Category: Carrots

Rocky Road

4/19/2016

Road trips are wonderful.

As long as you have the right company, the right music, and the right snacks. If the conversation runs out at least you have some trail mix to snack on. Maybe you roll down the windows and take in the sun, so you can get melanoma.

I recently took a road trip. To a grand city in the state of Illinois. I was visiting the grandfather and the great Aunt. All over Easter break. There were pastels and little children. Painted bird eggs and a sunscreened Uncle.

The road trip involved an intense multi-hour car ride. We spent the first hour listening to country radio, because we hate ourselves.

The mother and I talked about everything. Politics. Religion. How the gays are ruining America. It was a wonderful bonding time. The air conditioning gave out, which was wonderful. We didn't even have an iced mocha cappuccino to make up for it.

The truth is we drove over a 100 miles without seeing a Starbucks. It was hell.

However, we did make up for it in the snack department. We didn't make anything. Although, I had considered throwing together some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I didn't do it. I'm a lazy person had Friends episodes to rewatch.

My mother does not allow eating in her car. It's a used/new car to the family that my mother sprung on the family last year. It was wonderful I came home to see this tan luxury item in my driveway, blocking my parking spot. Not that I minded.

We had the goods in the car.

Doritos, some caramel flavored Werther's popcorn. Bottles of water to off set the calories. It was great. I always believe that if you don't have an orange colored food on a road trip that you haven't truly taken a road trip. You can take cheetos, carrots if your a vegan, or starbursts if you want to pick through them all.

As a family we usually stock up. We make our own trail mix. Homemade snacks. We've gotten lazy with time. There used to be M&M and raisin filled trail mix. I remember when we went camping on this mountain. It was horrible. There were tents. Bugs. I did not enjoy it.

This time we splurged and stopped to get lunch. We did a little shopping. Not that we could afford any of it, but that's okay because we're on vacation.

It was a rocky, but wonderful and beautiful road. It was like the icecream. That Rascall Flatt's song and it just goes to prove that if you buy and bring the right food any trip can be fun. Below are some recipes to get you in the trip of your lifetime feelings.

RECIPES:
Pecan Almond Praline
2 cups of Brown Sugar
¾ cup of Heavy Cream
1 tablespoon of Butter
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Pecans
1 cup of Almonds
3 quarts of popped Popcorn

Combine the pecans, almonds, and popcorn .Set aside.

Combine the heavy cream, brown sugar, butter, and salt, cooking until the mixture reaches 240 degrees on a candy thermometer, about 20 minutes. Cool for 5 minutes, then stir the mixture until it coats a spoon.

Pour the syrup over the popcorn, stirring to coat popcorn evenly. Allow the popcorn to cool then break it into small pieces.

Spice Cookies
2 ½ cups of Flour
2 teaspoons of Baking Soda
¼ teaspoon of Ginger
½ teaspoon of Allspice
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
½ teaspoon of Cloves
¾ cup of Butter
1 Sugar
1 Egg
¼ cup of Molasses
¼ cup of Powdered Sugar

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Combine, the flour, baking soda, ginger, allspice, cinnamon, and cloves. Set aside.

Cream the butter and sugar until it is light and fluffy. Add the egg and molasses, mixing well. Add the flour mixture, beating until it is well blended. Refrigerate the dough until it is firm enough to roll into balls.

Roll the dough into 1 inch balls, then roll them in powdered sugar, and place them on a greased baking sheet. Flatten the cookies slightly with a glass that has been dipped in sugar. Bake for 8-10 minutes or until they are light brown.

Remove from the baking sheet to a wire rack and dust them with powdered sugar.

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Vegetables: The New Meat

11/17/2015

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An appetizing plate of Bacon AND Vegetables

I read fascinating article recently that discussed an interesting concept. Among high end restaurants there's been a trend to serve plant based main courses over meat based. Are we going to have a cultural shift that praise vegetables over meat?

Probably not anytime soon. My father doesn't consider it a meal if there isn't meat and the older generation will take this harder. And, men trying to hold onto this concept of masculinity won't like it either. However, this isn't the only article that's been written on the subject. The Washington Post published an article “Vegetables: Are They The New Bacon?” in 2014.

For this to work we would need a cultural shift that allows people to understand that vegetables can be a fulfilling meal by themselves. Starting at the top tier of restaurants is a good place to start. These chef's can experiment on customers who are willing to be experimented on. At some point the easily mass produced counterparts these restaurants make up will trickle down to us.

