Category: Condensed

(Drank) Eggnog

12/22/2015

Day 9 of the 12 Days of Bubbles is upon us!

Another Tasty Tuesday only one week after the last train wreck and without a party to plan or an old friend to reminisce on, I had to stumble upon a creative idea of my own. Which, is something that does not come easily to me. Cut and paste I can do, but to be original and creative without genius to base it off. It's difficult.

However, it was as I was stumbling through the grocery aisles of my suburban Costco that it came upon me. In it's plastic jugs I saw the flashing Christmas lights. Eggnog.

As a child, Eggnog was the quintessential Christmas drink. I drank so much of it I would have been an alcoholic if my family put whiskey in it. I have met quite a few people who do not appreciate eggnog, but there is nothing that lives up to it. Thick. Creamy. Seasonal.

It's more calories then liquid. In December you have two options. Eat with abandon and set yourself a New Year's Resolution you won't keep OR get so drunk off of spiked eggnog that you throw up.

Embrace your inner frat boy during the holiday season.

Upon doing some quick internet research I found that eggnog is a traditional drink in America and Canada, but that it originated in England. I don't know that were supposed to be surprised by that. Early aristocrats mixed it with brandy or sherry. Which, sounds far more posh then what we the dirty Americans do with it.

I also found out that there are recipes for eggnog without the egg. This does seem counter intuitive to me. As you will see from the recipes I've included, they all have eggs. Egg is literally half of eggnog. Without the egg it's just... nog.

Sure people have allergies. Sure there have been salmonella outbreaks in eggs, but the risk of potential food poisoning and death is just part of coming out to have a good time.

As the biggest fan there is of this drink. All the recipes included here have been made and procured by me. Be surprised and amazed. That is how much I love the eggnog. I will cut open a vanilla bean and heat a liquid mixture to a nice boil to froth myself up for the winter.

I also don't have to go out in public among the commoners if I can make it at home. There are perks to being industrious.

As of recent years, I have had to cutback on my intake. This blog is home of the “blonde, skinny, queen of the internet.” Sometimes, you've got to cut back to retain brand recognition.

If for some reason these drinks seem too complicated, store bought is fine.

RECIPES:
Chocolate Egg Nog
14 ounces of Sweetened Condensed Milk
3 Eggs
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
1 cup of Heavy Cream
2 tablespoons of Chocolate Syrup
¼ teaspoon of Almond Extract

Using a blender, combine all ingredients. Refrigerate for 1 hour before serving.

Egg Nog
2 cups of Milk
2 cups of Heavy Cream
1 cup of Sugar
1 Vanilla Bean
10 Egg Yolks
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
¼ teaspoon of Nutmeg

Heat in milk, heavy cream, ½ cup of the sugar, vanilla bean seeds, and vanilla extract until the mixture is hot.

Meanwhile, beat the egg yolks with remaining ½ cup of sugar until it is frothy. While whisking, slowly pour in the milk mixture ½ cup at a time, beating well after each addition.

Pour the mixture back into the pan and heat, while whisking until it has thickened slightly. Remove it from the heat and add the cinnamon and nutmeg.

Egg Nog Shake
1 cup of Vanilla Ice Cream
3/8 cup of Egg Nog
1 dash of Nutmeg

Using a blender combine all ingredients and mix until blended well.

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The Christmas 15

12/15/2015

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Day 2 of the 12 Days of Bubbles continues.

Some people say that there's the freshman 15. I believe the holiday's hold their own vice. The Christmas 15. I personally blame Santa Claus for this.

What really are the holidays built for? Spending time with “family” and “friends”. Like no I went away for college so I didn't have to spend time with you fake ass bitches. So, here I am shoving cookies in my mouth gaining fifteen pounds and crying.

Last holiday cycle I got incredibly sick after exam week and spent most of my time on the couch or in bed with a box of tissues and a plate of cookies. Cardamon, sugar, chocolate chips. The works. These did not help me get better. I would have rather overdosed on Vitamin C.

Christmas cookies truly are part of the season. If you throw a holiday party and you don't have cookies, it's as if you haven't really celebrated.

Part of this should be shifted on Santa Claus. He breaks into our houses. Leaves a sweater that's two sizes two small for us and then expects us to BAKE HIM COOKIES. I don't think so Santa. I'm sure the reason he expects us to make him baked goods is because Mrs. Claus has him on a diet and he rebels every Christmas Eve.

