Category: Lopez

Jennnifer Lopez Teams Up With Giuseppe

8/26/2016

Jennifer Lopez is not content to stay nestled in the suburban middle class of Kohl's with her new capsule collection for Giuseppe Zanotti. The new collection is expected to launch January, 2017 with two new bags and a few pairs of shoes ranging from $795-$1,995.

A capsule collection to the uninitiated was an idea put forth by Donna Karan. It offers a limited amount of clothing that puts all the focus on “essential” pieces.

The new collaboration is called Giuseppe for Jennifer Lopez. It's touchingly original in name. Jennifer is sure to be in good hands after a pairing up Giuseppe did with Beyonce last year. The as yet unfinished product is roughly described to include wedge sneakers (a personal guilty pleasure), gladiators, and leather handbags.

The new accessories are sure to be tasteful. Jennifer has assured us that they are “bad ass” and they have “sparkle” and as long as their covered in Savorski crystals I certainly won't be complaining.

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Ain't Your Mama

4/29/2016

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There are only two babies that can call Jennifer Lopez momma and that’s Max and Emme.

A Media Monday article written a few weeks addressed the rumor that there was new J. Lo music on the horizon. You can read that here. It outlined the possibility of 2016 being the year of J. Lo and with the series renewal of Shades of Blue and her fantastic run in Vegas, it seems like anything could happen.

News about new music from Jennifer Lopez has been hush hush. She recently signed back to Epic records. Her home away from home and where she had the majority of her nine, top 10 hits. LA Reid was the musical powerhouse behind her change. He not only judged on X-Factor, but is also one of the most important men in music bolstering the careers of both Paula Abdul and P!NK.

Rumors were swirling regarding the type of music Jennifer Lopez was creating. Now we finally have our answer.

It’s brash and sexy and defies the expectations we have of a 46 year old mother of twins. She’s full force on the chorus. It’s exciting new music from Jennifer Lopez, arguably one of the most important Latin artist of the 21st century.

“Ain’t Your Mama” is a declarative cry of a woman who is not past her prime.

She premiered the new song in a brief clip of fun, easy, breezy, waves of anticipation. Two days later she murdered us on the stage of American Idol. The same stage that relaunched her in the music world when “On The Floor” took over mainstream radio and the world.

There’s no news yet on when the new album is coming out, if it is. Her last album A.K.A. went through multiple style changes, before it finally got it’s release. We’ll see if “Ain’t Your Mama” gets her back to the top of the charts.

The new song does seem to end the rumors of a supposed Christmas album or an album entirely in Spanish. Although, the year is young and never say never. In 2007 she released two albums barely months apart. And, the new Jennifer Lopez creation could always be bilingual ala Enrique Iglesias and Shakira. That would also be a return to form as we haven’t had a smattering of Spanish her music since her eponymously titled multiplatinum blockbuster J.Lo.

The cover art scintillates as it should. We have some good beachy hair. Curls and all. A look she’s been rocking recently. It’s classic black and white. All chromatic. That hat screams Martha Vineyards realness and I live.

The music video has yet to be released, but my expectations are high. I want heels and abs and ass. The trademarks of any Jennifer Lopez video.

This blog will sure to keep you up to date with all Jennifer Lopez going ons. The Queen of the Bronx is come to take over the world.

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The "Real" Housewives of Beverly Hills

2/19/2016

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Reality TV is always an obsession. I have indulged in The Simple Life and RuPaul’s Drag Race and the belated America’s Next Top Model.
I’ve never been one for the Real Housewives franchise and no I don’t know where Potamac is.

Nene Leakes is a cultural staple and of course I followed Theresa Giudice’s imprisonment. I’m sure her house arrest is amazing without the alcohol and who can forget when she flipped over a table? Bethenny Frankel is the only other one who comes to mind. She’s a skinny girl who has skinny girl shit.

Recently I’ve become obsessed with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One of the many franchises spinning from the Real Housewives of Orange County. One of my favorite club singers, Erika Jayne has joined the cast. You can read my article on her here.

I thought I would try out the show. I didn’t realize how in love was I going to be with it and not just because of Erika. Her marital name being Erika Girardi. She’s married to a fabulously wealthy lawyer thirty years her senior and she thinks hookers are fabulous.

Erika Jayne is by far the best housewife on the show, but I’ve begun having a loving affection for many of the others..

Matriarch, Lisa Vanderpump, with her posh accent and her uncut mouth is the best. She lives by the color pink and she loves dogs, but isn’t that crazy about bitches. She has ponies at her house and swans in the water feature. She says it like she means it and she might be aggressive, but who isn’t in Beverly Hills?

I have a soft spot for Yolanda Foster. She’s friends with Erika Jayne and might soon be divorced from her mega producer husband David Foster, known for his work with Whitney Houston, Natalie Cole, Madonna, and Jennifer Lopez to name a few. Her plotline revolves around her illness. One many of the housewives question in authenticity.

I like Yolanda, but I watch the housewives for a glamorous petty escape from my life, not for heart rending medical drama. I wish her the best. She seems very nice and I do enjoy her supermodel daughter stopping by.

