Rita Ora has officially been announced as the new host of America's Next Top Model. The show was picked up by VH1. There's no official start date for the reality show, but this isn't Rita Ora's first time as a judge. She's hosted on both The Voice and The X-Factor in the United Kingdom. Fashion fans shouldn't be in total fear. Tyra Banks promises that she'll be dropping in throughout the cycle. Rita Ora may be out of her professional depth critiquing models on their runway look but Tyra is sure to bolster the panel with seasoned professionals that will help Ora make the right call. All she needs to do is keep her face powdered and her comments bitchy but relateable. |
Rita Ora is still working on her second album after problems with Jay Z's record label Roc Nation and has yet to break through commercially in the United States, except for her guest spot on Iggy Azalea's “Black Widow”. We'll see if her lead role on ANTM will be her pop culture breakthrough. It certainly wasn't her spin in 50 Shades of Grey or ripping Zac Efron's shirt off on national television. We'll be watching. It should be noted that Rita's American breakthrough was stilted after former boyfriend Calvin Harris refused to let her perform “I Will Never Let You Down” on national televison. A song he wrote and produced for the singer. Petty.
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“Biscuit”
What is also a food product? Biscuits.
Who can do a Tasty Tuesday on Ivy Levan. Spotlighting how amazing she is while at the same addressing the struggle that is Tasty Tuesday. Some fun facts about the song “Biscuit” is that it's a metaphor for the vagina. Turn up. I know. It's all about oral sex and I feel it. I would definitely say it's among the best female odes to vaginal pleasuring.
Granted the only other one I can think of is “Holy Water”. That's a Madonna song and just as sacrilegious as you would imagine. I definitely think that Rihanna's “Cockiness” counts. At some point she says “I love it when you eat it”. What is he eating? Probably not the box of chocolates he bought his girl on Valentine's Day.
Buy "Holy Water"
Bread is a holy experience. Jesus broke bread. Probably. Communion has bread like products that are involved in it. Bread is really the only reason to live. That's where the old colloquialism came from anyway “the best thing since sliced bread”. Things just don't top bread.
For the first time in at least a solid month all of the recipes I'm putting down are real Bubble Righted tested and approved. I enjoy the bread products and shout out to me for baking once in a great while. Sometimes you just got to make your own bread products. There are desperate times. Bake safely. Do not burn the house down. And in the words of RuPaul:
RECIPES:
Baking Powder Biscuits ½ cup of Shortening 2 cups of Flour 1 tablespoon of Sugar 3 teaspoons of Baking Powder 1 teaspoon of Salt ¾ cup of Milk Preheat the oven to 450 degrees Using a food processor, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt, pulsing until it resembles coarse crumbs. Add the milk, pulsing until the dough leaves the side of the bowl. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead it lightly 10 times. Roll the dough to ½ inch thickness and cut with a round cookie cutter, placing the biscuits on an ungreased baking sheet about 1 inch apart. Bake the biscuits for 10-12 minutes, or until they are golden brown. Remove the biscuits from the baking sheet immediately and serve warm.
Buy "Biscuit"
Brioche
1 cup of Milk (scalded) 1 cup of Butter 2 teaspoons of Salt ½ cup of Sugar 2 packages of Yeast ¼ cup of lukewarm Water 4 Eggs 4 ½ cup of Flour Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Add the butter, salt, and sugar, to the scalded milk, stirring until the butter is melted. Set aside. Sprinkle the yeast into the lukewarm water, add the eggs, mixing well. Add the milk mixture, beating well, then beat in the flour. Let rise for 6 hours. Chill until to ready to use. Form the dough into 1 inch balls, brush with butter, and let rise until they are double in size. Bake for 20 minutes. Corn Bread 1 cup of Flour 1 cup of Yellow Cornmeal ¼ cup of Sugar 4 teaspoon of Baking Powder ¾ teaspoon of Salt 2 Eggs 1 cup of Milk ¼ cup of Canola Oil Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Combine the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the eggs, milk, and canola oil, beating it until the mixture is smooth, about 1 minute. DO NOT OVERBEAT Pour the mixture into a greased bread pan, and bake for 20-25 minutes. Popovers 1 ¼ cups of Flour ¼ teaspoon of Salt 2 Eggs 1 teaspoon of Sugar 1 cup of Milk Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Combine the flour, salt, and sugar, mixing well. Gradually add the milk and eggs, beating thoroughly. Heat a well greased popover pan until it is hot. Pour the batter into the popover pan until each is about ½ full and bake for 27 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 300 degrees, and continue baking for another 3 minutes.