Personally, I am offended by Santa Claus and his outrageous standards that he forces upon us. What about the poor children whose parents can't afford cookies. This is a classist system Santa Claus has put us under. He is discriminating against the impoverished children of the world.

I must let you know that last year when I hosted a Christmas party I did bake cookies. I even wrote a Tasty Tuesday on it. Clever as I am I entitled it “Rocking Near The Christmas Tree” (read here). It was a lot of effort. I hosted it the final day of exam week. I was running last years 12 Days of Bubbles that requires more time commitments then normal. It was a mess.

I won't be hosting another gathering of friends this year. It's a commitment of time and energy. I'll make an effort to see the twins. Boomer. The really important people in my life, but having people over is an emotionally draining experience that I am just not about.

There was even a What's Happening Wednesday post on my reflection on it. I posted it in January. That's how nonexistent my life is that I had to write about a past experience. You can read about that if you want to (read here). Of course I could have written about the funeral I went to.

All of this said mama is going to give you recipes on some bomb ass cookies. If you want to host the party of 2015. Let Bubbles be there for you. Let me help you succeed in this capitalist society.

The cookies presented on this list are all winners or they very least they sound good. I think I did a great job on this. Especially considering my propensity for Tasty Tuesday's.

Pro Tip: Go to other people's parties. Drink their alcohol. Eat their food.

RECIPES:
Festive Oatmeal Cookies
1 ½ cups of Flour
1 teaspoon of Baking Soada
½ teaspoon of Baking Powder
½ teaspoon of Salt
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon of Cloves
1 cup of Butter
1 cup of Brown Sugar
1 Egg
1 ½ teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
2 cups of Oat
½ cup of Golden Raisins
½ cup of White Chocolate Chips

Make sure to preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Combine the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and cloves. Set aside.

Cream the butter and sugar until it is light and fluffy. Add the egg and vanilla extract, mixing well. Add the flour mixture, beating until it is well blended.

Stir in the oats, raisins, and white chocolate chips. Drop by the teaspoonful onto a parchment lined baking sheet, baking for 13-15 minutes until golden brown.

Hershey's Kiss Cookies
1 cup of Butter
3 ounces of Cream Cheese
1 cup of Sugar
1 Egg Yolk
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extracct
2 ½ cup of Flour
½ package of Hershey Kisses

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Cream the butter, cream cheese, and sugar until it is light and fluffy. Add the egg yolk, and almond extract, beating until it is well blended.

Add the flour, mixing well. Refrigerate the dough until it is firm enough to roll into balls.

Roll the dough into 1 inch balls, then roll them in sugar, and place them on a greased baking sheet. Flatten the cookies slightly with a glass that has been dipped in sugar. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until they are light brown.

Remove the cookies to a wire rack, immediately placing a Hershey kiss into each one.

Millionaire Shortbread
1 ½ cup of Butter
2 ¾ cup of Flour
½ cup of Sugar
14 ounces of Sweetened Condensed Milk
¼ cup of Light Corn Syrup
1 cup of Brown Sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Using a food processor, pulse together 1 cup of the butter, flour, and sugar until it is crumbly. Press the mixture into a prepared baking pan and bake for 18 minutes or until is is lightly golden.

Meanwhile, combine the remaining ½ cup of butter, sweetened condensed milk, and light corn syrup, heating until the butter has melted. Turn the heat to low, add the brown sugar, and cook, stirring constantly until it begins to thicken. Pour the caramel evenly over the shortbread and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

Pecan Cookies
1 ½ cups of Flour
½ teaspoon of Baking Soda
½ teaspoon of Baking Powder
1 cup of Butter
1 cup of Brown Sugar
1 cup of Sugar
2 Eggs
1/3 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1/3 teaspoon of Butter Extract
1/3 teaspoon of Nut Extract
2 cups of Oat
1 ½ cup of Crispy Cereal
1 cup of chopped Pecans

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Combine the flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Set aside.

Cream the butter, molasses, brown sugar, and sugar until it is light and fluffy. Add the eggs, vanilla extract, butter extract, and nut extract, mixing well. Add the flour mixture, beating until it is well blended.

Stir in the oats, crispy cereal, and pecans, mixing well. Shape the dough into rolls, and refrigerate for 2 hours. Slice the dough into ¼ inch slices, and place them on a lightly greased baking sheet. Bake for 12-14 minutes or until they are light brown.

Remove the cookies to wire racks to cool.

