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It's 4:00 in the morning when I was asked, “Do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”
This all started the night before. I was going bowling as one does. It was for charity and I was with the President and his boyfriend. I think I did a great job bowling personally. Everyone said that I “bowl angry.” They said that I “throw the bowl down the lane.” And as I said to them “Isn't the point to get the ball down the lane.” |
It was amazing. First game I was in 4th place. Second game slipped into 5th. There were five of us bowling. I guttered it multiple. Honestly, the worst part of bowling is that they make you wear flats.
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After this nightmare, he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his boyfriend. I was like of course. I enjoy their company. I had nothing better to do with my life. And, unbeknownst to me at the time I'd lost my keys.
It was honestly such a great night. We watched Kill Bill. His friends came over. Did a few shots of tequila. I the innocent homosexual does not like tequila and enjoyed my refreshing glass of water. In the words of the boy who did six shots of tequila, “I'm not drunk man! You don't even know me.” |
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They played Super Mario Smash Brothers at some point. I played a game. As Peach. I did a terrible job, but with my inability to get into the action I ended up in second place. The thing I learned that night is that straight boys like to use the word “pussy” a lot. It was a lot for me to handle.
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We also baked chocolate chip cookies. I ate the raw cookie dough of Toll House and I'm sure everyone was disappointed that I didn't die of salmonella poisoning. Maybe next time.
It was after everyone left. At 4:00 in the morning that I was asked if I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I said yes. I am allergic to peanut butter, but not in the way that if I come in contact with it I'm going to die. It turned out that there was enough strawberry jam for two sandwiches and I ended up with two slices of bread and nutella. It made me feel like a Belgian school boy. That is how life is supposed to be. This is what college is about. Six hours later. 10:00 am I start to think about life. What really is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich other then a comforting reminder of your childhood. A quick midnight snack. I felt inspired. |
As a child I always had a peanut butter sandwich for elementary school. I wasn't progressive enough for jelly. The crusts were always cut off. I would have my capri sun. Maybe an apple sauce if I was feeling particularly feisty that day.
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That's what inspired me to compile recipes that reflect what a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is. It's a feeling.
And, in exciting news. After realizing I lost my keys and getting home at 2:00 in the afternoon, my parents now think I fucked my dear friend. If only they knew how G rated my night was. |
RECIPES:
Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal
1/2 cup of Water
1/2 cup of Milk
Salt
1/3 cup of Oats
1 tablespoon of Sugar
2 tablespoons of Peanut Butter
1 tablespoon of Jelly
In a medium saucepan, bring the water and milk to a boil. Add the oats and salt.
Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes. Allow it to sit for 1 minute.
Stir in the sugar ,peanut butter and jelly.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal
1/2 cup of Water
1/2 cup of Milk
Salt
1/3 cup of Oats
1 tablespoon of Sugar
2 tablespoons of Peanut Butter
1 tablespoon of Jelly
In a medium saucepan, bring the water and milk to a boil. Add the oats and salt.
Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes. Allow it to sit for 1 minute.
Stir in the sugar ,peanut butter and jelly.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Cocktail
2 ounces of Vodka
1 ounce of Strawberry Puree
1 ounce of Hazelnut Liqueur
1 ounce of Black Currant Liqueur
1 Whole Strawberry
Fill a shaker with ice cubes. Add all ingredients. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a strawberry.
2 ounces of Vodka
1 ounce of Strawberry Puree
1 ounce of Hazelnut Liqueur
1 ounce of Black Currant Liqueur
1 Whole Strawberry
Fill a shaker with ice cubes. Add all ingredients. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a strawberry.
The Classic
2 Slices of Bread
Peanut Butter
Jelly
Get your two slices of bread and make it as peanuty or jelly like as you need for 4:00 in the morning.
2 Slices of Bread
Peanut Butter
Jelly
Get your two slices of bread and make it as peanuty or jelly like as you need for 4:00 in the morning.
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