Frat Boys For Disney

Let me tell you about October.

It is a horrible month. This is the month of Halloween and breast cancer awareness. I am emotionally scarred and at the same time very appreciative of an event I succumbed to. One of the sororities on campus's did a beauty pageant of Disney princesses in order to raise money for Breast Cancer awareness.

Except, they had the fraternities become the princesses.

Now let's start back at the beginning of this week. When the burlesque Jenny Lewis tells me about this wonderful event. Of course I am excited. I don't talk about RuPaul enough, but I am obsessed. I love him. Everyone loves him. He's RuPaul. So, I want to see this drag show.

Of course I am scheduled to work. My employer always seem to insist on ruining my life. Thank you for that. So, I am not able to go to this little charity event. However, my beautiful co-worker agrees to take my shift. Thanks boo.

And, at 6:30 I am there on campus to meet Jenny in the lobbyish area of her dorm building. She is late. To her own building. She walks in after me leaving me there uncomfortably with all these rude boys playing ping pong with Starbucks in her hands. Hello, bitch.

The, event started late. It was supposed to start at 7:00. 7:20 that has not happened. So, Jenny and I are sitting there together. Not really a group, but just sitting there talking.

When this large group of blondes is walking towards us. We know all of them. I am going to be sociable, acknowledge the fact that I know my English class. Who also happen to be the people we spent the weekend with. They refuse to look at us.

They think now that they are part of a sorority that they are popular. No you are not. You have a clique, a group of people your welcome in. That does not give you any room to ignore two people. If they think that won't be on the back of my mind every time they ask for something. They are very mistaken. Rude.

Of course the very gay boy from our English class also ignored us and he sat on the same row as us. Along with a small group of straight boys. I don't know how he managed that. Kudos to you. With, him it doesn't surprise me that he didn't wave or say hello. He is 'popular'. People think he's so funny. He isn't. To me. He just makes me uncomfortable. So, I am fine with him choosing not to acknowledge to the sexiest people in the room.

The show starts with a choreographed dance. These frat boys were not prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for this. It was horrible.

The swimsuit competition was worse. Considerably worse. I didn't expect this to be part of the night. At all. I already knew they weren't attractive. This did not help anything. This is also where they finally introduce who all of the princesses are. There was so much cultural appropriation going on. Mulan was black. Tiana from The Princess and the Frog was white as hell. Snow White or someone like that was black. It was just rough all the way around. In a hundred years, I need video of this never to be found.

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Some of the boys also kept their beards. They had to sign up for this by the way, so they weren't forced into it. Own your role. Shave your beard. You are not Conchita Wurst. This is not cute. A lot of them were not that outgoing. Something about putting a boy in a dress makes them uncomfortable. I don't know why.  

The talent part of the competition was rough. Some tried singing. Some tried a little dancing. One boy DJ'd. Cringing. Mulan was great. Apparently he did martial arts and he went for it. It was a moment of slay Mulan slay. That boy looked a lot like Miss J from America's Next Top Model. I wanted to him to win. He did not.

There was one boy who was Jane from Tarzan and he had this whole skit. It was not funny. It was basically Jane trying to understand football. Others laughed. I did not. The only skit that worked was Cinderella's. She danced, she swept, It was beautiful. She got picked up by Prince Charming.

This is where you knew it was a straight boy. His legs were all open. Slut. Close your legs to married men.

The final portion revolved around a Q&A. They were all themed questions. The boy who played Tinkerbell killed it. He rehearsed, he practiced it, and he nailed it.

Interviewer: What do you like best about Neverland?

Tinkerbell: All, the pretty little boys.

It might have been funnier in person.

The one that got me was Rapunzel. She answered her question in a feminine voice as she did in all other parts of the competition. Then, when asked if she had any facts about breast cancer, he used his regular voice.

It was my math tutor. I didn't recognize him until he dropped his voice. I have been tutored by a drag queen. All of a sudden I wanted him to win.


He did not. Jane did. That cunt. I was not here for it. I did not like Jane. I wanted Mulan. I wanted Rapunzel. But, no because the all male judging panel thought the football skit was funny, she won. That skinny bitch.

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 Rapunzel did get third. It was horrible way to the end the night.

Will I go next year? I don't know. I still need time to recover.