And, I really like Eileen Davidson. She’s on Days of Our Lives. Her marital life seems shaky and her plotline is contrived, but I just like her. She just seems so nice and after she stood up for Erika, there’s no one I like better.

Lisa Rinna. She has lips reminiscent of the ones Goldie Hawn's character got in The First Wives Club. She has her own clothing line on QVC. She starts shit. Gets her ass waxed on TV and doesn’t seem to care for Erika that much. She’s a skinny loud mouth archetype perfect for reality TV.

Kyle Richards entire drama involves her sister Kim. She’s fine. She’s rather inconsequential to show and she’s the reason that Erika got subjected to Bethenny Frankel being a flat out bitch to her about her music career. I’m fine with her, but I don’t watch the show for her plot. I’m here to see Erika get zipped into her skintight leotard and hang with her gays.

The latest housewife Kathryn Edwards has yet to make an impact on me. There’s still time, but I need more than just her backstory on the OJ trial.

For me The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has everything you need. It’s all petty, guilty drama. There’s no physical altercations and they all drive Mercedes Benz. What more do you need on a Tuesday night?

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(I Get So) Sentimental

2/5/2016

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You don't realize quite how sad your life is until someone asks you what you're doing. It was a Thursday night and someone asked me what I was up to. I told them I had my three romantic comedies lined up and a bowl of popcorn to eat my feelings with. I'd spent the better part of the day listening to Taylor Swift, so it was only appropriate.

I was feeling sentimental and it wasn't just because I was listening to the Donna Summer song of the same name. There's something so reassuring about romantic comedies. They have a tried and true formula and you know that no matter what happens at the end, no matter how much they fuck up, they will be there for each other.

These are the three movies I picked that day. I grew up on rom com's and I'm sure there are better ones, but these movies are perfect for February

Buy "Sentimental"

Monster-In-Law
2005
Jennifer Lopez knows how to do a romantic comedy. This list would be incomplete without one of her films on it. This movie is iconic. Jane Fonda returns to the silver screen. Wanda Sykes is there. We got some cute eye candy with Michael Vartan. It's devilishly funny.

Jennifer plays Charlie who gets engaged to Kevin (Michael Vartan). His mother (Jane Fonda) tries to break them apart. She believes Charlie is not good enough for her son. There's love, a bath tub scene. Cake. Wanda Sykes does a great job playing the sidekick to the monster in law. Spoiler, that everyone ends up happy. It's another success in the J. Lo canon that includes The Wedding Planner and Maid in Manhattan.

27 Dresses
2008
The Katherine Heigl led 27 Dresses plays with the tropes of a romantic comedy. Katherine Heigl plays Jane the eternal bridesmaid and never the bride. She is hopelessly in love with her boss who near the beginning of the movie starts dating her sister (!).

But, wait. There's more. Reporter Kevin Doyle (James Marsden) wants to write a story on her. He complements her eccentricities as she does his. They love, they fight, they cry. They sing karaoke to “Benny and the Jetts”. This movie has it all. It honestly breaks my soul how much I have in common with Katherine Heigl.

Music and Lyrics
2007
Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant are no strangers to the field of romantic comedies. Take Drew's 50 First Dates or Ever After and Hugh Grant's Did You Hear About the Morgan's? or Bridget Jone's Diary as recommendations. The plot of this film pairs aging pop artist Alex Fletcher (Hugh Grant) with plant lady Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) to write a hit song for pop superstar Cora Corman (Haley Bennett) entitled “Way Back Into Love”.

This movie has a great backing cast. Brad Garrett takes a turn as Alex Fletcher's manager and Kristen Johnston makes a stab as Sophie's fun loving sister. This is the most straight forward feel good movie of the three. It has a great soundtrack featuring iconic “Budha's Delight” and heart rending “Way Back Into Love” as well as a few stabs of eighties pop pastiche with “Pop! Goes My Heart”. One of my all time favorites.

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Work It!

12/11/2015

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The QUEEN is back.

Imagine. I'm just sitting there alone, in the library, scrolling through my social media, when I see Missy Elliott's new music video flash before my eyes. It was manna sent from heaven. Rap god apparent, Missy Elliott was back from an extended hiatus.

The public has been clamoring for a Missy Elliott come back. Clamoring might be a strong word. Most of us forgot about Missy and then she came up on that stage with Katy Perry at the Super Bowl and literally murdered us all by bringing “Work It” back. The most iconic of all of Missy Elliot's hits.

It's not that surprising that Katy brought Missy out. Back in the days of global domination and chart success with Teenage Dream, Katy had Missy do a remix of “Last Friday Night (TGIF)”

Missy Elliott has not been releasing solo material, but she's been putting her foot back in the studio. When Skrillex and Diplo got together with Kiesza and produced the bombastic “Take U There”, they turned right around and had Missy Elliott drop some bars. It's literally better then my entire life.

Buy "Last Friday Night"

Buy "Take U There"

After Janet Jackson released “No Sleeeep” and it did marginally well for the aging R&B diva, she teased her album Unbreakable with a collaboration with Missy Elliott, “Burnitup!” The songs a little retro, a little done before, and also one of the best songs to come out of her canon. And, it united her with Missy Elliott.

