Category: Blog

Macho

6/20/2017

Not since The Devil Wears Prada has there been a romantic-comedy that captures the FUN of the fashion industry. Macho is a Mexican film concerning about a closeted heterosexual designer who uses his flamboyant ways to peddle his craft, until he has to get a boyfriend to prove just how gay he is.

The script plays with homophobia in a light hearted way that's only occasionally a little hard to handle. It's surprisingly sweet. Miguel Rodarte plays lead the philandering man whore, Cecilia Suarez is his beautiful competent partner who picks his fake boyfriend from the homosexuals in the office. Renato Lopez is young enough to still have his dimples and a machine gun from his late husband.

Macho for all of it's posturing delivers laughs. You'll have to turn your subtitles on, but it's worth it. There's drama, flair, and a fake Karl Lagerfield. Most importantly where gays in the cinema end up broken hearted or dead, there's not a dead unhappy gay to report! Macho has my seal of approval.

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American Idol... Returns?

6/6/2017

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American Idol host, Ryan Seacrest is also in talks to return for the 2018 season of American Idol. In comparison to Katy Perry, the mainstay from the previous seasons is only being offered $10 Million US Dollars for his services

American Idol has only been off the air since last year. The juggernaut saw it's commercial peak wane after Paula and Simon called it quits, and although the forebarer to The Voice, in the words of Nelly Furtado, “all good things must come to an end.” A-List stars Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, and Nicki Minaj couldn't save the show.

Scream Queens got canceled, but somehow American Idol got picked up by ABC- switching networks from Fox- for the 2018 season. You've got a solid 6+ months to get ready to decide if your going to binge this rework. With the reemergence of Will & Grace, Roseanne, Full House, and The Gilmore Girls, to name only a few it's questionable if this brand is heading for a comeback too soon.

So, far all we know is that Katy Perry is on the judging panel for a cool $25 million dollars. ABC is banking on Katy Perry having personality, but global superstars aren't going to give it to the people auditioning good like we want. We need a Simon Cowell. A Natalia Kills to say “as someone who respects creative integrity and intellectual property... I'm disgusted!” Jennifer Lopez was sweet. Same with Britney. We need a little edge and Katy Perry can only kiss a girl so many times for ratings.

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Scream Queens... CANCELED

5/30/2017

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Emma Roberts portrayed the matriarch of the Chanel's, Chanel Oberlin or Chanel #1 obvi

I'm sorry for lying to all (two) of you. My dedicated readers. At the close of the second season of Scream Queens I reported that I was almost positive that the show would be renewed for a third season (read here). I was wrong. I made too many assumptions. The first being that Ryan Murphy cares about my feelings.

I was visibly distraught when I heard the news that the horror / comedy series was canceled. I had (mistakenly) assumed that since the show had been left on a cliff hanger, then the shows front runners believe it would be renewed for another go round. This after all isn't the trio's first work on Fox with smash hit Glee in their canon.

Now that Scream Queens is canceled I don't have anything to live for, but that's okay. It's fine. It's just so unfair. They can bring American Idol back and Roseanne and Will & Grace, but throw away the best thing on TV? I'm disappointed, but resilient. Also, for all of those worried over the fate of Chanel #1, remember that the Red Devil Killer was the mascot for her college in season 1. Should we be alarmed? Absolutely not. Last time it was Chad, this time it's probably Dean Munsch. Either way I'll be waiting for the asp I ordered off of E-Bay to kill me, so I don't have to suffer in a world without Scream Queens.

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(Drank) Eggnog

12/22/2015

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Day 9 of the 12 Days of Bubbles is upon us!

Another Tasty Tuesday only one week after the last train wreck and without a party to plan or an old friend to reminisce on, I had to stumble upon a creative idea of my own. Which, is something that does not come easily to me. Cut and paste I can do, but to be original and creative without genius to base it off. It's difficult.

However, it was as I was stumbling through the grocery aisles of my suburban Costco that it came upon me. In it's plastic jugs I saw the flashing Christmas lights. Eggnog.

As a child, Eggnog was the quintessential Christmas drink. I drank so much of it I would have been an alcoholic if my family put whiskey in it. I have met quite a few people who do not appreciate eggnog, but there is nothing that lives up to it. Thick. Creamy. Seasonal.

It's more calories then liquid. In December you have two options. Eat with abandon and set yourself a New Year's Resolution you won't keep OR get so drunk off of spiked eggnog that you throw up.

Embrace your inner frat boy during the holiday season.

Upon doing some quick internet research I found that eggnog is a traditional drink in America and Canada, but that it originated in England. I don't know that were supposed to be surprised by that. Early aristocrats mixed it with brandy or sherry. Which, sounds far more posh then what we the dirty Americans do with it.

