Hoe Don't Do It

Something has happened recently. Or I have been informed of something that might happen recently. I just don't know how I feel about it. At all.

A few weeks ago I did a Tasty Tuesday article entitled “Home Alone”. I was left at home all by myself in the great form of Eric Carmen, because my parents went up to see my great Aunt. She is a sweet lovely woman. She is eighty-four years old. I love her.

However, she has made the recent decision that she cannot live by herself anymore and that she is going to move in with us. This happens every year. My aunt wants to move in with us, my mother wants her to move in with us.

I just don't know.

My great Aunt is a wonderful woman. However, her music tastes are stuck somewhere between polka and the sixties. This is the woman who thinks Bette Midler is too progressive. I love all types of music. I jam to Patsy Cline as I talked about in a Throwback Thursday. I am not planning on stopping my jam sessions with anyone who released music after 1970 for anyone. I just can't.

The bedroom my Aunt is going to be staying in is also the room right below mine. She will be hearing my sexually explicit Gaga and Kanye rapping about how he is a good. This is a good Catholic woman. She is not going to like this.

If she moves in this is all going to mean my mother is not going to be gone for a month this summer. I love my mother, but I enjoy my breaks. My father travels a lot during the summer and I don't give a fuck. He can stay gone. He made me so upset. We got into a fight and he told me he hoped “I faced real discrimination in my life”. In what context is that acceptable I am not sure, but he's acting like everything is okay. Everything is not okay bitch. Everything is not okay. Who says that to their child.

My aunt moving in also means that I will never truly be home alone, which is okay. I never threw a wild crazy, drug in fueled party, while my parents were away and I feel like I've missed an opportunity in my life. To be fair I would be down with people drinking, but they would not be driving home. It would basically be one big slumber party. Drugs would not be a part of the equation.

The parents are actually traveling without me next week, so I might just do something wild except not really. I'm basically a good child at heart. At least I try to be. I don't know why I try. I am the family disappointment after all. I might as well snort cocaine, except not because cocaine is expensive. And, I'm also a cheap ass bitch and I don't have the time or money to be buying illicit drugs. I'm trying to look good when I'm 40 without shooting my face up with collagen.

I just don't know. My aunt also likes me, but that's because she doesn't see me very often. I think if she knew more about the real me, she would probably pray for my soul. It's a good thing that she can't climb stairs. If she lives with me she will find out and freak out about my hair color, the clothes I wear.

My hair is also this really pretty powdery pink, because who knew that pink goes hard as fuck in your hair. I dyed my hair dark pink in January. Three months later and it is still pink. This is a problem. I am trying to bleach it out and it is not coming out. I would really like a different color. I feel like I look like a pink haired version of Betty Who right now. That's probably inaccurate.

In more exciting news, something is coming. My birthday is coming up at the end of April and I plan on doing something for the blog. I don't know if you'll like it, but I'm going to try something new.