ariana does. |
Now honestly all these people are surprised and appalled. They also can't believe she doesn't love America. Sit down all of you. If you haven't said you hate America at some point in your life, your not even a true American. These people are also the casual fans who only knows the hits. I mean that's all I know, but I do my research. Ariana is a bit of a freak. She is going to sex it up in the future. And, I'm sure a doughnut is one of the most respectable places she's ever put her tongue.
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People are so up in arms about this spit exchange and honestly I'm just not offended. Let's be real. The people who prepare our food do worse things then that. Ariana wasn't sick and neither was this boy toy. Whoever consumed this doughnut is not going to die of malaria from it.
The real question is if I would feel this way if this was Joe at the butcher shop down the street. No. I would be irritated. But, if you ingest Ariana Grande's spit. That's A-List celebrity grade saliva. You have been blessed. I don't want to take in D-List non-celebrity Ricky Alvarez's DNA. The truth of the matter is. People are going to forget about this in ten years. In one and we all bought My Everything all ready. We've already invested. We might as well stay on the Ariana train. Because, it's not stopping anytime soon. |
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RECIPES:
Yeast Donuts
2 ¾ cups of Flour
1 packet of Instant Yeast
3 tablespoons of Sugar
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Whole Milk (Warmed from 105-115 degrees)
1 ½ teaspoons of Pure Vanilla Extract
3 Egg Yolks
4 tablespoons of Butter
Vegetable Oil
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, stir together 2 cups of the flour, the yeast, sugar, and salt. Add the warm milk, vanilla, and egg yolks. Mix until smooth. Add the remaining flour and the butter and mix until incorporated. Continue to mix on medium speed until the dough is soft and smooth (it will be slightly sticky).
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and set in a draft-free place to rise for 1 hour, or refrigerate for up to 12 hours.
Lightly flour 2 baking sheets. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut with a floured donut cutter or a 3- to 3-1/2-inch biscuit cutter (for the latter, you’ll also need a 1-1/2-inch biscuit cutter to form the donut holes). Discard the dough scraps, or cut into pieces to fry separately after the donuts are done, as snacks.
Place the donuts and donut holes at least 1 inch apart on the baking sheets and cover loosely with plastic wrap. Set in a warm place to rise a second time until they are puffy and nearly double in size, about 15 to 30 minutes.
The donuts are ready when the dough springs back slowly after being touched with a fingertip (if it springs back at once, it needs more time; if it collapses, it has overproofed and you can reroll the dough and cut it once).
While the donuts rise, fill a large, heavy-bottomed pot with at least 2 inches of oil (the oil should not come more than halfway up the sides of the pan). Heat over medium-high heat until a deep-frying thermometer registers 360°F. Using a spatula, carefully lower a few donuts into the oil; do not crowd the pot. Fry for 1 to 2 minutes per side, turning a few times, until the donuts are a light golden brown and cooked through.
Remove with a spider or slotted spoon, drain on a wire rack over a paper towel, and let cool slightly before glazing or tossing in sugar.
Serve the donuts as is (warm is best), tossed in powdered sugar when cool.
Yeast Donuts
2 ¾ cups of Flour
1 packet of Instant Yeast
3 tablespoons of Sugar
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Whole Milk (Warmed from 105-115 degrees)
1 ½ teaspoons of Pure Vanilla Extract
3 Egg Yolks
4 tablespoons of Butter
Vegetable Oil
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, stir together 2 cups of the flour, the yeast, sugar, and salt. Add the warm milk, vanilla, and egg yolks. Mix until smooth. Add the remaining flour and the butter and mix until incorporated. Continue to mix on medium speed until the dough is soft and smooth (it will be slightly sticky).
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and set in a draft-free place to rise for 1 hour, or refrigerate for up to 12 hours.
Lightly flour 2 baking sheets. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut with a floured donut cutter or a 3- to 3-1/2-inch biscuit cutter (for the latter, you’ll also need a 1-1/2-inch biscuit cutter to form the donut holes). Discard the dough scraps, or cut into pieces to fry separately after the donuts are done, as snacks.
Place the donuts and donut holes at least 1 inch apart on the baking sheets and cover loosely with plastic wrap. Set in a warm place to rise a second time until they are puffy and nearly double in size, about 15 to 30 minutes.
The donuts are ready when the dough springs back slowly after being touched with a fingertip (if it springs back at once, it needs more time; if it collapses, it has overproofed and you can reroll the dough and cut it once).
While the donuts rise, fill a large, heavy-bottomed pot with at least 2 inches of oil (the oil should not come more than halfway up the sides of the pan). Heat over medium-high heat until a deep-frying thermometer registers 360°F. Using a spatula, carefully lower a few donuts into the oil; do not crowd the pot. Fry for 1 to 2 minutes per side, turning a few times, until the donuts are a light golden brown and cooked through.
Remove with a spider or slotted spoon, drain on a wire rack over a paper towel, and let cool slightly before glazing or tossing in sugar.
Serve the donuts as is (warm is best), tossed in powdered sugar when cool.
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Donut Zeppole
1 pound of Pizza Dough (store bought)
Canola Oil
¼ cup of Powdered Sugar
Cut the dough into 10 pieces.
With your hands, form balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Allow to rise about 45 minutes.
Deep fry in canola oil until cooked through and brown, about 3 to 4 minutes.
Drain on paper towels, sprinkle with powdered sugar, and serve warm.
1 pound of Pizza Dough (store bought)
Canola Oil
¼ cup of Powdered Sugar
Cut the dough into 10 pieces.
With your hands, form balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Allow to rise about 45 minutes.
Deep fry in canola oil until cooked through and brown, about 3 to 4 minutes.
Drain on paper towels, sprinkle with powdered sugar, and serve warm.
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