Buy "Burnitup!"

Missy Elliott is a goddess. She was part of the insurgence of female rappers in the nineties. She was right there with Lil Kim, Queen Latifah, Left Eye, Foxy Brown, and Eve. I miss the days of female rappers. Now all we have is Nicki Minaj and Dej Loaf trying to make it big.

The new song from Missy is called “WTF (Where They From)”. It's fire. This is the first of new music we've heard from her since “Best Best” in 2008. We have been waiting seven years for a new Missy Elliott album.

The last album we had from Missy was The Cookbook. It had that one good Ciara collaboration on it, “Lose Control”. Not to be confused with the iconic "Lose Control" by Kevin Federline.

Since, then we have been lost in the ocean, just waiting for Missy Elliott to return and gift us with her presence again. “WTF (Where They From)” has reminded us why we miss her. In a smart move she's included Pharrell on the track. His contribution is a few throwaway, absolutely delicious verses. With his enhanced radio presence after the massive hit that was “Happy” his appearance is sure to help garner radio play.

The music is nothing we haven't seen before, but it's a fun ride. There's some rhinestones on the lips. Reminiscent of J. Lo's “Goin' In” video and Latrice Royale's time on RuPaul's Drag Race. Some stimulated dance sequences. Puppets. A few people rolled up into body bags. Missy Elliott is back and about to let us have it.

Buy"WTF (Where They From)"

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THE Michael Kors

11/27/2015

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Michael Kors is a legend in the fashion industry. I love him. I considered buying one of his backpacks. The $300 kind. It was gorgeous. It deserved me. It deserved to be on my body. It's to bad that my minimum wage job doesn't support such extravagance.

There is not a part of my body that makes me say that I'm not obsessed with Michael Kors. He's really funny. I read an interview on him and he's great. I love him and his husband Lance Le Pere. Their the cutest. They are my life goals.

Lance Le Pere (left) and Michael Kors (right)

Michael Kors was founded way back when in 1981. It's the kind of high priced luxury, that although expensive isn't too out of reach. If I'd really wanted that backpack it could have been mine.

Michael Kors is known for their handbags. When I went into the Michael Kors store that's what was on display. Their logo is just as recognizable as Louis Vuitton or Chanel. Michael Kors has that kind of brand recognition.

I've always wanted a pair of their shoes. The flats. The heels. I would wear it all. I could empty my bank account buying Michael Kors. It has that timeless elegance about it. And, what's more we all deserve something high fashion in my life.

The man behind the brand is really cool. Michael Kors is known for “being real” just like Jennifer Lopez. He's self deprecating. I want to be rich and successful and have people wonder how humble I am.

I love the way he devotes his time and money. He's a huge supporter in AIDS research and assistance. Much like Elton John and not unsurprising considering his experiences in New York during the height of the AIDS epidemic. The foundation he does most of his work with is God's Love We Deliver.

He's also an ambassador for the United Nations. He works with their World Food Programme and helps to get food to school children in needy parts of the world.

I've always thought well of him, but reading about him really changed my perspective. If you have money, you should want to make a change in the world, and it's great that he does that. That he's trying to change the world

Michael Kors brand has been described as “too safe”. I don't think. It's true that his clothing doesn't push the boundaries that some fashion houses do. But, it's also not rooted in the same cycle of repeat, redo that is so much apart of Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger..

His brand isn't changing the world of fashion, it's not edgy. But, there's something about it. Not every $200 coat makes me consider buying it. That's how much I spend on clothes a year, so to spend that much on one jacket. It has to be more then just a name.

It has to be something more and in his own way that's what Michael Kors does. He's not going to start the next punk phase, but there's an idealism to his clothes that you can't find from every designer.

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Quan To The Co

10/16/2015

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ABC is killing the game. Literally and figuratively.

In a highly inventive new television show Quantico there will be FBI recruits, sabotage, golden boys, and terrorism. All playing into America's deep rooted fears of a terrorist attack. The show is going to play with those conventionalities that have made Homeland such a runaway hit for Showtime.

The reason I discovered this show is because of actress Priyanka Chopra. I did a Snapshot Saturday on her entitled Drop Dead Priyanka (read here). I was trying to title it as a variation on “drop dead beautiful” and looking back on it I realize I didn't do a great job on that.

She is a beauty pageant queen. She was very successful at it. Imagine Vanessa Williams in the eighties. Priyanka is gorgeous. She's also a phenomenal actress and women's right's activist in India. She's really an amazing woman.

She will be starring as the lead Alex Parrish. From what I've been able to gather from the trailer, she is an independent woman. She is very confident with her sexuality.

This show is set up to be a thriller. The central concept is that it's a flashback to her days in training at Quantico. One of the people she trained with committed this terrorist act on American soil and she's been set up for it.

Over the course of the season it should focus on her times training and her current situation of trying to discover who set her up. There's the golden boy. The one who's beautiful to look at, but only got in because his parents are agents. Jake McLaughlin is set up to be her love interest. More then likely he will not be the traitor.

