Cosmic ReArrangements

Some explanation needed to be made about my departure from my former blog. It was about not feeling equal to Buttercup and Blossom, but there was so much more to it then that. I honestly don't think I would have left if something personal hadn't happened between me and Buttercup.

It got blown out of proportions. It should have never gotten to the point where we would never talk to each other again. I was having my graduation party. I'm a year younger then both of them, so I was still in High School when we started this blog.

I was on the phone with Buttercup and she asked me who had I invited, and I told her. One of the girls I had asked, Buttercup had met before. Very briefly. We ran into her in public, I said hello, we talked a little, and we moved on. Afterwards Buttercup went off about how rude she was, because of a look she gave her.

I didn't see this look, but it happened.

She said, “I'm going to shove pencils down her throat.” (Although, she told me what she said was “It's not as if I'm going to shove pencils down her throat”, and honestly at this point it doesn't matter which one was said). This was unnecessarily graphic and violent, and needless to say it really upset me. I considered not mentioning it to Buttercup and just moving on. But, it really upset me, I couldn't just not tell her how I felt. We had been friends for four years, I called her every week. She was my best friend. I loved this girl and I didn't want to hold resentment against her for something like this.

So, that Saturday when I picked her up, we talked a little, the Bruno Mars concert the night before, computer issues that left her unable to write her Snapshot Saturday. That's when I made a very big mistake. I tried to light heartedly, but still firmly tell her, “There's not going to be any physical violence today, just so you know.”

---

Buttercup blew up. She said so many nasty things to me as I drove. The only thing I got in was calling her a “Damn little bitch.” It got worse, and I was truly impressed by how many different variations of the word “fuck” she could use.

We, then proceeded to spend most of the day together, pretending everything was fine, and we never talked again. I tried hugging her when she left just to see where we stood, and she ignored it. That gave me a very clear answer.

Maybe after this point we still could have remained friends, but we wrote a blog together, and every post hurt me. Look what Blossom and I are doing, without you. I just had to stop reading her articles. I'm sure she never started reading mine.

I hadn't spoken to her in two weeks at this point and I get on twitter after staying until close at work, and I see this tweet.

Someone is about to be excommunicated...

I texted Blossom even though it was past midnight to ask her if she tweeted it. She said she hadn't. That meant Buttercup had. You see Buttercup never got on our social media. Ever. It was always me and Blossom tweeting, getting on instagram. So, I knew Buttercup posted this for a reason.

That's when I did the thing I'm most ashamed of in this whole melodrama, was I gave her the satisfaction of responding. Except I didn't do it in a passive aggressive way. It was cut and dry. I called her out for everything I was upset about, I went to town. My favorite tweet I sent was:

Let me bow down to you.
Oh, right. You're not fucking Beyonce.

At two in the morning this gave me great satisfaction. At ten the next day, not so much. I would have deleted every single one of them, except above all of my rant, there was one new tweet, and I knew Buttercup and Blossom had already seen it. It was too late.

It was then I was informed that it was just a quote from Gossip Girl. And, it really was, I heard it with my own ears. But, that changes nothing. I know Buttercup did it to hurt me. If she didn't. She knew the implications of what it meant, and she was just being a dumb bitch who wasn't thinking.

A few days passed, until I got an e-mail. Buttercup wanted to fix our relationship. She felt the only way we could communicate was through e-mail. I agreed with her. I read everything she said, and it gave me her perspective, and it made me understand where she was coming from. Writing my e-mail back to her was one of the most cathartic things I've done. I felt calm. I felt we were going to be all right. It was wonderful. We both understood each other now.

I assumed we would need a few more e-mails back and forth to solidify the relationship, but I never expected the e-mail I got back. It was longer then the first one, and it had more complaints. But, this time I couldn't forgive her. It came off as petty. Almost as if it was a power move. I read it and she went beyond what happened that day, to attacking our friendship at the core.

Everything she said in that car, I can forgive her for. But, what she said to me in a cold calculated e-mail, something she had every chance to make perfect, I can't forgive. I can't understand why she wanted to be friends with me. That's what I got from that e-mail, “You have been a shitty friend from day one, and I'm not sure why I bother with you.”