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Eating With The Family

11/19/2014

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I can't be the only one who dreads family events. You get a lot of repeat questions. How are your grades? Are you doing well in school? Why aren't you dating someone?

Maybe I don't need a 'special' someone in my life, and I'm content being alone. And, as if I'm going to tell you about how I'm really doing in school. It consists of stress and crying. I don't need a lecture from you. In the end family can be a hassle. Sexist, homophobic, racist. They wonder why I don't talk to them.

These people don't even know I blog. That would create so many problems. Actually it probably wouldn't. They would never bother to read it. My cousin, Jamie writes all the time. Fiction and the works and no one reads it except for me. I think it's fantastic, but no one seems to care. It's probably why we're so close. I'm the only one who thinks she's talented and love what she writes.

I'm practically her target audience now, which I am fine with. I just can't fathom, why her parents have so little interest in it. But, they don't. I don't know. It's strange to me.

However, for the first time in weeks. You will have recipes I have made or more accurately witnessed made. I'm not really allowed in the kitchen on Thanksgiving. I know how to cook. I have some skill. But, no, I am not allowed in.

Usually I end up eating a box of Entemann's donuts until two o'clock when we have dinner. Is my family the only one who has Thanksgiving at two o'clock and calls it dinner. Do other people eat at a normal dinner time or is this is a normal practice. I don't understand.

Needless to say I am not allowed in the kitchen. All I really do is help with fruit salad. The menial labor, slicing the grapes, chopping up the green apples. Nothing that could actually hurt anything.

Really the only thing I do for Thanksgiving is set the table, then I'm asked why I used the good dishes. Family I don't know. Maybe, because this shouldn't sit in the hutch all day and I was bored. I have no answer for you. I'm sorry.

Sometime in the day we usually end up playing card games. Euker mostly. That's one my family really gets into. It's interesting. Some of the men watch football (I gag thinking about it), we played Pictionary one time. Where I was informed that I was too competitive. I was not that competitive. I just wanted to win, and I was willing to do anything it took to win. So, maybe they were right.

I admit it. I don't know I always get so competitive when it comes to Pictionary. When Thunder and I played once it was half way through the game. We both said we didn't care if we won. When we sensed victory. That changed. We lost.

It was a horrible day.

Most of my Thanksgiving's are spent with my mother's side of my family. I'm not even sure what my father's side does. I've been told my grandfather goes hunting. I don't think they really do anything on Thanksgiving. I don't know which side is better.

Have a good Thanksgiving this week. Don't burn anything. Remember I am here. You always have my recipes as back up. Also keep in mind that your family loves you and no matter how annoying they are. They really do just want what's best for you. Even, if they don't. It's only one day. You got this.

RECIPES:

Fruit Salad
5 peeled and diced Granny Smith Apples
1 lb of halved Red Grapes
2 cups of miniature Marshmallows
½ cup of Maraschino Cherry Juice
3 diced Bananas
1 jar of halved Maraschino Cherries
½ cup of Mayonnaise

Whisk together the mayonnaise and maraschino cherry juice, tasting to ensure sweetness (Add more cherry juice if necessary, if necessary) Set aside.

Combine the fruit and marshmallows, mixing gently. Add the mayonnaise mixture, mixing to cover all the fruit.

Stuffing
2 loaves of cubed White Bread
3 sticks of Butter
½ cup of chopped Onion
3 tablespoons of Parsley
2 teaspoons of Salt
2 ½ teaspoons of Sage
Dash of Pepper
12 ounces of Craisins
1 pound of Sausage
2 cans of Chicken Broth

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Brown the sausage and onion. Add the parsley, salt, sage, and pepper, stirring to mix well.

Combine the sausage mixture with the bread cubes, melted butter, and craisins, tossing lightly. Add the chicken broth to moisten well. Pour the stuffing into a well greased baking dish and bake for 50 minutes.

French Apple Tart (Otherwise Known as Apple Pie)
4 peeled and thinly sliced Apples
1 Lemon
2 tablespoons of Butter
¼ cup of Sugar
2 Eggs
2 Egg Yolks
2 tablespoons of Flour
½ cup of Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1 teaspoons of Cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Butter the tart dish, then sprinkle it with 2 tablespoons of the sugar, coating it evenly. Set aside.

Sprinkle the lemon juice over the apple slices, then place them in the tart dish, and sprinkle with the remaining sugar. Set aside.

Combine the eggs, egg yolks, flour, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. Carefully pour the mixture over the apples, baking on the middle rack for 40-55 minutes or until the apples are tender.

