Category: Funny

Gay For Play

4/25/2016

RuPaul is keeping himself busy with the continued success of underground pop culture phenomenon RuPaul’s Drag Race, a new album playfully titled Butch Queen, his judging role on Skin Wars that airs on GSN, and another game show.

Logo needed a new show to fill their empty time slots and RuPaul pitched them the perfect idea. Gay For Play. The only game show designed to make America gay again.

I guess we’re not getting a half hour of Snatch Game anytime soon.

Let me tell you something, researching this project at work was tiresome. They gave me Bing as a default browser and when I said Gay For Play they thought Gay For Pay. And, I’m down for NSFW images anytime of the day, but that was not what I wanted in my life.

The title of the show is a direct reference to the concept of “gay for pay”. It’s only funny if you get the joke. Porn is infamous for having a string of actors who identify as straight, but will fuck just about anyone for the money. Which, is how it should be.

RuPaul will be hosting the gay extravaganza that pits two contestants against each other in order to find out who the best gay is.

The show revolves around specifically gay subject matter. It will be an education for all the young LGBT+ members who might have missed out their gay education. And, it will be a chance for the contestants to show their true colors.

The contestants can be helped by six of the panelists. Who may or may not know what their talking about. Michelle Visage is going to be there and most importantly her breasts will be there. Carson Kresley from Project Runway fame will be there as will Ross Matthews known for his stint on Chelsea Lately along with youtuber Todrick Hall.

They’re all funny and perfectly informed to mislead the contestants at will.

RuPaul has talked about how gay culture is so often appropriated by mainstream culture with no recognition of its roots. The popular Lip Sync Battle was ripped straight from drag culture. There’s a reason that the time always comes for two queens to, “Lip sync… for your life.” It’s an intrinsic part of gay culture and the best part is that the show is cohosted by known homophobe LL Cool J.

Gay For Play is a show that no heterosexual could ever create by themselves. It’s gays taking gay culture and deep throating through the TV screen.

The show is funny as hell and it airs every Monday night at 10 pm eastern on Logo. The only TV channel that matters.

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Getting Pitch Slapped (Again)

5/11/2015

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Summer movies are upon us and this is when we rush out to see the worst possible movies. Not that we all don't love all those superhero movies, but they aren't really the quality films that will change the world. And, as much as I love a good romantic comedy, other then reminding me of how single I am, they don't do much either.

This is however is all going to change on May 15th. Pitch Perfect 2 is going to change how we look at summer movies. Okay, probably not. Now that I think about it. This movie will not change the world, but there are hopes. Rebel Wilson is in it. That's really all a movie needs.

During that horrible event I called the 12 Days of Bubbles, I did a Throwback Thursday on the first Pitch Perfect. Which, really is iconic. It gave us all those Glee vibes we were missing. Like, yes Glee was still on, but no one was watching it. That show was dead before they canceled it.

Anna Kendrick on what to expect from the new Pitch Perfect movie.

It's probably too soon to tell, but Pitch Perfect is going to be this decades Mean Girls. Now if that's true. That means this sequel cannot fuck it up for us. Unintended sequels just do not usually end up going that well for some reason. I am crossing my fingers, but I don't know if I really have high hopes for this sequel. This sequel that I'm definitely going to go see. The day it comes out.

Is it going to be funny. Hopefully? No matter what happens we are all going to go flock to see this movie, but I just don't know if they can hit the mark again.

Now, I've rewatched the trailer, which of course is included below. And from what I can tell this is the basic outline of what is happening. The Barden Bellas (aka the protagonists) majorly fuck up at the beginning of the movie. They are removed from the acapella circuit. In order to get back in they compete in the World Championships.

I don't quite get that. The United States is all LOL you can't compete here, but the World Acapella leaders are all like come on over. Of course the Barden Bellas have competition from some European team, which they will no doubt dominate at the end of the movie.

One of the competing teams is actually real life acapella sensation Pentatonix. They had that Christmas album, That's Christmas To Me that everyone bought last year. I think their supposed to be Canadian. That should be interesting considering none of them have acting experience. But, I have high hopes for Mitch and Scott to kill it.