This concept of switching to a vegetable based diet, does not mean that we're going to be vegetarians (the horror).The article in Vogue raised the question of if we over praise meat and under praise vegetables and that this will just be making the ground even.

Equal rights for vegetables. .

Tamar Adler writes in the article “Taking Root” that “the meat industry emits more greenhouse gases than all forms of transport.” Other statistics are included other then the environmental strain the meat industry puts on us. There are also dietary concerns for meat eaters.

I could eat a plant based diet or at least one that heavily restricts meat. The only time I really eat meat is when I'm with parents or I go out. If I'm cooking for myself I rarely make meat. Essentially, I'm a vegetarian at heart.

Tamar Adler

There definitely needs to be a cultural shift. We don't eat enough vegetables and step one in changing that paradigm is to convince people that vegetables are worth eating. Chef Jose Andres told Tamar Adler that “we are eating almost opposite the amounts of fruit and vegetables and meat we're supposed to.”

A recurring argument made is the complexity of vegetables. Not all of us may enjoy a good asparagus or cauliflower, but there has to be something you like. Whatever it may be. Carrots. Peas? The all great potato that we mash and deep fry just to call it a French Fry?

I've included some recipes that do not have a single meat in them. I don't know if they'll convince you to give up that quarter pounder with cheese, but I think it's interesting change of pace. This concept of making vegetables the focus.

I'm surprised someone hasn't said that vegetables are ruining America.

RECIPES:
Asparagus Pie
1 Pie Shell
½ pound of Gruyere
2 tablespoons of Butter
10 ounces of Asparagus
3 Eggs
1 cup of Heavy Cream
Salt
Pepper
Nutmeg

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Place the pie shell in a prepared pie plate. Spread the gruyere cheese on the crust and top with asparagus.

Mix together the eggs, heavy cream, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Pour it over the asparagus and bake it for 25-30 minutes or until the custard is set.

Baked Vegetables
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
3 Onions
4 cloves of Garlic
3 cups of Tomatoes
3 Potatoes
3 Carrots
2 Bell Peppers
1 teaspoon of Salt
Pepper
1/8 teaspoon of Honey
½ cup of fresh Parsley

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Saute the onions in the olive oil until they are softened, 5-10 minutes. Add the garlic, stirring for 30 seconds.

Add the tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, bell peppers, parsley, salt, pepper, and honey, simmering for 15 minutes.

Pour it into a baking dish, cover, and bake for 1 hour.

Carmelized Onion & Red Pepper Penne
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
3 Onions
¾ teaspoons of Brown Sugar
2 Chicken Breasts
6 cloves of Garlic
2 tablespoons of Thyme
2 Red Bell Peppers
1/8 teaspoon of Red Pepper Flakes
2 teaspoons of Flour
2 cups of Vegetable Broth
½ of Parmesan Cheese
12 ounces of Penne
½ cup of Basil

Brown the onion and brown sugar in 1 tablespoon of the olive oil until the onion carmelizes, about 20-25 minutes. Stir in the red bell peppers, cooking until they are softened, about 5 minutes. Transfer the vegetables to a bowl.

Add a tablespoon of the olive oil to the skillet. Stir the garlic, thyme, and red pepper flakes, stirring until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the chicken, cooking until it is lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Transfer to the bowl with the vegetables.

Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to the skillet. Stir in the flour, mixing well. Whisk in the chicken broth, cooking until it has thickened.

Return the chicken and the vegetables to the skillet. Add the Parmesan cheese, and mix well. Add the penne and basil, stirring to mix.

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Condiment

7/28/2015

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What is a condiment other then a boring topic for a Tasty Tuesday?

According to the answer google has provided me, a condiment is “a substance that is used to add flavor to food.” That sounds overly generic. Does that mean that the paprika I have sitting in my cupboard is a condiment. I don't know if I would go that far. I'm all for equal rights of condiments being called condiments, but I don't know if I'm progressive enough to call paprika a condiment.

I have done some further research (that required me getting up from my bed) to pull out The American Heritage Dictionary and see what the official dictionary thinks of this condiment debacle. The definition they supplied me with was that it is a “a sauce, relish, or spice used to season food.”

