How Not To Conquer Twitter: A Guide

I just don't understand twitter. I feel comfortable saying that, because at this point you know me. I don't understand technology. For some reason I have firmly grasped the concept of tumblr, maybe not well, but I got this. Steadily growing in the followers occasionally posting something that gets twenty notes in an hour. You know doing good.

But, twitter. I just don't get it. I don't understand it at all. Anyone out there who is twitter famous. Go you. I bow down. Queen. 

Me, over here it is not happening. I just don't comprehend social media. It's one reason this blog doesn't have a facebook. No one uses it anyway, and facebook informed me that my name isn't actually Bubbles Utonium. What a bold faced lie. Of course I'm Bubbles.

So, needless to say. That just didn't happen. I guess the reason I care about twitter is because it's such an outward reflection of like your position in social media. It clearly states how many you follow and how many follow you.

It is vain of me to want more twitter followers to let people know that people read my blog. Granted, I blog about myself and me and the things I like. So, this really shouldn't surprise any of you. I also want more twitter followers, then my former blogmates. Because, I'm a pathetic bitch. I accept this.

For a while there I just followed anyone and everyone I wanted on twitter, then I realized my follower count was 16, and me over here was following 91 celebrities.

One of my problems is that I don't follow back. If your twitter does not interest me I am not following you. I will not hunt people out, just so they will follow me. I'm sorry. There are a few people on twitter I have followed back. I'm just like you seem cool. Maybe a little basic, but your blonde, I'm blonde. We can get along.

Needless to say that ended. I made a hard 80 cuts from my twitter roster. It hurt me. It hurt the people I was closest to, but it had to happen. And magically that day I gained two followers.

I thought it was magical. I had finally done something right. This plateaued. Then, I started hashtagging like crazy, and that's where I am today. I use hashtags that don't make sense, and know I have 30 followers. Give or take the few on the fence followers.

People on twitter or so finicky. They will just unfollow you. These five Lady Gaga twitters unfollowed me when I mentioned my article on Madonna. It took less then an hour. I wanted to tell them to calm down. You can like Madonna and Gaga as I do. They are not on opposing sides of the world.

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My newest scheme has been to post screenshots (because, I don't know how to embed) tweets on tumblr. I don't know how successful this is campaign is going, probably because I'm not a funny person naturally, but we shall see.

Someone actually did come for little old me on twitter, though. Yes. You better believe it I got in my first twitter feud. Only I didn't respond back directly.

I said:

And, this person decided to reply:

Now, I decided to be the stronger person and tweet out my stance on Miss Azaelia Banks without confronting this person who needs to calm down.

Like honestly none of this surprises me. The reason Azaelia Banks isn't famous yet is because the woman is burning bridges she hasn't built yet. And, her fans are the same way. Calm yourself. If I responded to everyone who attacked Madonna. I would waste my day. Fact of the matter is Azaelia Banks is irrelevant. And, you know what. I like her music, I really do. But, her attitude needs to sashay away. I don't know if I would buy Broke With Expensive Taste when it finally comes out.

Buying an album means your invested in a brand, and I don't want to invest in this brand. The woman's talented, though. Can't deny that. 

I hope this helped you avoid my pitfalls on social media. I'm sure you'll find your own. But, make it to the top. I'll be struggling through all of them until twitter is replaced with the newest social media. 

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