Jake McLaughlin

Graham Rogers

There's a whole slew of other characters here to misdirect and throw suspicion. It will be intersting to see if this show does well. It airs on Sunday's. A tough time slot to say the least. Pan AM, GCB, 666 Park Avenue were three shows canceled consecutively in the same time slot Quantico is set for.

This is going to be Priyanka's debut to American audiences who are widely unaware of her superstar status in India. She's tried to launch a music career here, but neither Pitbull assisted “Exotic” or Bonnie Raitt cover “I Can't Make You Love Me” clung to American radio.

If this show is the success it has the possibility of being, this could be what gives Priyanka a leg up in the music industry. See Jennifer Lopez and Ariana Grande for examples.

I haven't been able to watch it, yet. Tragically I work on Sunday's, but I have high hopes for it. Honestly, I'm going to catch up over the winter break and report back to you. Trying to keep up with Scream Queens and America's Next Top Model is the struggle right now.

Make sure to checkout Quantico on ABC. It airs on Sunday's at 10/9 central. They've only aired a few episodes, so there's still time to catch up before it's season finale later this year.

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The Winning Team

7/24/2015

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It's been a few weeks and I'm still glowing over the Supreme Court's decision in the Obergefell v. Hodges case. I wanted to take the time out to shout out the true MVP's in this trial. The five supreme court justices who voted in favor.

I'm fangirling over Sotomayor, Kagan, Ginsburg, Breyer, and Kennedy as embarrassing as that might be. I stan for them. They seem pretty cool. We will not speak of the other four justices who really need to get on the winning team. Honestly, I was surprised that the verdict was as close as it was with 5-4 in favor. I thought it would be a much higher majority.

What I'm really waiting for is the Lifetime Original Movie in which the four dissenting justices are cast as the villains. This was a historic decision and to be on the wrong side of social change is going to be really embarrassing for them. In a few decades we will have people saying that it took to long for this decision to be made.

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the majority opinion for this case. I feel like that's a big deal. Honestly, I didn't pay as much attention as I should have in my U.S. Government class. I definitely feel like Kennedy could have gotten it when he was younger. He's 78 now and I feel like in his twenties it would have been good. He went to Harvard and Stanford. So, he's smart. I just feel him.

Then, you have Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I feel like she would not approve of me saying this, but she's kind of a bad ass. I love her. Definitely, one of my favorite Supreme Court Justices. She's fiery. She's really short. She's only like 5'1. Some people call her the Notorious RBG (an homage to the Notorious B.I.G.). I love her and I am not surprised that she was one of the pro supporters of same sex marriage.

“Women belong in all places where decisions are being made.”
Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is bae if we're being perfectly honest. I love her. She went to both Cornwell and Columbia. Stand up for higher education.

The only other male who voted for this was Stephen Breyer. He's Jewish. Has that sexy bald spot going on. Bill Clinton picked him. He's gone to Stanford, Oxford, and Harvard. Someone went hard as fuck in their educational studies and I salute him. Turn up Stephen Breyer.

Sonia Sotomayor is also bae. We needed something other then white men on the Supreme Court and I'm so glad Obama picked her. I love her and that hair be on point all the time. I remember when Obama picked her. My father was so upset. I can't remember why, but I'm sure I blocked it out for a reason. Her education also be on fleek. She went to Princeton and Yale. Listen to Mama Nicki and stay in school and you too can be on the Supreme Court.

If you've seen Pitch Perfect 2 you might remember that one of the pieces of hate mail they received after Fat Amy showed her vagina to the president was from Sotomayor. Just a little fun trivia fact for you there. She's also Puerto Rican. Representing with Jennifer Lopez. I just need Sonia Sotomayor to slay everything.

Elena Kagan is our final Justice. She kills it to. She's also Jewish. I didn't know there was so much Jewish representation at the Supreme Court. Turn the fuck up for that. She was also picked by Obama. She's gone to Harvard and that's the same school Elle Woods went to and in my book that's all that matters.

All of the female Supreme Court Justices voted in favor of this ruling.

I'm just going to let that sit there Ruth Bader Ginsburg was quoted as saying that she thought there should be 9 women on the Supreme Court. I agree with her. We've had 9 men for so long that there's no reason there shouldn't be a time that we have 9 women.

Shout out to my favorite Supreme Court Justices for just being awesome. Changing the world and pushing social change is something I wish I had the ability to do and do so effortlessly. While, rocking those loose fitting gowns. Kill it.

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Whoroscope

6/12/2015

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Horoscopes are completely full of shit, but that doesn't stop me from finding out what my Taurus self is up to. I check it in the newspapers when I'm visiting my grandparents. I get supremely annoyed when I can't find it in Cosmopolitan. Last month's accurately predicted that I would be busy with work throughout June.

I realized that I am witty and charming. However, divine inspiration for today's article came from Kacey Musgraves (Yes, Same Trailer, Different Park Kacey Musgraves). In her song “Follow Your Arrow” she tongue in cheek remarks that “If you don't save yourself for marriage you're a whoreable person”. So, instead of “horoscopes” we have “whoroscopes” to fit my tendencies better.

