It was an eventful span of three days for me. I hurt my neck. I woke up and I was in so much pain. I'm guessing it was a result of all my headbanging to Avril Lavigne, but no one knows for sure. Still, my mother's car was broken, so she wanted to hang out and who better to drive her around then her favorite live in child? We went to this coffee shop downtown. It was very good and I even parallel parked on a busy street. I'm amazing. My neck was not feeling my usual exorcist mentality, but still I persevered and took that parking spot like the blonde bitch I am. |
Three (four? six?) days later I ran my car battery down at work. Now I know how to jump a car, I have run my battery down many times before. I even had the assistance of Sacajawea. You know your best friends when someone willingly get's their extensions wet to help you jumpstart your car. It was thundering and dark outside, so we may have required the assistance of everyone's favorite country boy, but besides that we are strong independent individuals. Basically.
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It's not really my scene. A good night for me is pulling out an Olivia Newton-John vinyl. Watching some Simple Life reruns, maybe write a popping blog article or two. I don't really party.
I've been told by many people that my school has really good parties. Jenny really liked the foam party one of the student organizations hosted. People got really fucked up and Warner went to one of the fraternity glow parties and he said it was amazing.
The list of drugs he's done is extensive. I think the really question is what drugs hasn't he done. In other news the current art project he's working on includes lots of dicks. After all who doesn't like a big dick in the morning. Am I right?
He also smokes. I love the smell of cigarettes, so other then the fact that he's low key going to die young, I think that's sexy. He asked me if I wanted a cigarette just to hold. For a moment I thought I was in The Fault In Our Stars.
August 12th
7:30 am This morning I was getting dressed for the day and I couldn't figure out why I have four more outfits for the next two days. I also have five pairs of shoes for a four day trip, but not even that merciless shower head could beat the answer into me. In other news I sleep deprived myself just enough that I wasn't kept up by the air conditioning unit. Ready for today.
We gave up and settled on our next stop. The Outlet Mall. We got there at 9:30. It didn't open until 10:00. Our options were clear. Find somewhere else to spend our time. Google did not fail us this time. We settled on a coffee shop in St. Charles. It had Picasso in the title. It seemed quaint. I was the only one who got coffee. It was called Black Forrest and was supposed to taste of cherry's. It served it's purpose about as well as Boomer likes modern art (he's not a fan).
We actually bought something. Usually boutique shopping involves a lot of browsing. We did that. But, this store was within three college students price ranges. The twins bought two hand towels. One for their mother and the other for their brother's fiancee. Miss Sara Bellum splurged and bought a good luck token for her dorm room.
A gallery was opened down the street. The artwork was reasonably priced if you weren't in a dorm room with cinder block walls. There was shoe shop named Gene's that catered to visiting Floridians. Bars and restaurants dotted the street. A club was in one of the buildings. If only we were twenty one.
I never would have thought to stop in St. Charles. Or even thought of it as a destination choice, but it's something I wish I'd been able to see more of. It was picturesque. You could spend a solid day exploring it or trying to get off the roundabout. Which, ever came first.
We were not as successful clothes wise as we might have hoped. We found one thing at Burlington Coat Factory. A pair of shorts for the sexy Sara Bellum. Rainbow was useless. Surprisingly it was Charlotte Russe that we did well. I got two scarves for two dollars each. I couldn't help myself. The twins tried on clothes. Bought clothes. So many I can't remember. Most of my time was spent trying on Boho hats and twerking to Britney Spear's “Pretty Girls” with what little ass I have.
Buy "Pretty Girls"
In a true spot of sophistication. We got takeout from Panda Express and ate our food in the sculpture park under the shade of a beautiful trade. I was in my four inch wedges and I had little idea that the pathways were gravel and so much was off road. The map I have spread out makes little more sense now then it did at the park. We planned on walking one of the three trails. Either the ten minute Whitaker Woods Trail or the twenty five minute Central Pathway. We did a little of all trails and marveled at all the work.