---

At that point, I would have taken Wendy William's advice and dropped her, but we still had the blog. I wanted things to be right with us, but never see her again. So, I replied back apologized for everything, and two weeks later I still hadn't gotten a response.

I don't know if she never got that e-mail or if she read it, was fine with me, and wanted me to grovel for our friendship back. I don't know what happened. It also doesn't matter, because I don't think she'll ever want to be my friend again.

I didn't leave our blog nearly as pretty as it may have sounded.

Everything ended last week when Blossom asked me if I was free for a meeting at Barnes & Nobles at 3:00. I knew this meant Buttercup would be there, but I agreed. Recently, Buttercup had become very lax in her posting, I believe she'd missed three in the past month. Mind you we only posted once a week. She missed a lot. Then, Blossom was having technical troubles and she missed one. It just didn't look good for We Wear Pink. We needed a meeting.I wasn't looking forward to it. I can't pretend I was. But, when I got a text from Blossom to check my e-mail and print it off. I knew I wasn't going.

The e-mail she sent me was of a contract to sign regarding the blog. I agreed with everything she put in it. Limit swearing, personal drama shouldn't play out on our social media. Nothing that shocking. But at the bottom of this contract were three signature spots and two of them said “Founder” and the third one said “Co-Writer”.

---

I had been relegated to co-writer. I helped come up with the name of the blog. I brainstormed daily categories for the blog. What do you mean I was a “co-writer”. Mind, you I was the last person to join, but the blog had not even been created at this point. Blossom and Buttercup decided they needed a third person.

Therefore, I am fine not having as much power as the two of them. I don't deserve it. But, I didn't like my title. I should have at least been a “writer” instead of a “co-writer”. Like I was just some odd person in a thousand who wrote for us.

I told Blossom, I wouldn't be at a meeting where I have no power. She said we all had equal say, but that her and Buttercup were the founders.

Bullshit. I call bullshit on that. If we all have equal power, I deserve the same title. I'm one of the three main powerpuff girls for god's sakes. I wasn't Miss Sara Bellum. I was Bubbles. I should have been important.

Then, she tells me, you don't even know why we picked our domain, you don't know our reasons for picking so many things with our blog.

I took a moment and I realized she was right. I don't know any of those reasons. I really am not a founder the way you two are. Then, she once again says we have equal power, and I was like bye.

Same Power = Same Title

I didn't go to the meeting, I stayed home and watched the James Bond movie Die Another Day. But, I kept thinking. And, I realized I needed to get away from Buttercup completely. I couldn't be associated with that blog any longer. So, that night I wrote my last article, saved the draft, and quietly resigned.

There was one thing I wanted from them, though. I had run their Tumblr. I can't remember a time when either one of them posted something on it. I loved my Tumblr. And, I probably would have just started my own, except two of my favorite blogs RuPaulKnowsEverything and AmenMadonna had started following me.

So, this is where I got really basic. I changed the password, and e-mail to our Tumblr so it was no longer associated with my former blog. I even changed the tumblr URL to bubblerighted.tumblr.com.

Mind, you I didn't except them to find out about all of this as quickly as they did. Because, I finished my last article at about midnight. I changed the tumblr at about two. I wanted time to make sure that this is what I really wanted.

But, that morning, I got a very pleasant text from Blossom saying “She was sad I was leaving, but they had chosen to take the blog in a different direction.”

This is where I should have told her that I'd taken the Tumblr. But, I didn't. 

I was shocked that she'd already read my rough draft. I wasn't prepared for this. And, as much as I would have loved to remain friends with Blossom, I knew without things being all right with Buttercup we couldn't be.  

Shockingly enough, I underestimated that she ever got on Tumblr. Because, when I got home that night I had a string of angry text messages saying that I had disrespected her and that she couldn't believe I'd stolen the Tumblr. I can't say she was wrong, and some day I could regret how I ended things. But, sometimes you become more in love with the memories of someone, then the person standing right in front of you. And, that has become true of that part in my life.