It was an eventful span of three days for me. I hurt my neck. I woke up and I was in so much pain. I'm guessing it was a result of all my headbanging to Avril Lavigne, but no one knows for sure. Still, my mother's car was broken, so she wanted to hang out and who better to drive her around then her favorite live in child? We went to this coffee shop downtown. It was very good and I even parallel parked on a busy street. I'm amazing. My neck was not feeling my usual exorcist mentality, but still I persevered and took that parking spot like the blonde bitch I am. |
Three (four? six?) days later I ran my car battery down at work. Now I know how to jump a car, I have run my battery down many times before. I even had the assistance of Sacajawea. You know your best friends when someone willingly get's their extensions wet to help you jumpstart your car. It was thundering and dark outside, so we may have required the assistance of everyone's favorite country boy, but besides that we are strong independent individuals. Basically.
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Raven wrote a letter to her favorite professor and in return she was entered to win tickets. Together we won. All my single friends are jealous of our friendship to be honest.
The next day I got all dressed up. Decked up in my retro seventies pantsuit and a 4.5 inch gladiator wedges. My hair is fixed. I even managed to throw on some cologne. I looked beautiful and over exaggerated as usual with my flared and tapered white linen dress pants.
We were three rows back. I thought I would hate the ballet. I'm sitting there, still expecting dialogue for some point, when Cinderella comes out. We have the wicked step sisters, who by far are the best part of the show, and the wicked step mother. By the time the first curtain draws a continuous stream of classical music was hammered home and not a single word was spoken.
We were also going to see my grandfather and great aunt who is dying of cancer. It was all high points and family reunion.
Saw the brother in law. He probably low key hates me. I was a bitch. A teenager with an attitude problem the last time we talked. I think their children are wonderful. My sister and I bonded. The children had so much energy and I was obsessed with them. They were cute and tiny and anyway I want children someday. Certainly not right now, because I’m still way too selfish and self-absorbed to take care of a child by myself. But someday.
A highlight of the trip was going out drinking with my mother. I stayed sober. My sister and mother did not. We had a tattooed waiter who told us we were pretty. We said “cunt” and “fuck”. He said “shit”. It was a wonderful and professional night. We even went to this hick bar where they sang the unclean version of “Forget You” at karaoke.
And, I stole a gorgeous fake fur coat. Its floor length and I’m going to tell everyone its mink. But, I was charitable and I stole a matching one for my sister. That’s what true family is. Robbing for one another. It may be April, but I’m still lounging around in a shroud of fake fur with nothing underneath but my dignity and pajamas.
There's a song by Marina and the Diamonds called “How To Be A Heartbreaker”. The goal of this post is not as ambitious as that song, nor does it feature a slew of shirtless men (although it should). Instead it's a bitter diatribe of a college student writing after midnight.
I was just trying to sleep, unable to focus on anything appropriate and I was just thinking about how you should be treated.
2. Never date someone who is significantly older then you when your older. I think it's one of the worst ways to set yourself up for emotional manipulation.
3. Lastly do not spend time with people who do not make time for you or/and invalidate how you feel.
For someone who is not in a relationship, I've been dealing with a lot of emotional pain, and it's been stressing me the fuck out. Their problems are my problems.
There's only one couple I spend time with and their doing well. I think. They make me want to believe that love is possible and you just have to find the right person. A tall beautiful intelligent girl or a short dumb stumpy boy. Whoever she or he may be. They are out there. Just waiting for someone to write poetry about.
One couple I'm close to both told me their problems and they spent the better part of two weeks crying and not talking to one another. At one point they settled on being “just friends”, but they'd fucked each other one too many times to do that.
Their also planning on moving in together. I told them I thought that was fantastic, because I'm full of shit. I'm disenfranchised with their love. They almost ended it in December. March. And, who knows maybe they'll end up together and become happily divorced.