There was a dog house nicer then my room. Portraits by Maude Earl. A British painter famous for her work on dogs. The most reading intensive part of the exhibit revolved around service dogs. It's hard not to be amazed at how capable these animals are.
It had portraits by Liat Yossifor that dealt with the aesthetic of cave painting and the intuitive act of finger painting. Her works were mostly solid white with different textures and only limited use of primary color. One of the works on display was entitled Yellow II.
They were also doing an entire demonstration called the Sanatorium. We were only able to participate in one of the parts available. It was interactive and was supposed to gauge ways to help people achieve group therapy. We wrote down our darkest secrets tied it up with twine and read one of the previous respondents answer.
Mine discussed how lonely they felt even among people they were close to. The curator explained that was normal. It's disturbing how commonplace such an emotion can be.
The other two artists on display were Richard Tuttle and Fred Sandback. I would argue that there were works were minimalist. I would even argue that art might be a strong word for what they were doing.
God, I sound just like Boomer.
11:39 pm
Last night at America's Best Value Inn. My ear buds and I are listening to The 1975. The album not their new song “Medicine”. Found out that Miss Sara Bellum doesn't like them. Like truly doesn't like them. Strongly hates. It surprised me.
Buy "Medicine"
Our dinner consisted of going out scandalously clad. I was scantily covered. The Mayor didn't change. Miss Sara Bellum did. She informed me I looked like a cute lesbian from behind. I asked her if she would date me and she told there couldn't be two lipsticks in the relationship.
We had planned on going to Bailey's Chocolate Bar for dessert. We couldn't find it. @ Google get your life. Instead we drove around downtown St. Louis. This was our first time downtown. We'd avoided it the entire trip just to find out that it's mainly banks and Hard Rock Cafe with an expensive mall. We almost ran over the same man twice, while he was trying to cross the street. There comes a point when it's not all my fault.
In a spat of going hard or going home without google we ended up on the freeway. Picture Dionne in Clueless. That was me.
Our night ended with an intense game of Parcheesi. Nothing like a dice version of Sorry to make you want to punch a best friend in the face. At some point we reverted back to Zero. A trivia based question game that was less competitive with us playing. “Name one of the six states in Australia”. Answer that none of us know this answer.
That's Americans for you.
My music has switched to Lana Del Rey and 11:57 AM seems a good time to end today. Wrapped up in a heather pink infinity loop scarf...
10:22 pm
Driving for multiple hours on end has not left me exhausted. Currently I have two infinity loop scarfs wrapped around my throat and I'm trying not fall asleep. Our trip has finally come to a close. We got dressed in our floral attire. We packed up and cleaned up. We were ready to check out of our hotel. We did that and we made our way to the St. Louis Botanical Gardens. They were amazing.
His bachelor home was amazing. Goals stamped on a house. It turned out he was a writer. For a moment we thought we'd heard of him. We mistakenly mixed his last name with that of British playwright George Bernard Shaw. Similiar but not close.
The most fascinating thing about Henry Shaw was that the died a bachelor. He never married. He never had children. What an interesting thing for a wealthy bachelor. It makes one wonder what he did with his spare time.
Multiple signs informed us that we were not allowed to wade in the lake. I wanted to ask who would do that. Then, I realized if there was a sign that meant someone had done it. Much like the “don't feed the red fox” sign. There must be a story behind that.
This church had me reconsidering my stance on the justice of the peace. I wanted to walk down the aisle with 2,500 of my closest friends while the organ plays and Andre Boccelli sings to me in Italian. I'm afraid I was scantily clad for such a religious place.
There happened to be a tour going on. It was fascinating. The man was much older. He was probably more then disturbed by me. I thought he was funny. He gave quite an enjoyable tour. He pointed out so much of the religious imagery I never would have caught. How the three domes represented the son, the ghost, and the holy spirit. More amazingly how there wasn't a single drop of paint in the church.
We drove in silence. We listened to Katy Perry's One of the Boys. Only the fourth time I've listend to that album all the way through. I forgot how offensive “I Kissed A Girl” and “Your So Gay” are. They may have shock value, but she comes across as a terrible person.
