My Place of Business

My job is boring if we're being really honest. I enjoy my minimum wage job. It's not the most glamorous thing on this earth, but it pays for my not so luxurious lifestyle. For the most part I enjoy the people I work with. They are a mess. The collective group of people I work with could only be assembled at a no skills required place of employment.

I go to school with one of my coworkers. And, what's so funny is I never told him we went to the same school. I was at school doing my thing one day when he ran into me and he seriously asked me what I was doing there. And, I was just like I go here? He's honestly my favorite. Everyone loves him. Now, his brother not so much.

His brother is just a lot of something. I don't mind working with him, but he's got too much going on. Rumor has it that he dated one of my male coworkers who looks like a cross between neo-nazi and a naked mole rat. Now, I might have started that. At this point I'm really not sure. But, his girlfriend does not like the neo-nazi and his brother told me that some personal things happened between them that he doesn't like him. Now, I'm not saying that means anything. BUT.

Both of this boys respective ex boyfriend and current girlfriend are weird as fuck. I don't like either of them. They make my skin crawl. The funny thing about his girlfriend is how unbridled my aggression is towards her. It's not even shade anymore. It's you literally suck at your job and you are pathetic. She comes into work late and she can't even pay her rent. Her hours got cut recently and I laughed. On the floor, fucking died. Am I terrible person, yes. Do I care? No, because I don't like her.

A few months ago my least favorite coworker quit. She was such a liar. All she did was lie. She has told me that she is attracted to personality, that she could never have sex with a girl, is bisexual, wants to give one of my coworkers a blow job all over the course of 3 weeks. She was also so loud and apparently her mother is dying. She works at McDonald's now. Let me tell you, it's not a step up for her. This girl even told one of my managers that I violently pushed into something. No one believed her. I will throw shade, I will give you side eyed, but I am weak ass bitch. I am not getting into a physical fight with someone. It would have been more believable if she said that I called her “a fucking bitch”. If my manager had come to me with that. I would have been like tru.

I talked about this a few months ago during the 12 Days of Bubbles, but one of my now delinquent coworkers had a sex tape. She was fingering herself and everyone at work saw it. Everyone at her school saw it. It was a mess.  

There are multiple people I work with that have wanted to pursue music careers. One dropped a mixtape. He's in jail now. Tried robbing someone with a water gun apparently. The other one just got out of high school and he's not cute enough to be the next Shawn Mendes. And, he sings all the fucking time at work. In this high pitched falsetto that you can tell he's trying, but that it's not good. I'm like stop.  

There's this one girl who's very heroin addict chic. Her baby daddy is in prison. She keeps telling us he's a good man, and I'm like but he's in prison. Her parents watch her son for her. And, I'm just like your life is fucking mess. She said that all girls are whores and the feminist in me looked at her side eyed. I was like okay huntie. Apparently one of her men cheated on her. This story was more of a mess then I'm telling it. But, let me tell you. It was Lifetime Original Movie tragic.  

My favorite coworker has literally had sex in the back. I'm like oh my god. She's dating this dorky cute guy now and she leaves me early to go spend time with him. I don't know why she doesn't want to be at work. I am more fun then any flaccid dick she is getting with this man. But, I'm not salty about it.

I'm a little salty about it.

Two girls I work with are having intense boy problems. They're both dealing with multiple boys liking them and being jealous and calling them bitches. And, I'm just like this is why you don't date guys with big trucks. I hate their friends and if I'd met them at school I would not have been a fan. But, I love them to death and I want to know why there only ever seems to be one shitty boy in my life. I would enjoy being in a triangle or a trapezoid as some of you are.  

Now this is probably the best. One of my coworkers has had sex with a dog. I want to tell you more and describe said person, but people I work with could read this and they'd be like. And, I'd be like. And, I really like this person even if I'm like how did this happen. I've kept this secret for months now and I'm really not sure how accurate it is. One of the southern belles I worked with told me. I love her to death, but that girl is not one you can just trust with information.  

At the end of the day my coworkers and I are family. I fucking hate them sometimes, but we still spend time together. And, a little part of me would miss them if they got fired.