Buy "Follow Your Arrow"

I used horoscopes to flirt with someone before. Actually, you can't call it flirting. It was more a conversation piece. I got this horoscope that told you what female singer you were. I got Lana Del Rey. I was just so glad I didn't get Meghan Trainor.

But, I thought it was so funny how I got Lana. I was like does this mean I want to fuck my father? I thought this was charming little anecdote and I used it. To be fair I did get a little laugh out of it. I've actually used this horoscope so many times. So many people who know me must be like was he flirting with me? No, sweetheart. I have standards.

Horoscopes are just fun things to play with. Enjoy. Revel in. Some people are such fun suckers and they refuse to enjoy a good horoscope. We are not talking about building your life around your daily horoscope. But, did it end up that badly for Jennifer Lopez in Monster In Law? No. She got a sexy doctor, the day her horoscope told her she would find love.

One day I was just going through all the horoscopes I'd found on tumblr with some people and we had the most fun. Laughing at how ridiculous some of them and how accurate some of them are. If you ever want to find my horoscopes on tumblr there's a search button on the top of my tumblr page. Just put in 'Taurus' and it will come right up. I tag all of my horoscopes with my sign.

“I'm no virgin or no virgo”
- truth from Kesha

For a while I thought I was an Aquarius and by a while I mean a few years. My parents are very religious and my Zodiac sign was not high on their priority list of things to teach me. I think I wanted to be an Aquarius so bad, because being an unnoticeable if sturdy car was really not my thing. Now I embrace my tauruship.

Below are some of my favorite horoscopes (taken from tumblr) and the birthdays for all of the signs in case you too have convinced yourself that your an Aquaurius.

Aries: March 21-April 19
Taurus: April 20-May 20
Gemini: May 21-June 20
Cancer: June 21-July 22
Leo: July 23-August 22
Virgo: August 23-September 22
Libra: September 23-October 22
Scorpio: October 23-November 21
Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
Capricorn: December 22-January 19
Aquarius: January 20-February 18
Pisces: February 19-March 20

If the signs hate you:

will tell you: scorpio, sagittarius, aries, gemini, leo
will be nice to you but talk mad shit about you: pisces, cancer, taurus, libra
won't tell you but will make it so you know they hate you: virgo, capricorn, aquarius,

Flirting

Aries: accidentally obsesses. pay attention to them or they'll make u
Taurus: lots of shy eye contact. smiles from ear to ear. laughs at ALL your jokes.
Gemini: tell you a ton of stories and jokes to try to impress you. lots of 'accidental' touching.
Cancer: talks to all their friends about how much they like you. never acts like it around you tho
Leo: acting more proud than the norm. wants to cuddle and talk with you 24/7. shows you everything that they've done (art/writing/funny text/etc)
Virgo: extra nervous around you. even more cautious with their words. stutters out compliments all the time
Libra: giggly. looks like they're literally in love with you. teases gently. throws constant compliments at u
Scorpio: might stare at you so intensely it seems like they're glaring. asks more personal questions about you. laughs with you
Sagittarius: laughs more frequently than the usual. acts even more friendly. wants to do all sorts of crazy things with you
Capricorn: chokes on their words. gets overwhelmed by simple things (ie. their emotions). grins ear to ear and giggles quietly at the idea of you.
Aquarius: bullies you. tries harder to be around you. tells you their secrets and maybe how they're really feeling.
Pisces: hides their face (with their hands, looking away, anyway they can really) from you. flirts a little boldly at you and then says they're kidding. daydreams about you and tells their friends about it.

Zodiac Signs as Madonna's 12 Billboard Number One Hits

Aries: “Who’s That Girl”
Taurus: “Take a Bow”
Gemini: “Open Your Heart”
Cancer: “Crazy for You”
Leo: “Like a Virgin”
Virgo: “Music”
Libra: “Justify My Love”
Scorpio: “Live to Tell”
Sagittarius: “Like a Prayer”
Capricorn: “Vogue”
Aquarius: “Papa Don’t Preach”
Pisces: “This Used to Be My Playground”

Powerpuff Girls

Blossom: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Bubbles: Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn, Pisces
Buttercup: Aries, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio

The Signs as Female Pop Stars

Aries: Nicki Minaj
Taurus: Lana Del Rey
Gemini: Katy Perry
Cancer: Taylor Swift
Leo: Britney Spears
Virgo: Beyonce
Libra: Fergie
Scorpio: Marina and the Diamonds
Sagittarius: Miley Cyrus
Capricorn: Lady Gaga
Aquarius: Meghan Trainor
Pisces: Ariana Grande

Who Will Die on the Titanic?

Aries: no
Taurus: no
Gemini: no
Cancer: no
Virgo: no
Libra: no
Scorpio: no
Sagittarius: no
Leo: yes
Capricorn: no
Aquarius: no
Pisces: no

The "Gay" Squad

Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

What the signs REALLY Want

Aries: Lower college tuition.
Taurus: Lower college tuition.
Gemini: Lower college tuition.
Cancer: Lower college tuition.
Leo: Lower college tuition.
Virgo: Lower college tuition.
Libra: Lower college tuition.
Scorpio: Lower college tuition.
Sagittarius: Lower college tuition.
Capricorn: Lower college tuition.
Aquarius: Lower college tuition.
Pisces: Lower college tuition.