Although, I have slipped up with other people. I've called out Jenny in public before. It was okay, because there actually was a Jenny there. But, still that was awkward. I never talk to her and then I had to awkwardly stumble my way through conversation.
Today is actually Te Amo's birthday, except it isn't. Her birthday is the 22nd of January if I remember correctly and today's what the 27th? However, this is probably pretty close to when I did her surprise birthday party last year.
The entire time I was convinced that she knew. She did not know. May I suggest to everyone who does a surprise birthday party not to do it the way I did it. It was a smashing success, but that weekend was a mess.
Birthday's are time sensitive and that can't be helped, but the weekend I chose was the one I was doing my interview for college. It was this full ride scholarship, and I was like yes. I didn't get it. I failed miserably at the interview. It was rough. I had to get up at seven and I was there until about four in the afternoon on Saturday. I was doing her birthday on Sunday, but I also had to go to this dinner with my neighbors that night. I was really over reaching. You go big or you go home. I had my layer cake recipe planned out. The numerous dips. You've got to blow up the balloons, and I suck it at. Not in the good way. I can't get the balloons up. That is my problem. I suck at sucking. Something my crush can never know.
Of course I had to clean as well. It was a real mess. I might have looked calm and collected, but on the inside I was Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.
The guest list turned out really well. Basically everyone I told to come, came. I was insistent, I was like you need to be here. This is for Te Amo. People just love her. I wish I could be adored like Te Amo, but I am not willing to give up being a bitch so the masses like me. I could not pretend to like everyone and go about my business. It would not work for me. She's a doll. I hope she had a great birthday. I didn't see her this year, because she's away at college. Passing, while I sit here struggling through the tears. As I said I think Te Amo was surprised, but she wouldn't tell me if she wasn't. So, I will just imagine her surprise party went off without a hitch. It was a great gathering of people. There was conversation. People were talking. Everyone participated in a very violent game of Pictionary. It was great. The atmosphere was good. The music was good too. I have no idea what I put on, but I know Gaga came on at least once. Because, me and this one girl started singing “Sexxx Dreams” incredibly obnoxiously together. Happy belated Birthday Te Amo. Being better then me in 2015.
RECIPES:
Hot Spinach Artichoke Dip 1 cup of diced Onions 8 ounces of Sour Cream 8 ounces of Cream Cheese 14 ounces of chopped marinated Artichoke Hearts 15 ounces of chopped frozen Spinach ¼ cup of Butter 1 cup of grated Monterey Jack Cheese 1 cup of grated Parmesan Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Saute the onions in the butter until they are softened. Add the cream cheese, sour cream, and Monterey Jack cheese and stirring until cheese has melted. Add the artichoke hearts and spinach, mixing well. Pour the mixture into a baking dish and top with additional cheese. Bake for 20 minutes or until the cheese is lightly browned.
Party Punch
1 quart of Grape Juice 1/3 cup of Lemon Juice 1 pint of Orange Juice ½ cup of Sugar 48 ounces of Ginger Ale Ice Cubes Combine the grape juice, lemon juice, orange juice, and sugar, mixing well. Before serving, add the ginger ale, stirring well. Pour in ice NOTE: If you would like to garnish the punch (I never do) you can use mint leaves, orange slices, and lemon slices.