Move the pie plate to the lower rack and continue baking for another 15 minutes (If the apples begin to brown, cover them with foil)

When the pie is cool, run a knife around the edges of the pie to loosen the sides, turn it into a serving plate.

Serve with whipped cream.

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We Oughta Be Drinking

10/8/2014

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I have mislead you. There will be no alcoholic recipes in this Tasty Tuesday. There is an eggnog recipe at the end, but that doesn't really count. I've never had eggnog with alcohol in it. I know that's how must people guzzle it, but that is not how I run my life.

The title of this article came from a song off of Sheryl Crow's last studio set Feels Like Home. I was not feeling witty or inspired to come up with a unique original tour de force, so I said why not steal the title of one of her songs for this article.

There is absolutely no reason you should know this, but Sheryl Crow did a cookbook. And, by Sheryl Crow did a cookbook I mean her personal chef wrote a cookbook and Sheryl Crow put her name on it. The cookbook is really cool it has little anecdote's about the recipes. You know Sheryl Crow had breast cancer a few years ago.

That's what this cookbook came from. It's all health food. I have adapted the recipes for you. There will be no margarine. That is not how I roll. I honestly cannot believe that Sheryl Crow lives in Nashville and she decided that it was acceptable to use margarine. Do they even sell margarine in the south. I just do not know what happened.

Sheryl Crow is probably one of the strangest obsessions I have. I love this woman. I own all her records. She was my first concert. Sheryl Crow is everything to me. I hated Lance Armstrong long before everyone else, because he broke her heart. Honestly, I don't even know why we knew his name. He rode a bike really fast. We are Americans. We care about: football, basketball, and baseball. Sure some people watch golf. Tennis is sort of a thing. But, those are our three main sports. That is what we as Americans support. So, why did we ever care about Lance Armstrong is beyond me.

I just know he treated her wrong. And, I already kind of hate men. That is such a blanket statement I don't mean, but whenever a man does something stupid, I'm just like men. You just need to listen to her song “Diamond Ring”. There is pain and sorrow.

It is also sung horribly, but that is Sheryl Crow's trademark. “Leaving Las Vegas”, “Strong Enough”, “Can't Cry Anymore”. When I saw her live it was funny to hear her throw her voice. She would go from singing well to whatever it is she does.

Buy "Can't Cry Anymore"

If you like her music go see her. She is not a huge production kind of gal. You will not see back up dancers and hip gyration. She's just a girl with her guitar kind of singer. Her stories are funny. Before some of the songs she would tell us the story behind it and it was just fascinating. The last song she sang when I saw her was “I Shall Believe” and I was like I shall believe you will sing another song.

She did not.

This concert was when she was promoting 100 Miles From Memphis. A great album. I love it. It's got this great motown inspired throwback. It's really great. Didn't sell very well. Granted, I don't think she gives a fuck. Sheryl Crow is over it. The woman is a nineties rocker making a motown record. The woman is beyond caring if it's commercially viable. She made it because she likes it.

What's funny is that Justin Timberlake ran into her when she was recording the album and he offered to do the backing vocals for her. Further proof that the boy can sing and that we should all love him. You need to listen to “Sign Your Name”. The two of them together are so much more compatible then you ever thought.

Buy "Sign Your Name"

I might have to take back what I said about her not caring about making a commercially viable record. Sheryl Crow can still sell she just needs her music on the radio. And, her last album Feels Like Home was being aimed at the country market.

She still didn't really get a hit, though. The lead single “Easy” is straight up, classic Sheryl Crow. It's perfect. But, it didn't chart top. Despite the fact that it was a radio worthy single, Sheryl Crow has proven herself to be viable in the country market (remember “Picture” with Kid Rock), and even though she has always been a rock singer. Sheryl Crow has always thrown in a little country to her music. So, she should have no problems with country radio.

Buy "Easy"

Buy "Picture"

And, yet here we are in 2014 and she hasn't had a radio hit yet. Not even follow up single “Callin' Me When I'm Lonely” that wasn't even written by her. This song was heralded by famous country hit makers. It still couldn't make a dent.

Buy "Callin' Me when I'm Lonely"

This is probably why I don't listen to country music. It's a little bit misogynistic. It's a little bit racist. And it's a little bit sexist.

I am not crazy. I want you to name one country singer who isn't white. I can name one off the top of my head. Mind you I am not a country buff. If there are other relevant singers besides Darius Rucker let me know.