In other vaguely exciting news. It is exciting. I just don't know. They have decided to make a Pitch Perfect 3. We haven't even decided if we liked the sequel and they're making a threequel. Please control yourselves. I swear this franchise is going to end up like The Fast and the Furious and ten movies later someone is going to tragically die and there won't be any more movies. I truly am questioning where they're going to go with this movie after winning the world championship. Are we going to discover aliens and have an intergalatic sing off? What exactly is the plan. That is what I want to know.

There will no doubt be a soundtrack release for the film. The original soundtrack was a big seller. The soundtrack is going to be in stores on May 12th and it features a new track by Ester Dean, "Crazy Youngsters"

Buy "Crazy Youngsters"

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Whips And Chains

2/2/2015

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In 12 days, it will be Valentines Day. But, more importantly 50 Shades of Grey is coming out. I cannot lie to anyone and tell them I am not going to see it the day it comes out. It's actually going to be out on the 13th but that's beside the point. We're going to see it on Valentines Day.

I have no idea who I'm going to take to see it with me. I cannot go to see it alone. I don't go see movies alone. It's just awkward uncomfortable.

Now hopefully you have not been living under a rock, and you understand the concept of 50 Shades of Grey. It's the Basic Instinct of the 21st century. I am ready. It's basically going to be really classy porn with a plot. I can stand behind that. I'm ready.

If we're being really honest I have never read the books. I implied that I read them, but I didn't. I read some really trashy books with some good sex scenes, but spending more then ten dollars on a book with some hardcore BDSM is not for me.

I am here for those less then a dollar, free kindle books. There is one series you all need to read called Big Girls Do It Better. Slay me. The whole series was free when I downloaded it and I loved it. It is a little sad, but it's like empowering. One that I read was kinky as fuck. It was called Stripped, Paddled, and Bound and it was about college hazing. That book was rough, but the cover is everything.

The only problem with only downloading smut onto your kindle is that you can't trust the recommendations. I was not really in the mood for those creative ways of describing the vagina. So, I was like sure let me read Taken by the Vikings. I'm sure it's some good action story.

It was not. It was about this boy who was captured by the vikings and turned into a sex slave. Oh, my god it is so nasty and so good. Can't favorite that book enough. And, there are sequels. It's just my idea of a good time. I just enjoy pointless sex stories. Most of them are so awkward and funny. They're great. If you ever need a recommendation, I am here for you.

Of course the real reason we're seeing 50 Shades of Grey is for all the eye candy. Dakota Johnson will be playing the lead and I'm not necessarily here for it. She's pretty, but is she who I want to see tied up and submissive. Maybe not.

Originally, Mr. Grey was going to be played by Charlie Hunman. He is not a boy I would turn down at the club. Let's be real, but he wasn't the sex symbol. I am much more here for his replacement Jamie Dornan. This man may not be ideal, but he can take my body. He can tie me up and whip me with a spatula any day of the week. Can I get an amen.

The Original Mr. Grey

His Replacement

Like, everything about this movie will be perfect. The soundtrack is something we're all going to buy. You need to hear the Weeknd's “Earned It”. He's the boy who dueted with Ariana Grande on “Love Me Harder”. It's luscious. That's what this song it.

Buy "Earned It"

And, if you have not heard Beyonce's new rendition of “Crazy In Love” for this movie, I am disappointed in you. Because, that means you haven't watched the trailer. What is your life.

Rita Ora is also going to be in this movie if that interests you. I don't know her role. I don't really care. Rita Ora has not proven herself to be relevant to American culture, yet. Who knows this movie could be the turning point and she is sexy.

Judge away. I'm going to see it. I am so ready for Valentines Day. I may be alone and single. But, I will have 50 Shades of Grey and new Madonna music to keep me company.

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Into Annie

12/15/2014

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So, day two of the 12 Days of Bubbles continues. At this point we are all rushing around, trying to get those Christmas presents done, and out of the way. I know this is finals week. That is going how it is going.

The only thing keeping all of us going is knowing that soon we will have Christmas upon us and that at the end of the month we're going to get so wasted and kiss the loves of our lives at midnight.