I personally am offended that I might have to consider paprika a condiment. I need to find another source on this issue. I will take this to the President. I am in a national crisis.

Now let me tell you what I consider a condiment. It's that question you get asked at a fast food restaurant. “Do you want mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on your burger?”

All the white people want that mayonnaise. It's ingrained in white culture that we love mayonnaise. We put that in everything. I myself am partial to mayonnaise. Granted if I'm going to a fast food place. I'm getting plain burger. I don't trust fast food standards.

Mustard is what those adventurous people get. The ones that like to live on the wild side. I imagine that Rachel Dolezal had too much experience with mustard. I honestly don't know how white people handle mustard. I mean we think water is spicy and I was at this place that had spicy mustard on a hot dog and I honestly didn't know white people were ready for this.

Ketchup is for the truly strange individual. Who gets ketchup on their burger. Whenever, I'm asked this question I just don't understand. Mustard and mayonnaise are the only two reasonable answers. They are the two M's. They are the M and M.

Ketchup is for french fries and the occasional corn dog. Boomer absolutely hates ketchup. He hates most food products, but he has a special place of hatred for ketchup. I get it. It's tomatoes and sugar. But, what's better then tomatoes and sugar, then tomatoes and sugar together. Am I right?

Personally, I am not a fan of the ketchup and the french fry combination. I do reminisce occasionally, but usually I go for the ranch french fry combination. I don't know if that's just a really white thing to do, but knowing me it probably is.

I like that good buttermilk ranch. It's good for everything. Dipping the carrots. Forgetting your eating a salad. It's a magical invention.

I embrace the condiments as a sub section of the food genre. It makes life better. Where would we be without things to dip and top our food with. In a sad mystical place where dragons breathe fire and the wheel hasn't been invented. That's where.

RECIPES:
Honey Mustard Sauce
2/3 cup of Beef Broth
3 tablespoons of Butter
3 tablespoons of Flour
3 tablespoons of Dijon Mustard
3 tablespoons of Honey
1 teaspoon of Water
¼ teaspoon of Chili Powder

Melt the butter, then whisk in the flour to make a roux. Slowly whisk in 1/3 cup of the beef broth.

Stir in the Dijon mustard and honey, then the remaining beef broth, stirring until the sauce has thickened.

Add the water and chili powder

Serve warm. But, not too warm.

Ranch Dressing
1 cup of Mayonnaise
1/2 cup of Sour Cream
1/2 cup of Dried Chives
1/2 teaspoon of Dried Parsley
1/2 teaspoon of Dried Dill Weed
1/4 teaspoon of Garlic Powder
1/4 teaspoon of Onion Powder
1/8 teaspoon of Salt

In a large bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sour cream, chives, parsley, dill, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving.

Ketchup
1 28 Ounce Can of Tomatoes
1 Chopped Onion
4 Chopped Garlic Cloves
2 tablespoons of Vegetable Oil
1 Teaspoon of Chili Powder
1/2 teaspoon of Paprika
1/4 teaspoon of Cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of Ground Allspice
1 tablespoon of Tomato Paste
1/2 cup of packed Brown Sugar
1/2 cup of Cider Vinegar

Puree tomatoes with juice in a blender until smooth. Cook onion and garlic in oil with 1/4 teaspoon salt in a heavy saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until golden, about 8 minutes. Add spices and 1/2 teaspoon pepper and cook, stirring frequently, 1 minute. Add tomato purée, tomato paste, brown sugar, and vinegar and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until very thick, 45 to 55 minutes (stir more frequently toward end of cooking to prevent scorching).

Puree ketchup in blender until smooth . Chill at least 2 hours (for flavors to develop).

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Eat A Hamburger

6/15/2015

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I'm practically a vegetarian. It's not that I don't eat meat. It's that I don't make it for myself. If I am home alone, I am not cooking meat. I'm surprised I haven't died because of my lack of protein. Black and Sacajawea are both vegetarians and I honestly feel connected to them in that way. If it is just in spirit.

I had a cheeseburger recently when I went out with Joyce to see Pitch Perfect 2 (for the second time). It had bacon, Swiss cheese, the lettuce, the tomato, and sauerkraut. It was surprisingly amazing. Joyce got the same thing. I didn't know about this and when we were ordering I was like what the actual fuck.