Signs From Most to Least Heterosexual

Gemini
Libra
Sagittarius
Leo
Cancer
Pisces
Scorpio
Aquarius
Capricorn
Virgo
Aries
Taurus

Signs As Their Favorite Female Rapper

Aries: Nicki Minaj
Taurus: Nicki Minaj
Gemini: Iggy Azalea
Cancer: Nicki Minaj
Leo: Nicki Minaj
Virgo: Nicki Minaj
Libra: Nicki Minaj
Scorpio: Nicki Minaj
Sagittarius: Nicki Minaj
Capricorn: Nicki Minaj
Aquarius: Nicki Minaj
Pisces: Nicki Minaj

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Best Albums of 2014

12/27/2014

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Let's be really clear about this list. It is simply a review of the albums I have bought this year. I could never numerically list my favorite albums for a year. I could knock some out of the top ten, but let's be honest. I love music too much. Now almost all the music I got this year, I bought the day it came out.

You know I like my CD. That means some albums I may have talked about or have wanted, I do not have. RuPaul never released Born Naked in a physical format, Troye Sivan didn't release TRYXE physically in the United States, and Azealia Banks will be putting Broke With Expensive Taste out in January. It will make next years list.

I'm going to try to be a cold calculated bitch to my faves. Will see how well this goes. I'll give you a general rating out of five bubbles and include the song I played the most individually according to my computer.

Buy Lights Out

Lights Out: Ingrid Michaleson
3 ½ Bubbles
I bought this album as a spur of the moment seven dollar purchase at Target. I really do enjoy it's acceptable hit “Girls Chase Boys” and its a nice album. It's a good folk pop. It's not my favorite, though. Like, I think it's good album, but I don't listen to it very often. The ballads are what bring this album down. It just drags. That being said there are some standout tracks including “Warpath”, “Time Machine”, and “One Night Town”.

Most Played Song: "One Night Town"

Buy 1989

1989: Taylor Swift
4 Bubbles
Who else was shocked at how great this album was. I bought it the moment it came out. The Target staff was still putting it up and I had to reach past them to get it. This album is so much better then “Shake It Off” predicted. I know I said I wouldn't it. Of course I did. I'm so glad, I did. I am now a proud and out Taylor Swift fan. This album is everything.

Most Played Song: Tie between “Welcome To New York” and “Blank Space”

A.K.A.: Jennifer Lopez
3 ½ Bubbles
This is Queen J.Lo's latest album. I was hyped for it. I wanted it so badly. And, it was kind of a disappointment. One of my favorite albums ever was her previous studio album Love? A.K.A. Really wasn't going to top that. As much as I've listened to the album it's not my favorite. And, this rating is actually based on the standard ten track album. I really love this album until “Booty” ends and then it just slides down. If you're not a Jennifer Lopez fan and you want this album. Get the standard edition. Its a more solid performance over all, then the deluxe.

Most Played Song: “Booty” featuring Pitbull

Buy A.K.A.

Aquarius: Tinashe
3 ½ Bubbles
Critics adored this album. I think it's solid, but like many albums I don't enjoy listening to it per say. I see the artistry and I think it was executed well, but Tinashe wanted to be both an R&B starlet and an expiremental mix tape girl. She tried to make it work. I don't know if it did. Some songs I thoroughly enjoyed were the title track, “Bet”, “All Hands On Deck”, and “Wildfire”

Most Played Song: “2 On”

Buy Aquarius

Cheek to Cheek: Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett
4 Bubbles
I bought it for Lady Gaga. Real talk. That's why the world bought it. This is a jazz album. I tentatively think it was well executed. I don't listen to jazz. When I do listen to this album I jam, but is it going to take the place of ARTPOP? Absolutely not.

Most Played Song: “I Can't Give You Anything But Love”

Buy Cheek to Cheek

Food: Kelis
4 Bubbles
This is an album. I don't listen to the songs individually when I listen to Kelis it is the full experience. This is a soul funk R&B album. I love it. It may not be for everyone, but it's an insanely well executed project.

Most Played Song: Tie between “Bless The Telephone” and “Jerk Ribs”

Buy Food

Flashing Lights: Havana Brown
3 Bubbles
I know technically this album came out in 2013, but the version I have of this album came out in 2014. So, I'm going to include it anyway, you know I love Havana Brown. That said it's surprising how not good I thought Flashing Lights was. Like it's everything to me, but I'm like wow this isn't actually tht good of an album. This happened, because of the lackluster quality of some of the filler tracks that are strung together four songs long. When this album is at it's high. It can't be beat. At it's lows it hurts. It also come as a surprise to me that the most played song I had was not “Warrior”, “We Run The Night”, “Big Banana”, "Naughty” or “Flashing Lights”. All songs I would say were better, but a song I would label as filler, but apparently incredibly enjoyable filler.

Most Played Song: “You'll Be Mine”

Buy Flashing Lights

Buy It's The Girls!