That, however is not what is getting me through this week. Friday, I am ready. This Friday on the 19th, the remake of Annie is coming to theaters near you. I am so ready.

Annie is just my childhood movie. Carole Burnett kills it as Miss Hannigan, and I'm just really feeling the cast they picked for this movie. Now they could fuck it up. I am not dismissing that. There is a strong possibility that will happen. What's really exciting me is that Cameron Diaz will be taking over my favorite role of , Miss Hannigan. And, you know Cameron can sing. She was on Glee after all.

The music should be interesting. You've got Jay-Z backing up this soundtrack as producer, and you should know he killed The Great Gatsby Soundtrack. Now, I don't know if Jamie Foxx will be singing. I don't really want him to. That little girl Quvenzhané Wallis is also starring as Annie. She's the one who won that Academy Award or almost one that Academy Award. I don't know. I had to google her name. That's a hot mess right there. Until she hits Angelina Jolie level, I don't think I'll get her name down.

Needless to say if I'm not too busy blogging away for the 12 Days of Bubbles, I will be in the front row to see Annie on the 19th.

Now the movie I am just so ready for is also a musical. Now, I do not like musicals. Like I tolerate them, but I don't like them per say. But, on the 25th of December, I will not be in the theater, but I will be thinking about being front row and center to see Out of the Woods.

More then likely I'll see it with the Mayor and Miss Sara Bellum. They love the theater as much as I do not. It is a star studded cast. Meryl Streep is in it. Harkening back to the days of Mamma Mia! A musical that legitimately is my shit.

This musical is a mash up of fairy tales. That includes Anna Kendrick, Chris Pine, Emily Blunt, and Johnny Depp. If you saw Pitch Perfect you know who Anna Kendrick is, if you've listened to the radio at all you know “Cups”. She's really funny. Her twitter is to die for.

Anna Kendrick and Chris Pine

I live for Emily Blunt. She was that really bitchy secretary in The Devil Wears Prada and ever since then I've just lived for her. I follow her career. I shamelessly stalked her wedding to John Krasinski. She's like the love of my life.

Of course everyone is down for some Johnny Depp. Then, Chris Pine is in it. Not Chris Pratt, but Chris Pine is not bad to look at. He's douche bag hot. You know what I mean? Like he's hot, but he knows he's hot. And he's kind of an asshole. Either way, I do not mind seeing him in front of me when I watch this movie.

Do not kill me for not being excited about the new Hobbit movie. I don't even know what's it called. It's coming out on a Wednesday, which is weird. Now I have seen The Lord of the Rings. I've seen every single one, so I don't hate the Hobbit. I just haven't seen any of them.

I am seeing it by the way. At a midnight showing. A program I'm in at school is going, and my crush is also in said program, and this seems like something he would do. So. I am going. Shamelessly for that reason. He might not even show up, and that it would be heart breaking.

No matter what happens, Orlando Bloom will be in this movie. And, I have never been more attracted to him, then when he had that long straight white hair. Like, god damn. It also didn't hurt that he was the only clean person in the entire movie.

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The Woman With The Pearls

9/10/2014

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Tragically, feminist icon Joan Rivers passed away last Thursday. I was heart broken. Not in the same way I was when Robin Williams killed himself over a month ago. There was time to prepare myself with Joan, but I was heart broken none the less. 81 just seems so young. I'm sure in the coming weeks we'll have more information on the causes of her death, but this Media Monday. I want us to reflect on a legend.

When, I heard of the news last Thursday, I said to myself, I'll have to dedicate a Throwback Thursday to her. Shift the one I was already writing up another three weeks and replace it with one of Joan. I decided, and I realized that this wasn't fair to her legacy.

With Robin Williams I wrote a whole new post for him. Spared no expense to make it beautiful. With Joan I was going to replace her article with something else. That seemed callous of her contributions. The way some people have been treating her death on certain social media is appalling. Many posts on Tumblr were insensitive and mocking. One showed a picture of Beyonce blowing out her birthday candles, the caption reading 'taking out Joan Rivers life supply'.

