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The holiday season has finally wrapped up. I for one am happy. The only good part about Christmas is having RuPaul's Christmas album on repeat. Something that I do in June anyway. People mention “hot chocolate” and “snow”. These are not specific Christmas. The only thing specific to Christmas is midnight mass and I would rather be asleep.
So, picture it. I'm having a great time playing Dirty Santa. I was a great person. I brought two gifts. One was a half eaten box of candy corn, the other was a pair of baby wedges. That my sister said her daughter was “too young for”. There is never a time you are too young to be fashionable. My gift was well received by the masses. All were disappointed when they found they couldn't shove their foot inside them. Black was horrified when it was revealed that her gift was a box of half eaten candy corn. She forgot to bring her own and I kindly acquiesced. It was also wrapped in a trash bag. Black also informed me that her name on the blog was “unoriginal”. Stay updated in case there is a change in name, now that an official complaint has been lodged. |
You are probably asking what I won. At first it was a box of tissue and a copy of 25. Then, my favorite Prince William manipulated someone into stealing his gift, so he could rob me. I have never felt more violated in my life. It ended all right, though. I ended up a sweater and two scarf hangers richer.
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Of course I switched into the sweater. Tacky Christmas sweater have their place and two hours in one was enough for me.
After our school function. Prince William invited me and Black to spend the better part of the night with his boyfriend Prince Harry. Black rode with Prince William, because I drove too slow. It was fine, though. It gave me and Prince Harry a chance to bond and catch up with one another. Prince William and Prince Harry are my favorite couple I adore them. They are the better part of my social life, so when and if they ever break up my life will be ruined. |
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The night was very low key. I lost at all incarnations of Mario. Super Mario Smash Bros. Mario Kart 8. It seemed no matter what I did, I was not destined to be good at these games. And, it's fine. I personally enjoy losing every single time.
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We stayed up until about 1:30 in the morning doing this and I promise I was not mad. At. All. But, honestly fuck them. I was so mad.
At this point Black and I decided we should go home. She had to be picked up from school by her father. At 2:00 in the morning. Personally that would be a strong case for me to teach my daughter to drive. |
I get home. Unlock the door. The dog has a jingle bell collar on. He looks cute and my father for some reason is awake. He asks me where I got the sweater from. I look down at it. Thinking that my tacky Christmas sweater is in the car when I tell him that I got it from Prince William.
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