It's The Girls!: Bette Midler
3 ½ Bubbles
Legendary Bette Midler released yet another studio album. It is a collection of standard girl group songs. Executed well, not as well as other albums by her. I thoroughly enjoyed it.The album also offers great love advice.. Take the staggeringly over optimistic “Tell Him”. Sure just tell your crush you'll never leave him in his whole life. That you'll love him forever. That's not creepy. Side note do not go out of your way to get the Target edition. It's just two sappy ballads that are sub par for the set and don't add much to the record.

Most Played Song: “He's Sure The Boy I Love”

Going to Hell: The Pretty Reckless
4 ½ Bubbles
One of the best albums of the year. Obsessed. I love. Every song is almost perfect. It strays a little too hard rock for me at times, but that's because I'm not usually one of hard rocks biggest proponents. Buy this album. It's fronted by Gossip Girl alumn, Taylor Momsen, and man does she kill it as a provocative Lolita figure.

Most Played Song: Tie between “Heaven Knows”, “Why'd You Bring A Shotgun To The Party”, and “Fucked Up World”

Buy Going To Hell

Motion: Calvin Harris
4 Bubbles
DJ Calvin Harris has hit his stride. This album is everything you want, radio friendly pop fodder with plenty of bangers. The fantastic Big Sean feature with “Open Wide” or the Tinashe led “Dollar Signs”. He did a great job creating a flowing record. It also doesn't hurt that he back loaded the album with it's best songs. Another collaboration with Ellie Goulding hit home and you should check this album out before these songs hit the top ten.

Most Played Song: Tie between “Pray to God” featuring Haim and “Dollar Signs” featuring Tinashe

Buy Motion

Buy The New Classic

Nick Jonas: Nick Jonas
3 Bubbles
I wanted more from this album. There are no shirtless pictures in the booklet, so what the fuck Nick. But, just at it's core I'm not in love. It doesn't turn me off. I'm not opposed to buying another Nick Jonas album, I'm just not entirely bought into this Nick. The lyrics really do bother me on some of these songs. “If I can't have you, no one will”. It's kind of creepy. His duet with Mike Posner is disgusting. There are just some things that turn me off to this album. That said I was pleasantly surprised at how good the duet with Demi Lovato was, and you know I don't like her.

Most Played Song: “Numb” featuring Angel Haze

The New Classic: Iggy Azalea
2 Bubbles
I want to read this album, but the hits bolster it just enough for me not to tear it apart. I am not a fan of this album. The Reclassified is probably the shit. Streamlined with the best. All the effort was put into the hits. I don't know. She makes stabs at 'real' hip hop and it just doesn't strike home like her pop renderings. There were some album only songs that I adore like “Fuck Love” and the ridiculous “Lady Patra”. I even like “Walk The Line”. But, when paired against the hits. The other songs fall flat. This doesn't fulfill the joy of an album experience.

Most Played Song: “Fancy” featuring Charli XCX

Buy Nick Jonas

Platinum: Miranda Lambert
3 ½ Bubbles
Miranda is my country darling, I love her music. This is a rambling album and it works. It does, but as a rambling album some songs turn me off to the overall aesthetic. “Little Red Wagon” being the biggest put down. And, I read in a review that they consider it a stand out track, so I might just be missing something. There's her trademark humor in tow with “Old Shit” and “Gravity is a Bitch”. I am also not impressed with lead single “Automatic”. It's kind of condescending and it doesn't really sound like Miranda. It also must be known that I am overwhelmed with both “Smokin' and Drinkin'” and “Platinum”. They barely missed being the my most played song.

Most Played Song: “Something Bad” feauturing Carrie Underwood

Buy Platinum

Queen of the Clouds: Tove Lo
3 Bubbles
Another album I want to get into. I didn't it. It didn't click for me. “Like Em Young” did resonate with me. I just want to send this song to my crush anonymously and say how does this make you feel. The concept of splitting the album into three distinct parts of “The Sex”, “The Love” and “The Pain”. That was really cool. I know someone who loves this album. Give it a shot. I'm going to keep trying. Tove Lo as a pop star intrigues me.

Most Played Song: “Not On Drugs”

Buy Queen of the Clouds

That's Christmas to Me: Pentatonix
3 Bubbles
People went gaga for this acapella Christmas album this year. I bought it because of Mitch and Scott. It's acceptable Christmas fair. It does not compete with Celine Dion or Bette Midler. If you want it I say go get it.

Most Played Song: “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”

Buy That's Christmas To Me

Shakira: Shakira
3 ½ Bubbles
Shakira did a stint on The Voice and tried her damnedest to get American radio play by throwing Rihanna onto the lead off single “Can't Remember To Forget You”, but never the less her latest album didn't produce a sizable hit in the United States. I enjoy this album. I don't think it's as good as say Laundry Service, She Wolf, or Sale El Sol. But, it's an easy breezy listen that stands up stronger then either part of the Oral Fixation series. I also thoroughly enjoyed her duet with country superstar, Blake Shelton that was trashed by more then one critic.