I am not skilled at eating even though I've been doing it for 19 years. This burger went every which way, but it was glorious. I couldn't even get most of it in my mouth. Something I should file under things my boyfriend shouldn't know. Joyce did a decidedly better job and it made me hate her just a little bit.

This was my first experience with meat in weeks and it's only because I'd gone out in public. Legitimately after I finish writing this, I'm going to go to the kitchen. Wash up some carrots, steam them, and call it lunch. I don't eat meat.

Five days after this. It is the twins birthday. Obviously I had to celebrate with them. We all went out to this hamburger place in town. Somehow I ended up driving four people there. I don't know how that happened. Of course I was the life of the party. It was an eclectic group of people. They really were a lot of fun.

It hit me during this meal that I was eating yet another hamburger in the space of the week. This one was more manageable to fit into my mouth and for some reason it was on Texas toast. I wasn't complaining. Sacajawea actually loves this place, because they have vegetarian options for the patty. So, I actually could have continued my vegetarianism.

The biggest surprise of the night for me was their heterosexual male friend. The twins were like your going to like him. And, I was like doubtful. He actually was very nice. And, as the youngest person there he was the only one dating someone and it honestly made me a little upset. But, I'm not salty.

Actually the best thing that happened was when I spilled ketchup all over my jeans. It was definitely a fuck moment. Of course we went out after the burgers to get milkshakes at a totally unrelated place. I'm sure no one noticed the red outline on my black jeans.

This is where the other gay friend of the twins makes his entrance. Up to this point I had been the cutest boy there. I'm not going to compete with the hipster heterosexual. And, to be fair I was still the cutest gay boy there. He had on this shirt that had “Dunce” blazoned across it. It was like a jersey. It said “Dunce” and then the number 50. And, I just looked up what a dunce means and it says “a person who is slow at learning, a stupid person”. Well, boo you stupid for wearing that shirt.

There honestly wasn't anything that went right with this outfit. He also had on Tom's which by themselves are not a bad thing. But, he had on knee high socks with them. And, I've seen him before with ballet socks, so I'm like bitch. Then, he has on shorts. Also not the biggest problem. But, they're those tacky jeans cut off at the knee and they don't even make his ass look good. The entire moment was who let you walk out of the house this way.

Needless to say there's no animosity lost between the two of us. We're basically the epitome of best friends.

I say all of this to offer you the hamburger recipes I grew up with as a child. Enjoy. Embrace them. They are the Utonium family stronghold.

RECIPES:
All American Burgers
1 lb. Ground Beef
1 chopped Green Onion
1 minced clove of Garlic
1 tablespoon of Soy Sauce
½ tsp. Pepper
1 tablespoon of Worcestershire Sauce
¼ teaspoon of salt

Combine all ingredients; form into patties.

Grill

Beef & Tomato Burger
1 pound of Ground Beef
1 tablespoon of Sun-Dried Tomatoes
1 teaspoon of Lemon Zest
¼ cup of Mayonnaise
2 tablespoons of Fresh Basil
1 seeded and chopped Jalapeno
4 Onion Hamburger Buns
Fresh Spinach

Combine ground beef, tomatoes, and lemon zest. Shape into 4 patties. Grill until done.

To make the sauce, combine the mayonnaise and jalapeno pepper.

Town Burgers
1-2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
2 pounds of Ground Beef
1 teaspoon of Kosher Salt
½ teaspoon of Pepper
1 tablespoon of Butter
1 tablespoon of chopped Parsley
4 English Muffins
4 slices of Tomato

Form burgers, then season generously with salt and pepper on both sides. Wipe down skillet with olive oil before heating over medium-high heat. Char the burgers well on both sides, about 4 minutes per side. Just before the burgers are done, remove them to a wire rack to rest for 5 minutes.

Divide the butter evenly on each burger and sprinkle with a little parsley. While the burgers are resting, toast the English Muffins. Return the burgers to heat through. Place a burger on each muffin and top with a tomato slice.

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Home Alone

2/24/2015

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There are so many things you can do when you are home alone. I've come to realize that for as often as my parents leave me, I really don't get turnt up enough. Not even wild crazy parties. Like I haven't even gotten wasted just to do it when I was home alone.

That is probably exactly why they leave me alone, I don't do anything. Really what I do is spend the majority of my time cleaning and keeping the house up. Whenever the parents are home nothing stays clean and it's just annoying.

