Fried Green Gritz

​There’s nothing that says White People™ like country cooking and incest. That might be the Paula Deen influence on my life. If there isn’t a stick of butter in it, is it even food? I think the answer your looking for is “no”.

Good down home cooking is just part of classic Americana. It’s flapjacks in the morning and mama’s homemade apple pie on Sunday night with a tub of Blue Bell vanilla ice cream.  

​Recently I’ve been inspired to cook this way and to live my life in the true tradition of artery clogging.  

​For Mother’s Day I spent the morning at a hole in the wall breakfast place. It reminds me of a truck stop with cheap prices and good food. I got that sausage gravy and biscuits and I let the good Lord soak it all up. It reminds me of my grandmother. The only good thing about the woman is her sausage gravy.

Fried Green Tomatoes I also feel is a very country thing to eat. It’s a fantastic sob fest and a wonderful snack to eat with a side of  ranch.  

​It might be the influence of country radio that’s been having me in a country-fried steak and mashed potatoes kind of mood. My personal favorite at the moment is Maren Morris’s “My Church”.  

​Country music is all about that sweet tea and twangs and fucking big green tractors. I live for all of it. You sip your lemonade and you swing on your front porch and you sing about your big 4x4 and all the wood it can haul. I just find it all to be very appealing and hetenormative.  

​Down home cooking also gives you the feeling of care. You know that someone truly took the time out of their day to provide for you, because they care. They might think you dress funny and that you might need to lose a little weight, but the point is that they care.

​Cracker Barrel builds it’s entire brand off the concept of down home country cooking. You can even buy an “I’m A Republican” sign in their gift shop.

You know I know someone who’s a waitress at Cracker Barrel. She’s a bitch, but I love her. I also know a drug dealer who’s a host their. He sells baggies full of aderol at your local college. He’s practically doing a public service.

​I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m embracing a side of real life that I normally exchange for botox and fillers.

Below are some hand picked recipes that just screamed “old fashioned” and “down home and dirty”.

​RECIPES:
Country Fried Steak
2 pounds of Beef Cube Steak
1 teaspoon of Salt
½ teaspoon of Pepper
1 teaspoon of Baking Powder
1 teaspoon of Paprika
1 cup of Flour
1 cup of Buttermilk
1 Egg
1 Onion
10 ounces of Beef Broth
¼ cup of Canola Oil
½ cup of Milk

Combine the flour, salt, cayenne pepper, pepper, paprika, and baking powder. Set aside.

Whisk together the buttermilk and egg. Set aside.

Coat the cubed steak with the seasoning mixture, dip it in the buttermilk mixture, then coat it again in the seasoning mixture, and fry in the canola oil until it is crispy and dark brown on both sides, about 3 minutes per side.

Reduce the temperature to low, spread the onions over the steak, and pour in the beef broth. Cook, covered, for 45 minutes.

Combine the milk with 2 tablespoons of the flour mixture, whisking until it is well blended. Whisk it into the beef broth, and stir until the gravy has thickened.

​Mashed Potatoes
4 Potatoes
4 tablespoons of Butter
¼ cup of Heavy Cream
4 tablespoons of Cream Cheese
½ teaspoon of Salt

Drain the potatoes well, then add the butter, heavy cream, cream cheese, and salt, mashing until well mixed, and the desired consistency.

Sweet Apple Bacon
1 pound of Bacon
2 tablespoons of Brown Sugar
¼ cup of Apple Butter

Preheat the oven to 350°.

Arrange the bacon on a foil-lined baking sheet, and bake it for 20-30 minutes, or until it is crisp.

Brush the bacon with apple butter, and then sprinkle it with brown sugar. Bake for another 5-10 minutes.