I also found out that there are recipes for eggnog without the egg. This does seem counter intuitive to me. As you will see from the recipes I've included, they all have eggs. Egg is literally half of eggnog. Without the egg it's just... nog.

Sure people have allergies. Sure there have been salmonella outbreaks in eggs, but the risk of potential food poisoning and death is just part of coming out to have a good time.

As the biggest fan there is of this drink. All the recipes included here have been made and procured by me. Be surprised and amazed. That is how much I love the eggnog. I will cut open a vanilla bean and heat a liquid mixture to a nice boil to froth myself up for the winter.

I also don't have to go out in public among the commoners if I can make it at home. There are perks to being industrious.

As of recent years, I have had to cutback on my intake. This blog is home of the “blonde, skinny, queen of the internet.” Sometimes, you've got to cut back to retain brand recognition.

If for some reason these drinks seem too complicated, store bought is fine.

RECIPES:
Chocolate Egg Nog
14 ounces of Sweetened Condensed Milk
3 Eggs
2 teaspoons of Vanilla Extract
1 cup of Heavy Cream
2 tablespoons of Chocolate Syrup
¼ teaspoon of Almond Extract

Using a blender, combine all ingredients. Refrigerate for 1 hour before serving.

Egg Nog
2 cups of Milk
2 cups of Heavy Cream
1 cup of Sugar
1 Vanilla Bean
10 Egg Yolks
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
½ teaspoon of Cinnamon
¼ teaspoon of Nutmeg

Heat in milk, heavy cream, ½ cup of the sugar, vanilla bean seeds, and vanilla extract until the mixture is hot.

Meanwhile, beat the egg yolks with remaining ½ cup of sugar until it is frothy. While whisking, slowly pour in the milk mixture ½ cup at a time, beating well after each addition.

Pour the mixture back into the pan and heat, while whisking until it has thickened slightly. Remove it from the heat and add the cinnamon and nutmeg.

Egg Nog Shake
1 cup of Vanilla Ice Cream
3/8 cup of Egg Nog
1 dash of Nutmeg

Using a blender combine all ingredients and mix until blended well.

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The American & French Chef

3/24/2015

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I feel like I haven't mentioned in a while what a struggle writing Tasty Tuesday's are for me. You don't understand, there is a struggle. The struggle is beyond real. So, I will take any inspiration I can get. I'm not quite sure why Julia Child's hit me as that inspiration. I really have no idea.

To be honest, none of the recipes in today's article have been tried out by me. Let's be real. I am not a French chef. I was not about to do any of the crazy things Julia Child was throwing in as suggestions. I really do like Julia Child. Back when I didn't have responsibilities I would watch her cooking show on PBS. I think it was The French Chef, but it could have been the one she did with Jacques. I always wondered why it was called the French chef. Julia Child's is not French. She is American it was just very confusing.

I definitely think Julia and I would have been best friends, if I knew her and was born you know like eighty years ago. Do you not love the suggestion that Julia Child was an ace super spy for America in World War II. You need to watch Julia on her cooking show. This is a wonderfully awkward woman, I just can't picture her as a spy of any kind. That's probably why she made such a great spy. If she was a spy.

That is one thing I hold against that movie Julie & Julia. It did not answer this question. It was such a good movie, though. I say as I haven't seen it in at least five years. Is there such a thing as a bad movie when Meryl Streep is in it. You could put Meryl Streep in the role of Batman and she would be the right choice. She's Meryl Streep.

Then, Amy Adams was in it and Amy Adams is bae. Hopefully you saw her on the cover of Vogue last December. She looked stunning. Because, she is stunning. I hope I didn't make you think I was going to relive the experiences of Amy Adam's character in that movie.

I am not cooking one recipe from Julia Child's cookbook every day. I don't think so. That is too much effort to be honest. Me waking up in the morning is really good enough to prove my existence.

The most heartbreaking moment in Julie & Julia is when Amy Adam's character is told that Meryl Streep doesn't 'understand' the concept of the blog. That was just rude for someone to point out to Amy Adam's first of all and secondly Julia Child would have been in her late eighties at this point. Of course she doesn't understand the concept of what a blog is.

There is something so loveable about Julia Child. She's always eating on her cooking show, which would be me. Totally honest, I would be eating all the time. I would be overweight and sexy of course. Julia Child is just a great person.

I say that. Do you ever think about our favorite icons. Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, James Dean. They were probably racist as fuck. Like I love them now in 2015 and what ever they thought in their respective time period wasn't controversial. But, that doesn't mean they weren't terrible people. What if Julia Child was a legit terrible person.

That is not important. She is adorable. That is how I will always think of her. Well, I always think of Meryl Streep playing her, but it's basically the same thing.