Lemon Layer Cake
Cake 1 cup of Milk 6 Eggs 1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract 1 teaspoon of Almond Extract 2 ¼ cups of Flour 1 ¾ cups of Sugar 4 teaspoons of Baking Powder 1 teaspoon of Salt 12 tablespoons of Butter Lemon Curd Filling 1 cup of Lemon Juice 1 teaspoon of Unflavored Gelatin 1 ½ cups of Sugar 1/8 teaspoon of Salt 6 Egg Yolks 4 Eggs 8 tablespoons of Butter Icing 2 Egg Whites 1 cup of Sugar ¼ cup of Water 1 tablespoon of Lemon Juice 1 tablespoon of Corn Syrup Cake Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 8 to 9 inch pans. Line bottoms with parchment paper. Whisk the milk, egg whites, and both extracts together in a small bowl. In a large bowl, whisk the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt together. Beat the butter into the flour mixture, one piece at a time, about 30 seconds. Continue to beat until it resembles moist crumbles. About 1-3 minutes. Beat in all but ½ cup of the milk mixture, then increase the mixer speed until smooth, light, and fluffy, 1-3 minutes. Reduce the mixer speed to low and slowly beat in the remaining ½ cup of milk mixture until batter looks slightly curdled. About 15 seconds. Make sure it is thoroughly combined and pour into prepared pans. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Let the cakes cool in the pans for 10 minutes. Run a small knife around the edge of the cakes and then flip them onto the wire rack. Peel off the parchment paper. It will take 2 hours for the cakes to completely cool, so they can be frosted. Lemon Curd Filling Measure 1 tablespoon of the lemon juice into a small bowl and sprinkle the gelatin over top. Cook the remaining lemon juice, sugar, and salt together in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is hot, about 1 minute. Do not boil. In a large bowl whisk the egg yolks and eggs together until combined, then slowly whisk in the hot lemon mixture to temper. Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over medium heat, until the mixture is thickened and a spatula scraped along the bottom leaves a trail. This should take 4-6 minutes and on an instant read thermometer it should say about 170 degrees. Off the heat stir in the gelatin mixture until dissolved. Stir in the frozen butter until melted and incorporated. Strain the curd into a bowl and press plastic wrap directly on the surface. Refrigerate the curd for at least 4 hours. Placing one cake on the cake plate spread the filling over the top. Place the remaining cake layer on top and press lightly to adhere. NOTE: You can split both cakes in half. And, incorporate more layers. I find it to be difficult to do it this way, but I am also not skilled as a cook or a baker or anything kitchen related. So, live your life. Icing In a large bowl whisk all the ingredients together until combined. Set bowl over a large saucepan until combined. Set the bowl over a large saucepan of barely simmering water, making sure the water does not touch the bottom of the bowl. Heat the mixture, whisking constantly until it reads 160 degrees on an instant read thermometer. About 5-10 minutes. Remove the bowl from the heat and whip the mixture for 5-7 minutes until stiff peaks form. Increase mixer speed and beat for another 5-7 minutes. Frost the cake with the icing. The way I did was to pipe the icing into an even-ish formation on the cake. Then, I used a spoon to give it this wavy pattern. I'm not sure if that make sense, but it was very pretty. And, compared to most parts of this cake, it wasn't that hard to do.
That is too much information. I love you, but calm yourself. That is just something you think. I personally do not really understand this concept of wanting to eat food off of your lovers body, but I am not totally judging. I will try anything once and who knows it could be really fun. It would combine my favorite activity of eating into the mix. Let me tell you how uncomfortable it was going through the cookbooks, specifically looking for food I could eat off of someone's body. I don't know how I would explain that one to my mother. She always sees me in the cookbooks, and whenever she asks me what I'm doing. I tell her I'm looking for something to make. I'm surprised she hasn't asked me why I'm always looking for recipes and I never make any. We are also not talking at the moment. It's been a week and the last time I talked to her, I said “hello, madre”. She glared at me and didn't respond. It's really wonderful living at home. I also told everyone that I wasn't going to write this article. I told them the concept and added the forewarning that I was not going to write it. Well, here I am. Even, two days ago I said I wasn't going to. I was out to dinner with Rosencrantz and I told her about it. I was like I'm never going to write this. We see how that works.