Most Played Song: “Can't Remember To Forget You” featuring Rihanna

Buy Shakira

Sex and Love: Enrique Iglesias
3 Bubbles
This is one of those weird albums that works, but I can't honestly tell you it's a good album. It's Enrique Iglesias. I've listened to this album numerous times and I love it. Also, the song I trashed when I compared him to Shakira is my most listened to song. This is just a thoroughly good ride. You can't take it as artistry, but more as good fun. Whether that be “Bailando”, “There Goes My Baby”, “Physical” or “Beautiful”. It works because Enrique plays off of his public persona. If you like his public image. You should really enjoy this album.

Most Played Song: “I'm A Freak” featuring Pitbull

Buy Sex and Love

Buy Sheezus

Sheezus: Lily Allen
2 ½ Bubbles
Thunder and J.Lo bought me this album for my birthday. I still like Lily Allen, but this album blends. Most of the tracks are too similar. There are definitely some songs I jam out to, but it's just not my favorite thing this year. I wouldn't avoid it, still it's not on the top of my list. Some of the songs I really enjoyed were the title track, “Close Your Eyes” and “Silver Spoon”. If you are a die hard Lily Allen. Buy this album. You need it as part of your collection.

Most Played Song: “Hard Out Here”

Sound of a Woman: Kiesza
3 ½ Bubbles
Solid and unique debut by dance singer Kiesza. This is artistic dance music in the highest regard. It doesn't hit home for me quite hard enough and some of the more R&B inspired tracks leave me bored. However, I like her and would look into her next album. If you didn't hear her almost hit “Hideaway” that's something you should get on.

Most Played Song: “Hideaway”

Buy Sound of a Woman

Super Critical: The Ting Tings
4 ½ Bubbles
The Ting Tings are one of the winners this year in music. True they are my favorite band, but this album got to me. First listen I was set on three bubbles. A few more spins later and this new disco sound was everything I wanted from The Tings. It's light fun filled and some of the tracks I initially questioned, I am now in love with. The only two that haven't quite clicked are “Wabi Sabi” and “Green Poison”, but I still like them. Of the two singles released so far, I believe “Do It Again” is the best.

Most Played Song: “Failure”

Buy Super Critical

Volume 3: Pentatonix
3 ½ Bubbles
3rd EP from acapella group Pentatonix it includes covers of some of the years most popular songs. When you play a game like that it comes down to whether you like the original version better or not. They usually hold there own when it comes to the covers. It's the original song “Papaoutai” that features violinist Lindsey Stirling that disappoints me the most. I had so much hopes, because it's Lindsey Stirling and it did not come through.

Most Played Song: “See Through”

Buy Volume 3

Ultraviolence: Lana Del Rey
4 ½ Bubbles
Moody songstress Lana Del Rey came out with her second album the same day as Jennifer Lopez. I like this album better. Maybe not at first, but it's sunk into my soul. Every song is a masterpiece. I've played each individually and I don't know what keeps it from being a five bubble experience for me. Lana Del Rey knew what she wanted for this album and she delivered. I would recommend it to anyone. My mother and Boomer both claimed that they preferred Born to Die better. I told them to never talk to me again.

Most Played Song: “Ultraviolence”

Buy Ultraviolence

The Voyager: Jenny Lewis
4 ½ Bubbles
Adore would be too light of a word for how I feel about Jenny Lewis. If you want to know what emotional state I was in for a better part of 2014, you can listen to this album. It's soft, modern rock. It's easy listening. The only reason it's not a straight five bubbles is that one of the final songs “Aloha & The Three Johns” just didn't quite sit well with me. If I was to tell you an album you need to buy this year, it would be this one. Both Cosmopolitan and Billboard included this album on their year end lists.

Most Played Song: “She's Not Me”

Buy The Voyager

Buy The Pinkprint

Sucker: Charli XCX
4 Bubbles
This album could be a grower or I could hate it. Do not be fooled by “Boom Clap” this is not a traditional pop album. Like it is, but this is kind of punk rock with pop thrown in. “Boom Clap” doesn't really fit the album that well. It was just a major hit. I enjoy this album, but I am on the fence. High on the fence, but on the fence none the less. Enter into this album at your own risk, but I think Charli created a winner. Fans of her last outing True Romance may be disappointed. It is not even close to the same release as True Romance and that came out just last year.

Most Played Song: “Break The Rules”

Buy Sucker

The Pinkprint: Nicki Minaj
4 Bubbles
I really haven't had a chance to live with The Pinkprint. I am a huge Nicki fan, and I'm just so excited with the new Nicki music. It's introspective, but mantains that rap braggadocio, and there are some solid pop moments as well. The one that really stands out to me is “The Night Is Still Young”. Download it. It's going to be released as a single. Something I am holding against Nicki on this album is under utilizing Beyonce on “Feeling Myself”. Not that the song is bad, but you have Beyonce and this what you give us. What happened. At 21 tracks long, some of the songs could have been cut, but that's a hip-hop album for you. There are too many songs and it's too long and you love it. Queen Nicki, slayed it.

Most Played Song: “Bed of Lies” featuring Skylar Grey

Favorite Album of the Year: Tie between Going to Hell by the Pretty Reckless, Super Critical by The Ting Tings, Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey, and The Voyager by Jenny Lewis.