That is my wild and crazy thing I do. Clean the house. They come home it's spotless and I resort back to falling asleep and never doing anything.

The reason they left recently was because my dear old aunt was having some technical difficulties. She's eighty four and she is convinced that she can live all by herself, but during the winter she is a lot less convinced of that. She needed someone to come up and visit her and help her out.

I was back in school, so the parents sashayed away. It was a glorious week. You just need your parents to leave sometimes. They're existence is annoying. They constantly want you to spend time with them and tell them what's happening and you just don't want to tell them.

Real response is nothing is happening. I am existing and I would really appreciate you respecting my lack of importance in this world. When you do tell them things they give you advice that you don't want.

At the time they were both also on this diet. They were not fun people to be around. Eat you some carbs. Get some sugar. Something. It was a trial. My father also proceeded to tell me that it looked like I had put on some weight during this time frame.

Now I don't know if he was kidding, but I really don't think he was. I was eating the lack of food in the house and was starving trying to subsist while this diet happened. I lost three pounds. Don't come for me. What a rude bitch ass thing to say.

Before they left for the Aunt's house, I had them buy me groceries. Good real food and you better believe I lived for the next five days. They decided to come home early which was annoying as fuck. I had one more day without you. Stop.

These are the four recipes I made. They turned out questionably well. If your just one person, these meals allowed me to live for a day. I also really don't know what to say about the soup that is in here. I messed something up, because when I finished making it was more of a casserole then a soup. So, LOL be careful. I don't know what I'm doing.

If you are ever home alone with nothing to do you should experience the week in the life and times of Bubbles Utonium and hopefully do a much better job at cooking then I did.

RECIPES:
Creamy Orzo
1 pound of cooked Orzo
2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 chopped Green Onion
1 minced Clove of Garlic
14 ounces of drained and chopped Tomatoes
1 ¼ cup of Heavy Cream
1 cup of Peas
¾ cups of grated Parmesan Cheese
Salt
Pepper

Saute the green onion and garlic in the olive oil for two minutes. Add the chopped tomatoes, cooking for eight minutes.

Add the heavy cream and peas, stirring to mix.

Add the orzo, tossing to coat well. Remove the skillet from the heat and stir in the Parmesan cheese.

SIDE NOTE: My parents refused to buy any form of cheese. This was sans cheese. It was so healthy it hurt, but in a good way.

Mac & Cheese
12 ounces of cooked Egg Noodles
1 ½ cups of Milk
1 cup of Heavy Cream
2 teaspoons of Flour
½ teaspoon of Salt
¼ teaspoon of Pepper
2 cups of grated Fontina Cheese
¾ cups of grated Parmesan Cheese
¾ cups of grated Mozzarella Cheese
2 tablespoons of chopped fresh Parsley

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

Whisk the milk, heavy cream, flour, salt, and pepper, blending well. Stir in 1 cup of the fontina cheese, ½ cup of the Parmesan cheese, ½ cup of the mozzarella cheese, and parsley. Add the noodles, tossing to coat them well. Pour the mixture into a buttered baking dish.

Combine 1 cup of fontina cheese, ¼ cup of Parmesan cheese, and ¼ cup of mozzarella cheese, then sprinkle them over the noodles. Bake for 15 minutes or until the sauce bubbles and the cheese metls, and begins to brown.

Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

SIDE NOTE: I have had this recipe before and it's hella good. But, the cheese I had was colby jack and some mozzarella. It was still hella good, but not as hella good as it could have been.

Cream of Carrot Soup
4 chopped Green Onions
2 tablespoons of Butter
¼ teaspoon of sliced and steamed Carrots
¼ teaspoons of White Pepper
2 peeled, seeded, and chopped Cucumber
1 cup of Rice
1 ½ cup of Water
2 cups of Chicken Broth
½ teaspoon of Salt
1/3 cup of Heavy Cream
2 tablespoon of Chervil

Saute the green onions and white pepper in the butter until soft, but not browned, about 5 minutes. Add 1 cup of the chicken broth, cucumbers, and half of the carrots, bringing to a boil. Reduce the heat and cover, simmering for 20 minutes.

Puree the mixture, return it to the pan and add the remaining carrots, rice, and water, bringing to a boil. Reduce the heat and cover, simmering for another 40 minutes or until the rice is done.