RECIPES: Clotted Cream 1 cup of Heavy Cream 1/3 cup of Sour Cream 3 tablespoons of Powdered Sugar Whipped Cream 1 cup of Heavy Cream 1 tablespoons of Sugar 1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract Whip the heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla extract until stiff peaks form. Hazelnut Spread (Known to the world as Nutella) 1 cup of toasted and peeled Hazelnuts 2 tablespoons of Canola Oil 2 tablespoons of Powdered Sugar 1 tablespoons of Coca Powder ½ teaspoon of Vanilla Extract 12 ounces of melted Milk Chocolate Using a food processor, pulse the hazelnuts until they make a paste. While the machine is running, drizzle in the canola oil, processing until it is well combined. Add the powdered sugar, cocoa powder, and vanilla extract, mixing well. Push the mixture through a strainer to remove and chunks, then stir into the melted chocolate and let cool. Lemon Curd 1 cup of fresh Lemon Juice 1 teaspoon of Unflavored Gelatin 1 ½ cup of Sugar 1/8 teaspoon of Salt 6 Egg Yolks 4 Eggs 8 tablespoons of Butter Sprinkle the unflavored gelatin over 1 tablespoon of lemon juice. Set aside. Combine the remaining lemon juice, sugar, and salt, heating until the sugar has dissolved. Set aside. Whisk together the yolks, and eggs until they are well combined. Slowly whisk in the lemon juice mixture, cooking over a medium low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture has thickened, 4-6 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the unflavored gelatin and butter. Refrigerate until it is spreadable about 4 hours. Butterscotch Sauce 1 cup of Brown Sugar 2 tablespoons of Light Corn Syrup ¼ cup of Milk 2 tablespoons of Butter Combine all of the ingredients, bringing to a boil, and stirring for 3-4 minutes or until thickened.
Mashed Potatoes
4 boiled Potatoes 4 tablespoons of Butter ¼ cup of Heavy Cream 4 tablespoons of Cream Cheese ½ teaspoons of Salt Drain the potatoes well, then add the butter, heavy cream, cream cheese, and salt, mashing until well mixed, and the desired consistency. This officially commences the week of Fergie. I had grand plans for this article. I was going to do my homework on the favorite foods of Duchess Fergie and give you my recipes for said meals. I am very bad at researching things on the internet. Honest to God I go to the library and check books out to write a research paper. I don't understand computers at all. Just, because I blog does not mean I understand them. Weebly is very user friendly. That's the only reason I can blog. They recently actually changed it up a little bit. Where I no longer have to be awake at midnight to post something. I was like slay weebly, slay. Granted with great power comes great responsibility
I had to shift everything around. Poor Jenny Lewis got knocked up two weeks and Mindy got moved back. I can just see it now. On the home page there's a link to the Jenny Lewis article and the only thing on Friday Favorites is the new article on Mindy. That would have been great. But, Fergie. Queen Duchess Supreme, Fergie does not readily put her favorite foods out there. I found one thing about a smoothie (that's included) and we all know she likes her Taco Bell. I said screw it. I am over this, so the recipes today are focused on a tea party. The kind of affair a Duchess would throw. My love affair with Fergie has been my whole life. I got her album on the way to visit my grandfather. My mother always bought me a little something on roadtrips and this time it was Fergie. I was in love. My mother actually liked it more then me. The woman is obsessed with that part of Fergie. The Black Eyed Peas my mother likes are the Fergie strong The E.N.D. phase it's a strange obsession on my mother's part. Her with her classic rock and country. That is what she listens to. That is what she likes. In between all of that. She fits in The Black Eyed Peas and Fergie. Now the whole point of this week of Fergie is that you know what has happened. Fergie is back. Fergie has come back to life. Fergie has not forsaken us. Since “L.A. Love” was released there have not been the parades in the street that there needs to be. That is why I as your humble blogger am here to inform the world that they need to listen to Fergie. I want it to be a commercial success for her. Yes. I like the song. Yes. However, what I really want is the album. If this song does not do well. The album might be retooled. It might never be released. And, I will blame the world. The world will have crushed my dreams. Of course I included the audio to “L.A. Love” for you to listen to. When you listen you will here that bass drop and you will know that Fergie is back and about to let you have it. One of my favorites DJ Mustard is behind the track and if this is any indication