All I know is that as far as I'm concerned is that their love is dead. And, no matter how “mature” a high schooler may be, you should never date one if your in college. There will always be that power dynamic and it's not healthy and it's not appropriate. And, someone will abuse it even if that was never their intention.
One group of friends I just don’t know how I feel. I want them in my life and I don’t at the same time. I care and I don’t. I’m still low key hurt, but actually really high key. I think it’s part of me not dealing with my emotions very well.
Sacajawea said to me that she doesn’t like spending time with me, because I’m so negative. I guess that wasn’t supposed to hurt my feelings. I only have three, but it hurt all of them. If I was texting this I would have added lol.
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Liebster Award Guidelines:
3. Who is/are your style icon(s)?
Princess Diana. She was always very sophisticated and put together. I even liked it when she dressed matronly. It might not reflect in how I present myself, but she always there. I'm more hopelessly devoted to that Shannen Doherty/Alicia Silverstone look. I love tweed and shoulder pads.
4. Which decade is your favorite? If possible, would you go back in time and live through it as you are now?
My favorite decade is the seventies. I've always loved the chill vibes of the music and of course disco. I could have lived through Olivia Newton John's heyday and seen Charlies Angels live on TV, but no part of me would actually want to go back and grow up through it.
7. What was your last birthday like? Did you get presents? Did you do anything to celebrate?
This is going to sound horrible, but my last birthday I spent the day at home, alone. My grandmother passed away a few days before, so my parents went to her funeral. I didn't get any presents and I didn't go out and celebrate, but it was honestly one of my favorite birthdays. It was very relaxed and peaceful
10. Have you ever been fired from a job? If so, why?
I haven't been fired from a job... yet. 11. What was the last blog post that made you smile and why? It would have to be one of Nick Tredrea's. He hasn't been posting for a while, but he's always wild. His blog is so much fun, I can't wait for him to return.
10. I am a nineteen year old middle class American and I still don't have a cellphone and my family didn't get internet until a month before I started college.
11. I have very few talents, but I happen to be quite adept at balancing trays on my head.
This has been so much fun! Thanks to Cherie Cheezcake for being the best and nominating me for this!
I also saw a dress made entirely out of condoms. If that is not the solitary event that completes your life, I don't know what is.
As usual we saw a slew of drag queens. One had on crocs. Heels are a bitch, but we need to have higher standards then that. One bitch didn't blend. I get it. We're painting for the back of the room, but she was painting for the aliens drinking the water on Mars.
One of our President's old friends comes over and they talk about their exes. His friend dated a 48 year old and he's only six months older then my 21 year old president. Hey, Lolita. Hey.
First off. My heel breaks on the way over. Parking is horrendous and we have to walk about a mile to get there. We have to walk back to my car to get another pair of shoes. The only ones I have is my ratty work shoes. Joyce says I looked grunge. That's a nice way of putting it.
You know Joyce and I went to a music festival together and that went okay. This however was intense with no real benefit. Although, I did get a lot of pamphlets from the Planned Parenthood booth. I know how to have safe oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex. I got you covered.
Alternatively, I might move into a nice apartment in some major city and make quick excursions out into the public sphere once in a while instead. School's been a struggle. The most painful part is talking to people. Human contact has just not been going great.
It was almost 11 weeks that our friendship had gone unsustained over the summer when she finally said that we should go to church. That is our aesthetic. We go to church. I hadn't been to church in so long that I was practically an atheist.
We caught up on everything. How me and this nice Christian girl bonded over glass dildos. As Sacajawea said “why does she have to be Christian?”
Sacajawea was also glad that I dressed “normally”. I had considered throwing on my jersey with the number 69 emblazoned on it, but I decided in my final moments not to. Recently, someone said to me that they dress in a way “that respects their school.” It was very clear that the implication was that I'm the whore of Babylon who doesn't respect anything.
I suppose she wasn't wrong.
In other news Sacajawea and I have rekindled our friendship. We'll finally be the good Christian's we were meant to be. |
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