RECIPES:
Ratatouille
1 lb of Eggplant
1 lb pound of Zucchini
4-6 tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 teaspoon of Salt
2 cloves of mashed Garlic
1 ½ cups of thinly sliced Yellow Onions
Salt & Pepper
2 Green Pepper
3 tablespoons of minced Parsley
1 ½ cups of canned Tomatoes

Peel and cut the eggplant. Make sure you cut eggplant into lengthwise slices that are about 1-inch wide, 3-inch long, and 3/8-inch thick. Scrub the summer squash and cut into piece the same size as eggplant. Take a bowl and put the vegetables into it. Toss the vegetables with one teaspoon salt. Set them aside for 30 minutes. Drain every slice and dry with a towel.

Take a skillet and put four tablespoons of olive oil into it. Sauté the summer squash and eggplant, one layer at a time, for about one minute until they vegetables are slightly browned. Take them out into a dish.

Cook pepper and onions in the same skillet. Add a couple of tablespoons of olive oil if needed. Cook the vegetables for 10 minutes until they are tender. Add the garlic and season the mixture with salt and pepper.

Take the tomatoes and slice its pulp into 3/8-inch strips. Layer the tomatoes over pepper and onions, and season them with salt and pepper. Cover the skillet and let the vegetables cook for about 5 minutes on a low heat until the tomatoes start to render their juice. Check the seasoning and raise the heat. Boil the vegetables in the tomato juice until the juice evaporates entirely.

Take a casserole, about 2½-inch deep, and put 1/3 of the tomato mixture into it. Sprinkle the freshly minced parsley over tomatoes. Next, arrange half of the summer squash and eggplant on top. Layer the remaining tomatoes and parsley. Put the remaining summer squash and eggplant, and finish off with the rest of tomatoes and parsley.

Cover the casserole and put it on a low heat. Let everything simmer for about 10 minutes. Check it after 10 minutes, and season it if necessary. Raise the heat a little and cook everything for 15 minutes uncovered. Cook until all the juices evaporate. Be very careful about the heat. Avoid the vegetables getting scorch at the bottom of casserole.

Take it out, and serve!

Apricot Sherbert
1 can of Apricot halves
½ cup of Sugar
Almond Extract
2 teaspoons of Lemon Juice
2 Eggs

Get a measuring cup (1 quart), and set aside. Get your apricots and start pureeing them until smooth, and pour it into the cup.

You have to make at least two quarts of pureed apricots for this recipe.

The next thing that you have to do, is combine the pureed apricots, lemon, and refined sugar into a mixer. In high speed, beat the mixture, until there are no signs of the refined sugar anymore.

Once the refined sugar is fully dissolved, you can now add your almond extract, and the egg whites. You can whip in the egg whites using your mixer, but I definitely recommend using an ice cream maker. It is easier and more efficient in making perfect sherbet.

If you do not have an ice cream maker, I heard that some people use food processors, which produces the same outcome as well.

Once the egg whites are whipped in, pour your mixture into a clean container, and put it inside the freezer.

The tricky part here is – you have to check the sherbet after two hours of freezing. You have to gently whip the mixture again, in order to prevent the ice from building up. You have to do this twice, or thrice, if you feel the need to do it.

Sherbet is not as solid as ice cream. It should have a consistency of a mousse. Before you serve the apricot sherbet, you have to whip once more, to achieve the kind of consistency that is perfect for a sherbet.

Potato & Leek Soup
2 tablespoons of Canola Oil
4-5 Russet Potatoes
6 cups of Vegetable Stock
Salt
3 Leeks
½ cup of Heavy Cream
1-2 teaspoons of Lemon Juice
1/3 cup of Parsley
½ cup of Creme Fraiche

Take a large Dutch oven or stockpot and put oil into it. Heat the oil over medium heat. Add potato and leek to the oil and cook for about 8 to 12 minutes until the vegetables start to soften and turn slightly brown. Don’t forget to stir occasionally. The cooking time varies depending entirely on the surface area of your pot’s bottom.

Next, you will have to add the vegetable/chicken stock to the vegetables. Bring it to a full boil and let it simmer for about 30 to 40 minutes. Again, the time might vary. Let the mixture boil until the vegetables are tender.

Blend the soup until it is smooth. You can use immersion blender for this purpose. Or, it can be done by transferring the soup to a blender and blending it in batches. After blending, add the cream to the soup and season it to taste with salt. It is recommended to start with a single teaspoon and go from there, tasting regularly. Add some lemon juice and mix it well. Ladle the soup into bowls and decorate it with crème fraiche and minced parsley.

You can make about 6 servings following this exact recipe.

ALL RECIPES FROM the cookbook Mastering The Art of French Cooking by Julia Child, Simone Beck, and Louisette Bertholle.

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Eating With The Family

11/19/2014

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I can't be the only one who dreads family events. You get a lot of repeat questions. How are your grades? Are you doing well in school? Why aren't you dating someone?

