I saw it out of the curiosity of yet another Lady Gaga, acting adventure. Her Machete Kills debut as La Chameleon was irreverent, cheeky, and an inconsequentially funny hit man. I was out for dinner with Rosencrantz and Sacajawea.
She suggested I call her “Jojo”, but after her sense of direction she showed that night. Sacajawea is much more fitting.
We were at this great Mexican restaurant. I always steal their mints, and we were low at home. Rosencrantz and I are there a little bit before six, Sacajawea at 6:10. We tell her she's ten minutes late. She says not to be so dramatic, “you can't just double five minutes.” And you can't divide ten by two and call it five, but I'm not saying anything.
She is habitually late. She was seven minutes late last time (although she claims it was one minute) and she was twenty five minutes late another time when she changed the time we were meeting by an hour to start with.
Needless to say after we're done eating, I suggest we go see a movie. I tell them I want to see Sin City. Lady Gaga is in it. It's my only reason. But, if they want to see something else I'm here for it. We consider Lucy, The Fault In Our Stars, and The Purge. For one or more reasons none of them seem acceptable, so we decide that we will go see Sin City.
If your only going for Gaga. No. She's in it for maybe a minute, and despite how helpful she was being she ends up getting Joseph Gordon Levitt killed. I was not okay. You know everyone says how sexy he is and I guess he is. But, I just think he's adorable. He's really not sexy. He's too cute to be sexy, even though he is. Either way that wasn't okay.
There's a string of heavy hitters in this movie, and I am here for that. Jessica Alba, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, and Christopher Lloyd. There wasn't a lack of talent in this movie.
The plot, I don't even know what that was. There were three, maybe four stories going on. I didn't care about two of these. The only one that was everything was the one about this woman who uses sex to get men to kill for her, uses them, and throws them away. Oh, my god she was everything. Those red lips, her green eyes. EVERYTHING. We also see her naked quite a bit and it is not bad. Sometimes, in movies I'm like put that away, but with her it wasn't jarring. Essentially, she was Rebecca Carlton from Body of Evidence. Or Sharon Stones character in Basic Instinct.
Mind you there was so much blood, violence, and sex in this movie. It is not rated R for no reason. I did not get carded for three times for nothing. Yes, you heard me. I was carded three times. I thought I was seeing a sneak preview of 50 Shades of Gray.
Jessica Alba is trying to get some revenge on this other guy who I guess was responsible for her boyfriend? (Husband?) killing himself. Honestly, I don't know. She's a stripper, so that's classy. This other guy helps her get the job done. I think he had his own plot line, I'm not sure. That's the fourth possible plot, I wasn't sure of. He basically just kills people through this whole movie.
It was so great I thought I lost my keys in the movie theater. Poor, Rosencrantz had to get down on her knees with a flashlight on the sticky floor just to find out I'd left them in the car. Sorry, boo. Me basic.
So, should you see the movie? Coming from someone who didn't see the first Sin City and didn't read the comics and only saw it because of Lady Gaga, I say rent it. It's worth watching. It was enjoyable. It is not worth full price. It was beautiful. I will never watch it again
I will even rate this for you. 2 ½ Bubbles. Yes. I went there. I just Bubble Righted this bitch. It is right in the middle of 5 Bubbles. This movie is whatever it is, it is enjoyable. You do not need to rush on out to go see it.