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The movie theater this June appears to be full of sequels. Films from every kind of genre are putting in their two cents for a franchise reboot. Sequels are known as being the lesser of two evils, but they've already started summer off well with the return of R rated comedy Neighbors 2 returned with Zac Efron, Rose Byrne, and Zac Galifinakis heading off against the sorority queen Sophie Grace Moretz.
I saw the original Neighbors on the day of my graduation instead of crossing the stage. It was well worth my absence. The only reason you have to not be in the theaters this June is if you have a social life. |
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Now You See Me 2
June 10th Follow up to the 2013 heist caper full of magicians, stunts, and realistic death scenes, the four horsemen return in order to expose the unethical practices of a tech magnate. It's all very 21st century Robin Hood of them, we'll have Dave Franco there (without his naked ass) and Morgan Freeman all in an hour and a half of mind bending manipulation that's sure to be worth the thrill of spending $8.25 for a ticket. |
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2
June 3rd Who needs to see Civil War when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are coming out of the sewer to save the world? The plot is not important. Megan Fox is returning in a CGI fight fest full of PG-13 comedy and lewd humor. There's nothing better than the summertime to bring you inconsequential movies that will never win an Academy Award. |
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The Conjuring 2
June 10th The Warrens are back to investigate a poltergeist in England. It was time to move the franchise across the sea. The original Conjuring was one of those rare breeds of movies that was not only elastically creepy, but also critically appreciated. Sure to build off the old fashioned scares of the last film, there won't be a better movie to get your lover's heart racing. |
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Finding Dory
June 17th Ellen Degeneres is back. Our childhood has finally returned. It's been 13 years, since we found Nemo, and there all back. Albert Brooks is back as the domineering voice of Marlin, the well intentioned, over protective father of Nemo. And, we have some newcomers. Off the shore of California living in beautiful Morro Bay are Dory's parents. This glorious movie is set six months after the conclusion of the last film and Dory has her memory back. She knows that Diane Keaton is her mother and she knows who her father is. So, not only is everyone else looking for Dory, but Dory is finding Dory. It's a messy movie of animation that's sure to break our hearts and make everyone cry. I'm going to be there the Friday it comes out and fuck and child that tries to get in my way. I will bury them. They haven't been waiting as long as I have. |
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