The trip was a success. Our friendship is intact. And, sitting here typing this at 10:55 pm is a far improvement over being at work. The only thing I missed was the dog and he's right here.
Now at my school no one said anything about what I was wearing. This really sweet octogenarian even told me I looked like a model. Praise her. I will take my compliments where I can get them. Of course I locked myself out of my car. Again. This is the third time in the past month. Normally, I'm not that worried. I can just stay on campus until someone can get me a ride. But, that day I had plans. I had to leave. I shamelessly asked five people to help until my favorite English major was like I got you boo.
She loves James Joyce and honestly I judge for it. I appreciate The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man as a literary achievement, but that doesn't mean I like him. So, Joyce helped me out and we bonded. Talked shit about people had a good time. And , then I got in my car to go.
This is a college campus and I am breaking dress code. Apparently, I can be fined for it. I am showing my midriff. Please calm yourself. You also aren't allowed to swear on their campus. What the fuck is that. And, they have a curfew. What kind of regressive nonsense is that. Their campus is beautiful, but let's be real it's not that beautiful.
Probably the most surprising thing was when we went to this Thai food restaurant. It was amazing. The twins are picky eaters. I did not anticipate them picking this place. We shared everything. We got sushi, crab wontons, some not quite amazing beef skewer things, and this hella fancy french fries with like goat cheese on them or something. It was amazing.
And, the waiters. They were all hot. Practically. They all wore all black and we got the second cutest waiter. At one point they all walked out together and it was a fashion show. They strutted. It was amazing. I was ready to whore myself out and the twins were cleavage bearing. But, I was most certainly the whore of the group.
The twins both had wedges on. Shorter then mine, but they also don't wear them every day like I do. They were like we need to find a place to sit down for a moment. During this process I casually ran into this really cute guy, who most certainly objectified me. It's like I appreciate that you enjoy my flat stomach. But, please calm yourself.
He actually stood behind us for part of the show and Miss Sara Bellum pointed him out to me. She certainly knows my taste in men.
Honestly, being surrounded by cute gay men is kind of my thing. There was so much aesthetic going on. There was this drink server. I think they said his name was Clive. He had on a tight pair of jeans and a crop top with “I Woke Up Like This” blazoned across it. He was even doing the Freddie Mercury mustache. I felt his look.
Of course they were obnoxious as fuck. That's fine. They had this female friend, who I thought was really pretty. The twins did not agree. At one point she threatened to throw her drink at this queen who was lip syncing to “Let It Go”. I honestly felt her. This girl's hair was immaculate. It was straight and blonde. There was not an extra ounce fat on her. Her dress was orange and electric. Her heels were high. I appreciated her.
The actual show itself was pretty amazing. There were four other queens with Pearl. They opened by doing a lip sync to “Lady Marmalade”. The one representing P!NK was on fire. Then, this queen named Princess started to dictate the show. She was funny. She had tattoos. She was amazing. Honestly, what she did is what I wish Pearl had done. At the end of the show I felt like I got to know Princess better then Pearl. All of Princess's lip sync's were on point. Her final one was a mash up of Lily Allen's “Fuck You”, Big Sean's “I Don't Fuck With You”, and Cee Lo Green's “Fuck You”. They all had the corresponding theme of fuck to prove how ladylike she was.
They were more disappointed then I was about not getting the picture. Knowing me I would have looked awkward as fuck and then I would have felt obligated to put it in this blog post. That just wouldn't have worked.
We did struggle to actually get back to their dorms. It doesn't matter that they've lived here for a year at this point. They had no idea how to get home. Do not rely on a GPS to the point where you can't function without it.
My drive home was great. It rained the whole way. But, I had turn up music on the whole time. That Rihanna. That Madonna. That Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. Shout out to them for aiding in my hearing loss. I got home and my parents asked me how the concert was and until that moment I had totally forgot that I told them I was seeing Walk The Moon instead of a drag queen at a gay bar.
My turn up playlist.
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