I don't know who thought that was in good taste. It wasn't. It wasn't particularly funny either. It is too soon. In a year, maybe even a few months from now, I can see that humor. But, not right now. There was no disrespect with the passing of Robin Williams anywhere, and it's possible that because Joan wasn't as integral to our childhood the way Robin Williams was that she wasn't given the same regard.

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
-Joan Rivers

I could just be sensitive. Joan might have found it completely funny. Her humor was crass and bold at times. She always seemed to counter whatever she said with that string of pearls. “I'm still a lady.” As she swung them around. Her stand up was shocking. She mercilessly pointed out the flaws of herself, other celebrities.

It was entertainment. Much like Betty White, Joan has had a resurgeance as of late with spots on Celebrity Apprentice, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best and Fashion Police. She even did a spot on Hot In Cleveland opposite Betty White as her twin sister.

It breaks my heart to remember her. I wasn't alive, then, but she was famously one of Johnny Carson's proteges, even co-hosting The Tonight Show. I have a deep seeded respect for Joan and what she did in her lifetime. She was the first female to head a talk show, similarly titled The Late Show.

Apparently she also had a line of jewelry for QVC, I found this out reading an article on NPR. Be shocked. Be amazed. NPR.

I read a few articles on her actually, and I fell in love with Joan all over again. She's such an easy woman to admire. Her ability to stand up to men, and to be a true nip and tucked force. I love Joan Rivers. Please love her and think about her if only for today. Do it in memory of a wonderful woman. Goodbye, Joan.

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How To Be An Adult

8/21/2014

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As usual, I am completely unaware of something until months after its started. But, Nicole Richie (Notorious party girl, daughter of Lionel Richie) now has a you tube show called Candidly Nicole. It's also on VH1, but I don't have cable. Which, is why I probably didn't know about this earlier. You see whenever, I tell you all how much I love Hot In Cleveland, realize that I am one season behind you. At the moment I still don't know what's going to happen to Emmett and Victoria's relationship after he escaped prison disguised as her, but I am guessing that Alex and Melanie's love is getting rekindled with her pregnancy news. .

"In life we're all going to have to run across a dick to be successful."
-Nicole Richie

I am however obsessed with it. It's the perfect length. Each little clip is maybe five minutes long. She offers life advice on tramp stamp removal, flower arrangements, and first date appropriate outfits. I think it's hysterically funny. One of the guest stars in particular kills it. You may know who he is. RuPaul. Drag superstar. Things like this have made me learn to love Nicole over the years.

When, she first started on the Simple Life I was not feeling her. I did not like her. She was trouble, she was rude, and she was avert your eyes funny. Now, I always loved Paris, and because of that by season three of the Simple Life I loved their friendship. I ship their friendship so hard to this day. By the time the fourth season rolled around I adored Nicole.

Me At Work

But, just like with Paris, I like mature Nicole better. I enjoyed their antics, but mature, adult Nicole is a necessary transition. That is what we get to see in Candidly Nicole. I love every single webisode. Of course I'm also only on episode 9. I would have marothoned this bitch for you, but the internet stopped working. I said screw this, I don't need to watch all 20 to get the gist of this show. I understand the concept and I can write about. This also isn't the internet company's fault. My family steals our wireless from the neighbors, so it doesn't always work. My cellphone, if you want to call it that is also a flip phone. If you met me, you would be so surprised that I of all people am doing a blog.

Or that I have tumblr. Which, I might add is how I found out about this vlog. I saw all these gifs of this show, and I was like I like this show.

Also, I did not do my research as well as I should have for an article I did for you entitled “Come Alive”. It was over Paris Hilton's latest release as a musician. In it I said something about how Nicole Richie wasn't singing. That is not true. In episode 19 (I think) of Candidly Nicole she is in the studio writing a song called “Stunnah” for a mixtape entitled Nikki Rich. Yes, I did start with episode 19 instead of the first one. Your judgmental eyes need to watch the video. And, this has been fun.

My favorite episode now that I've binged watched:

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Gay For Play

Getting Pitch Slapped (Again)

Whips And Chains

Into Annie

The Woman With The Pearls

How To Be An Adult

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