Maybe I don't need a 'special' someone in my life, and I'm content being alone. And, as if I'm going to tell you about how I'm really doing in school. It consists of stress and crying. I don't need a lecture from you. In the end family can be a hassle. Sexist, homophobic, racist. They wonder why I don't talk to them.

These people don't even know I blog. That would create so many problems. Actually it probably wouldn't. They would never bother to read it. My cousin, Jamie writes all the time. Fiction and the works and no one reads it except for me. I think it's fantastic, but no one seems to care. It's probably why we're so close. I'm the only one who thinks she's talented and love what she writes.

I'm practically her target audience now, which I am fine with. I just can't fathom, why her parents have so little interest in it. But, they don't. I don't know. It's strange to me.

However, for the first time in weeks. You will have recipes I have made or more accurately witnessed made. I'm not really allowed in the kitchen on Thanksgiving. I know how to cook. I have some skill. But, no, I am not allowed in.

Usually I end up eating a box of Entemann's donuts until two o'clock when we have dinner. Is my family the only one who has Thanksgiving at two o'clock and calls it dinner. Do other people eat at a normal dinner time or is this is a normal practice. I don't understand.

Needless to say I am not allowed in the kitchen. All I really do is help with fruit salad. The menial labor, slicing the grapes, chopping up the green apples. Nothing that could actually hurt anything.

Really the only thing I do for Thanksgiving is set the table, then I'm asked why I used the good dishes. Family I don't know. Maybe, because this shouldn't sit in the hutch all day and I was bored. I have no answer for you. I'm sorry.

Sometime in the day we usually end up playing card games. Euker mostly. That's one my family really gets into. It's interesting. Some of the men watch football (I gag thinking about it), we played Pictionary one time. Where I was informed that I was too competitive. I was not that competitive. I just wanted to win, and I was willing to do anything it took to win. So, maybe they were right.

I admit it. I don't know I always get so competitive when it comes to Pictionary. When Thunder and I played once it was half way through the game. We both said we didn't care if we won. When we sensed victory. That changed. We lost.

It was a horrible day.

Most of my Thanksgiving's are spent with my mother's side of my family. I'm not even sure what my father's side does. I've been told my grandfather goes hunting. I don't think they really do anything on Thanksgiving. I don't know which side is better.

Have a good Thanksgiving this week. Don't burn anything. Remember I am here. You always have my recipes as back up. Also keep in mind that your family loves you and no matter how annoying they are. They really do just want what's best for you. Even, if they don't. It's only one day. You got this.

RECIPES:

Fruit Salad
5 peeled and diced Granny Smith Apples
1 lb of halved Red Grapes
2 cups of miniature Marshmallows
½ cup of Maraschino Cherry Juice
3 diced Bananas
1 jar of halved Maraschino Cherries
½ cup of Mayonnaise

Whisk together the mayonnaise and maraschino cherry juice, tasting to ensure sweetness (Add more cherry juice if necessary, if necessary) Set aside.

Combine the fruit and marshmallows, mixing gently. Add the mayonnaise mixture, mixing to cover all the fruit.

Stuffing
2 loaves of cubed White Bread
3 sticks of Butter
½ cup of chopped Onion
3 tablespoons of Parsley
2 teaspoons of Salt
2 ½ teaspoons of Sage
Dash of Pepper
12 ounces of Craisins
1 pound of Sausage
2 cans of Chicken Broth

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Brown the sausage and onion. Add the parsley, salt, sage, and pepper, stirring to mix well.

Combine the sausage mixture with the bread cubes, melted butter, and craisins, tossing lightly. Add the chicken broth to moisten well. Pour the stuffing into a well greased baking dish and bake for 50 minutes.

French Apple Tart (Otherwise Known as Apple Pie)
4 peeled and thinly sliced Apples
1 Lemon
2 tablespoons of Butter
¼ cup of Sugar
2 Eggs
2 Egg Yolks
2 tablespoons of Flour
½ cup of Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
1 teaspoons of Cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Butter the tart dish, then sprinkle it with 2 tablespoons of the sugar, coating it evenly. Set aside.

Sprinkle the lemon juice over the apple slices, then place them in the tart dish, and sprinkle with the remaining sugar. Set aside.

Combine the eggs, egg yolks, flour, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. Carefully pour the mixture over the apples, baking on the middle rack for 40-55 minutes or until the apples are tender.

Move the pie plate to the lower rack and continue baking for another 15 minutes (If the apples begin to brown, cover them with foil)

When the pie is cool, run a knife around the edges of the pie to loosen the sides, turn it into a serving plate.

Serve with whipped cream.

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Macho

American Idol... Returns?

Scream Queens... CANCELED

(Drank) Eggnog

The American & French Chef

Eating With The Family

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