of the direction of the new album. I will be buying it. I will be there when the stores open to get Fergie in my hands. Will.I.Am is still involved. It remains to be seen whether his influence will be in the form of the electronic music he's been favoring recently or his more classic, less brain throbbing hip-hop and R&B sound that made “Where Is The Love” a global phenomenon. At the moment speculation has it that the album is set for a release in 2015. If “L.A. Love” ascends to the top of the charts fast enough we'll have the album before Christmas. We can do this world. We can get new Fergie by Christmas. There is no way that album isn't done. It's been eight long years and we have been in a drought. Buy "L.A. Love" RECIPES: Simple things to remember, while having a tea party is that there needs to be tea. There should be finger food. Bring out that fine China you never use. Actually just using anything formal you have, even if it doesn't really work bring it out. Wear a hat that's too big for your head. Have fun. Invite some friends over. Put on The Duchess. And if conversation lags read Bubble Righted. Mini Spinach Quiches 1 tablespoon of Butter 1 ½ cups of torn Baby Spinach Leaves 1 15 ounce package of Piecrust Dough 3 Egg Yolks 1 Egg 1 ¼ cups of Heavy Cream Salt and Pepper Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Coat a muffin tray with spray. Melt the butter over medium low heat in a small skillet. Add the spinach and cook until it turns dark green, about 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to 1/8 inch thick. Cut out circles with a cookie cutter and place in the muffin pan. Prick the dough with a fork. Press a square of foil onto the dough in each pan. Bake for 8 minutes, then remove the foil and return the pans to the oven for 2 more minutes, until the crust is light golden. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, beat together the yolks, egg, salt and pepper to taste, and cream. Add the spinach and distribute it evenly throughout the egg mixture. Divide the filling among 12 prebaked shells, trying to get an equal amount of spinach in each shell. Return the pans to the oven and bake for 15 minutes, until the filling is firm. Scones 2 cups of Flour 3 tablespoons and 2 teaspoons of Sugar 1 tablespoon of Baking Powder ¼ teaspoon of Salt 6 tablespoons of chilled Butter 1 Egg ½ cup and 1 tablespoon of Half and Half Preheat oven to 400 degrees Combine the four, 3 tablespoons of sugar, baking powder, and salt. Cut in the butter with a fork. Whisk the egg and ½ cup of half and half. Add the egg mixture of the flour mixture and stir until moistened. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until just smooth, then roll out dough and cut into circles. Pace the cutouts on ungreased baking sheet. Brush the tops with half and half and sprinkle 2 teaspoons of sugar on top. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes until golden. Cucumber Mint Tea Sandwiches 1 peeled and thinly sliced Cucumber 16 thin slices of White Bread ½ cup of Butter 16 Mint Leaves Salt and White Pepper Sprinkle the cucumber slices with salt and pepper and set aside in a colander for 10 minutes, so any excess liquid can drain out. Pat dry with paper towels. Using a cookie cutter, cut two 2 inch rounds from each slice of white bread. Coat each circle on one side with a thin layer of butter. Layer the cucumber slices on top of the butter side of bread. Add tiny dab of butter with a mint leaf. Place another bread round on top with the butter side down. Press the sandwiches gently together. Serve immediately or refrigerate for 3 hours in plastic wrap. Blue Cheese, Walnut, and Pear Tea Sandwiches 4 tablespoons of Butter 6 thin slices of Whole Grain Bread ¼ cup of Cream Cheese 2 tablespoons of crumbled Blue Cheese ½ cup of chopped and toasted Walnuts ½ a Pear cored and thinly sliced* Butter one side of each slice of bread. Combine the cream cheese and blue cheese in a small bowl and mash until soft and well combined. Divide the cheese mixture among 3 of the bread slices and spread to cover the slice. Sprinkled nuts on top of the cheese and then add a layer of pear slices. Top with remaining bread slices, butter side down, and press down gently. Cut each sandwich into 4 squares or 4 fingers. Serve immediately or refrigerate for 3 hours in plastic wrap. *I do not know where you are supposed to find a half a pear lying around in this world. So, I guess you're just supposed to buy a whole pear and eat the other half. That is what I did. When you have the half a pear. You eat the half a pear.
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AboutEverything's a competition when you're raised by the television. SOCIAL MEDIA
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