Wax On, Hair Off

I am here to educate you on the wonders of waxing your hair off. I had very hairy legs (had being the key word in this sentence). This kept me from wearing shorts in a hundred degree weather and I said to myself, “I'm fucking done with this”. I didn't feel sexy and I was like it is time to do this for me. 

I bought some shorts from Forever 21. The only clothing store that makes clothes for people without curves. And, of course they were short as fuck. You go hard or you go home. It doesn't matter how skimpy they are when the only difference between outside and hell is the fact that you have a Popsicle, I will slut it up.  

Now I took some advice from Cosmopolitan's article on hair removal. I wish I had the money to pay someone to rip the hair off my body, but tragically my slightly above minimum wage job doesn't support such luxuries when your trying to save money. Cosmo suggested the Sally Hansen Waxing Kit. It was only ten dollars and I said yes.

It was a good price and I would recommend using it. Joyce said she didn't like it, but I'm satisfied with the results. It was spa day for me. I turned on the new Florence and the Machine album How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful and sat down in the kitchen on some ratty towels and waxed away. 

Now the box says a full body kit. One kit waxed one leg. Now mind you this was my first time doing it. I probably used too much wax. Wasted some solid strip space. Regardless I had to go out and buy another kit.

My hair wasn't done, but the outfit was on point. I dropped my check off at the bank. Then, I went out and picked up another one. I run into someone from high school at the checkout line. He tells me he likes my new hair color and I'm like fuck. My hair isn't did. He looked good. I suppose it was nice to catch up with him, but it was a slap in the face to not look on fleek when you go out. Not that I looked terrible.

Then, I said I'll get some gas. Ran into the Miss Sara Bellum's ex boyfriend. I didn't even wave. I got out. Pumped my gas. Opened my Vogue and waited for the pump to click. He's an obnoxious heterosexual male. I'm sure he didn't have time to notice my unkempt hair with me giving the side eye.

Finally got home. This time turned on Flo Rida's album Wild Ones and finished waxing. It's like shaving. You have to be a contortionist to get some of this areas. Behind my knee cap was a struggle. It was completely worth it. I can't lie to you and say it wasn't painful. It wasn't as bad as I expected. You hear horror stories and it wasn't a B-Rated horror flick at worst.

If you can't deal with the pain. Do small areas. Ripping off an entire strip of hair can be a struggle. Cut the strips down in size, so your not taking so much off at once. When I was doing smaller areas. I couldn't even feel it. 

Now if you go with the Sally Hansen kit be forewarned that it's messy to get off. However, if your a poor college student like me, the time it takes to wash it off is most certainly worth it.  

The twins loved it. I went out with them to a Trivia Night (Team name: Bed, Bath, & Beyonce) and I had on these Taylor Swiftesque blue spandex. Their mother said they were not allowed to go out dressed like that. To be fair if I had an ass it would have been hanging out. I looked flawless. My six inch wedges elongated my legs. A man whistled on me. I don't think he knew I wasn't female. So, that's awkward for him. I'm honestly just so glad I got slut shamed. Life goals accomplished.

The next time I wore shorts I was out with Sacajawea at my coworker's birthday celebration. Sacajawea loved my look. She said my shorts were shorter then hers (I swear they were the same length). Her mother wondered what I was wearing and she said with shorts like that she thought it was promiscuous to wear heels.

I didn't think it was the time to tell her about my wardrobe choices. The problem with Sacajawea and I going out in public together is that we both act like were under the influence of something without drinking. No one believed that we were sober the entire time.