As far as women go. I can name four popular female country singers right now. I am not talking about the greats: Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton, LeAnn Rimes, Martina McBride, Reba. This is about current famous female country singers. I'm thinking Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Kacey Musgraves, and we might as well include Taylor Swift. Because, even if this girl released a death metal album in Japanese we would still call her a country artist.

If you have even bothered to listen to country radio recently. I think you can understand where the misogyny is coming from.

That being said. I think it's a good move for Sheryl Crow if she can ever get her songs on the radio. I'm just worried that it isn't possible anymore.

Below are some of the recipes mother cooked and Bubble eated that we liked.

RECIPES:

Pecan Trusted Trout
1/4 cup of Flour
1 teaspoon of Lemon Pepper seasoning
1/2 teaspoon of Garlic Powder
1 Egg
1 1/2 tablespoon of milk
1 cup of chopped Pecans
4 skin on Trout Fillets (4 to 5 ounces)
2 tablespoons of Canola Oil

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees

In a shallow dish whisk together the four, seasoning and garlic powder. IN a second dish, whisk together the egg and milk. Put the pecans in a third dish or plate.

Coat the side of a fillet without the skin with the flour and then with the egg wash. Press it gently into the pecans to coat thoroughly. Repeat with the remaining trout fillets, so that all 4 are coated on the side without skin.

In a large skillet, heat the canola oil over medium-high heat and when hot, sear the trout, skin side up, for 2 minutes. Turn the fish fillets gently with a spatula and sear the skin side for 2 minutes longer. Transfer the fillets to a lightly oiled baking sheet or shallow pan and bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until cooked through.

Cross Creak Cream (Eggnog)
One 14 ounce can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 cup of Heavy Cream
3 Eggs
2 1/2 tablespoons of Chocolate Syrup
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
1/2 teaspoon of Almond Extract

In a blender mix the condensed milk and cream*. Add the beaten eggs and blend until well mixed. Add the chocolate syrup, vanilla, and almond extract and blend for about 1 minute.

Pour mixture into a large picture, cover and chill for at least 1 hour and up to 2 days. When thoroughly chilled, pour into glasses and serve.

*If you would like to make it alcoholic add 2 1/2 cups of Bourbon at this point.

Curried Couscous
2 cups of Couscous
1/2 teaspoon of Salt
1 1/2 cups of thinly sliced Spinach
1 1/2 cups of thinly sliced Red Cabbage
1 cup of canned Chickpeas (drained and rinsed)
1/2 cup of Dried Cranberries
1/3 cup of sliced and toasted Almonds
2 tablespoons of chopped Cilantro
3 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 tablespoons of Lemon Juice
Salt
1 tablespoon of Yellow Curry Powder

Put the couscous in a large glass or ceramic bowl and pour 3 cups of boiling water over it. Add the salt and stir to mix. Cover and let the couscous soak for at least 15 minutes and no longer than 20 minutes. Fluff the couscous with a fork.

Add the spinach, cabbage, chickpeas, cranberries, almonds, and cilantro and toss thoroughly. Dress with the olive oil and lemon juice and season to taste with salt and pepper. Toss again thoroughly.

Add 1 tablespoon of curry powder and toss again. Taste and add more curry if needed. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Apple-Cranberry Crisp with Vanilla-Almond Granola
5 peeled, cored and thinly sliced Apples
1/3 cup of Dried Cranberries
1/3 cup of Butter
1/2 cup of Brown Sugar
1/2 cup of Flour
1/2 cup of plain Granola
1/4 cup of roasted Almonds
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
3/4 teaspoon of ground Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon of Salt
Vanilla Ice Cream

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease and 8x8 baking pan.

Spread the apple slices and cranberries in the pan in an even layer.

In a separate bowl, using your fingers and a fork or wooden spoon, mix together the butter, sugar, flour, granola, almonds, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt. The mixture will be crumbly, not smooth. Spoon the mixture over the fruit, spreading it so that it covers the fruit evenly.

Bake the crisp for about 30 minutes or until the top is golden brown and the apples are tender and bubbling.

Serve the crisp warm or at room temperature, with ice cream.

ALL RECIPES FROM the cookbook If It Makes You Healthy by Sheryl Crow and Chuck White with Mary Goodbody.

Buy If It Makes You Healthy

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(Drank) Eggnog

The Christmas 15

Eating With The Family

We Oughta Be Drinking

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