Stir in 1 cup of chicken broth and bring the soup to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir in the heavy cream and simmer. Add the chervil.

SIDE NOTE: I do not know what I did wrong, but there was no moisture in this recipe when I made it. So, if you are a fuck up like me, check it while it's simmering so you don't burn the house down. Instead of a soup, I got a casserole. A CASSEROLE

Broccoli Wild Rice Casserole
2 tablespoons of Butter
2 tablespoons of minced Onions
2 tablespoons of Flour
½ teaspoon of Salt
1 cup of Milk
½ cup of Sour Cream
2 packages of cooked Uncle Ben's Wild Rice
6 sliced and steamed stalks of Broccoli
1 cup of grated Colby-Jack Cheese

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Saute the onions in the butter until they are softened. Add the flour, mixing well. Slowly whisk in the milk, stirring until the mixture thickens slightly.

Add the sour cream, stirring to combine. Remove from the heat and stir in the rice.

Layer half of the rice in a baking dish, then place the broccoli around the edges of the dish. Pour the remaining rice into the center of the broccoli edging.

Sprinkle the cheese over the rice. Bake, covered, for 20 minutes, then uncover, and bake for another 10 minutes, or until the cheese bubbles.

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Sour Rice

8/26/2014

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According to Uber Facts sushi means “sour rice”. I feel like whenever I'm quoting Uber Facts, I have to add the caveat according to... Uber Facts is just one of those shady things. This isn't run by the C.I.A. The librarian at the Smithsonian isn't running it, this is some random person who was like, I'm going to start a twitter and put out random, but interesting facts. You can't trust that. This is the definition of what your parents told you to beware of on the internet.

I have no doubt on your college English paper, it ranks right up there with Wikipedia on things you can't cite as sources. But, I was sitting there on twitter, listening to Rihanna as one does, trying to think of what to write for Tasty Tuesday, when this comes across my dashboard.

Recently, I took Miss Sara Bellum and her twin sister (I suppose we'll have to call The Mayor of Townsville) out to sushi. They had never been before, but it was a necessary trip out. They told me they had to try sushi with someone who wouldn't judge them before going off to college. Yes, just like Boomer these bitches are leaving me. We're not talking about it.

They are notoriously picky eaters. Not mind you as bad as Boomer, who I could never take out to get sushi. The last place I went someplace weird with Boomer, he ordered rice. Not rice with anything in it, he ordered white rice. I judged him and he proceeded not to give a fuck.

So, there I am looking hella good. It was a good hair day, I had on my newest pair of jeans, these tight gray spackled ones I'd bought at full price. I judge my life. They ask me what they should get.

I literally know this menu backwards and forwards. I go there almost every week with someone. I've had sushi at two or three other places, but no place is as good as this place. I take everyone here. A major problem. Buttercup did not like sushi until she went out with my mother and I to get sushi one Monday. I convinced her to change her verdict on sushi.

It was two, three weeks later when we went out again this time with Buttercup and Blossom. They both enjoyed it. Now whenever I'm in there, I just sense there's a possibility I could run into them, and it makes me regret showing it to them. I don't know why I'm worried about it, though, I'm sure we would exchange a glance and proceed to ignore one another. It's like suggesting I should avoid the mall because Blossom works there.

Not going to happen. If I need something, I'm going in, and I really do feel we're all mature enough to handle being in each others presence. The thought is always lingering in the back of my mind no matter how much I say it shouldn't be.

The Inner Me Eating Sushi

I've already decided I'm going to try a new sushi roll, Rock and Roll and a bowl of clear soup. The twins say to me what should we get.

I suggest the Shrimp Tempura Roll, The Caterpillar, and the California Roll. They ignore the California Roll, and go for the Spicy Shrimp Roll. I say do what you want.

We get our sushi and I thoroughly underestimated how large the Rock and Roll was going to be. The twins on the other hand are close to unwilling to actually eat the sushi. They weren't even sure how to split the chopsticks apart or how to hold them. I kept forgetting how far out of their comfort zone this is.

The Shrimp Tempura Roll goes over well. Especially dipped in the soy sauce. Of course that's a safe beginners roll. Fried shrimp, rice. It should pass down well.

They, then move onto the Spicy Shrimp Roll. Miss Sara Bellum picks it up and swallows it. The Mayor on the other hand takes out the middle, so she can try it. I would have been so embarrassed if one of the sushi chefs saw us eating this way. Of course they saw the dirty dishes. I'm sure they knew.

