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Last time we talked, not shit was happening. I was in bed typing to you talking about my life, trying to make something up to be vaguely coherent and interesting. I hope it worked.
Recently, my life has been low key falling apart, but in a cute attractive way. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I have holes in my work shoes and the heel is falling out, but that's just a small problem in my sea of mess ups. |
One good thing that's happened to me is that I found a pair of shorts that make it look like my inverse concave ass has a shape. Taylor Swift Booty 2.0. It's sexy as hell. Tight and fitted. Some have called me a slut and their not wrong. My mother called them “tailored”. That was kind of her.
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I ditched my mother on Friday to spend time with a dear friend of mine. My mother wasn't pleased, but when your life is falling apart as much as ours is, sometimes you have to see each other to talk it out. We got slushies and got stuck in traffic.
I didn't get a slushy. I wasn't eating. It was a very stressful week and I kept throwing up. I'm eating goldfish right now, completely unstressed. I lost two pounds and so far I haven't gained it back. Yeah!!!!!!! Your blonde, skinny, queen of the internet, is even skinnier. Summer body here I come. |
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Unfortunately, I didn't lose three pounds like my icon Regina George. Granted she never did either. I mention her, because I'm a super cool person with fun things to do, and I went to a Mean Girls trivia.
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There I ran into one of my frenemies. We're not really enemies. I like him a lot and he's fun. The problem is that everyone likes him better then me and I'm a competitive gay and I always win. As Miss Sara Bellum said to me when we left, “he's a lot funnier then I expected.” Fuck you too bitch. What team are you playing for.
We all played as a team together. It was a lot of fun. Miss Sara Bellum got to meet one of the most photogenic people at my school and I got to spend two hours pretending like I knew one of the answers. |
One of his friends was gorgeous in a geek boy kind of way. He had a perfect moon face and virgin skin. Miss Sara Bellum's type. I told her I would ask for his number for her. She told me that wasn't necessary. As if either of us are getting any younger.
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The next day I realized I was famous. I was out shopping at Target as one does and this woman came up to me and asked if I was friends with my frenemy. I told her I was. Clearly, he's obsessed with me and talks about me all the time lol. But, who isn't.
I actually sent that text to someone and their reply back to me was “why are you texting me so much?” So, apparently we're not best friends. |
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By Monday, my celebrity high was over. And, I went to see a movie with my mother. It was called Love & Friendship. We both loved it. After all what's not to love about a Jane Austen remake. I am Lady Susan after all.
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