I meanwhile am having my own problems. I can not get the Rock and Roll in my mouth. My mouth does not open that big. I am a small pieces kind of person. I am not a swallower that is what I have learned from this. During this process I spill soy sauce on my new jeans. Everyone claims they can't see the stain. Every time I put them on, I know exactly where it is. I think it's a conspiracy. I'm continuing to wear them.

At this point in our lunch. They are now approaching the Caterpillar roll. They do not know how to get this in their mouths either, so I motion to our waitress and ask her if we can get some flatware.

Did, I mention that I am a regular at this place. They know who I am and they know I got flatware. It was so embarrassing, but you don't understand. I needed a fork.

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But, even after we get the fork, the twins are looking at this sushi side eyed. It's incredibly pretty, but if you didn't know what it was, I can see why it was intimidating. There's nothing scary about it, though, not in regards to sushi anyway. According to their take out menu, I took specifically so I could write this article, it contains fried shrimp, avocado, eel sauce, and sweet roe.

They tell me I need to take one. Employing my chopstick skills I reach over and take one. It is as good as I remember. Slowly, Miss Sara Bellum goads herself into trying it. She says everything is good except for the avocado. I know they don't like avocado, but it should not have been a deal breaker. They proceed to take the avocado off the rest of the Caterpillar roll before finishing it.

We pay our bill. Go get ice cream, although I got a smoothie (and was hard core judged for it), before going to visit their mother at the Orthodontist she works at. I had braces and I walk into this place, and I realize that my parents have done me wrong. This office was glorious. They did not do enough research when getting me brace faced. If only I could go back. The inside of this place was essentially a European chateau parading around as a spa. What the hell parents. What the hell.

What I learned from this day is that my parents are terrible people. What the twins learned is sushi is really not their thing. But, that if they have to get it out go for the basic sushi. Anything with “tempura” in the title should be basic enough.

Now, I hope you didn't think I was going to instruct you on how to make sushi, because I have no such skill. The Japanese always make things so complicated. Once, you've put in thirty years, we might considered making you a beginner samurai. No, sir. So, instead here are some tried and true tested recipes of the Asian-ish origins.

Recipes:

Brown Rice and Vegetables
½ cups of Brown Rice (cooked)
1 cup of Pea Pods
½ cups of Carrots (sliced)
4 Green Onions (sliced)
1 Green Bell Pepper (diced)
1 Clove of Garlic (Minced)
1 cup of Mushrooms (sliced)
1 tablespoon of Soy Sauce
Canola Oil

Saute the carrots in the canola oil for 2 minutes. Add the green onions, green bell pepper, and garlic, stirring for 2 minutes more. Add more canola oil if necessary.

Add the mushrooms, pea pods, and rice, cooking for 2-3 minutes. Stir in the soy sauce.

Sweet Rice Pilaf
1 cup of Rice
2 tablespoons of Butter
3 tablespoons of Honey
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1 teaspoon of Salt
2 ½ quarts of Boiling Water

Combine all ingredients, cooking until the water has been absorbed.

Chinese Sticky Rice
2 cups of Jasmine Rice
2/3 teaspoons of Salt

Rinse the rice many times until the water is clear.

Pour the rice into a saucepan, covering it with water up to the first joint of your index finger. Add the salt and bring the rice to a boil. Reduce the temperature, and simmer, until the water has been absorbed. Cover, and remove the pan from the heat, letting it sit for 15-20 minutes. (Do not remove the lid prior to that time)

Orange Rice
¼ cup of Butter
2/3 cup of Celery with leaves
2 tablespoons of Onions (minced)
1 ½ cup of Water
2 tablespoon of Orange Zest
1 cup of Orange Juice
1 teaspoon of Salt
1/8 teaspoon of Thyme Leaves
1 ½ cups of Rice (cooked)

Saute the celery and onion in the butter until it is tender, but not browned. Add the water, orange zest, orange juice, salt, and thyme leaves. Bring the mixture to a boil, add the rice, cover, and let stand for 18 minutes.

Strawberry Orange Smoothie
2 cups of Strawberries
½ cup of Orange Juice
1 cup of Milk
1 cup of Plain Yogurt
1 cup of Ice Cubes

Blend all ingredients.

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