Jennifer Lopez is not content to stay nestled in the suburban middle class of Kohl's with her new capsule collection for Giuseppe Zanotti. The new collection is expected to launch January, 2017 with two new bags and a few pairs of shoes ranging from $795-$1,995.
A capsule collection to the uninitiated was an idea put forth by Donna Karan. It offers a limited amount of clothing that puts all the focus on “essential” pieces.
The new collaboration is called Giuseppe for Jennifer Lopez. It's touchingly original in name. Jennifer is sure to be in good hands after a pairing up Giuseppe did with Beyonce last year. The as yet unfinished product is roughly described to include wedge sneakers (a personal guilty pleasure), gladiators, and leather handbags.
The new accessories are sure to be tasteful. Jennifer has assured us that they are “bad ass” and they have “sparkle” and as long as their covered in Savorski crystals I certainly won't be complaining.
Ain't Your Mama
News about new music from Jennifer Lopez has been hush hush. She recently signed back to Epic records. Her home away from home and where she had the majority of her nine, top 10 hits. LA Reid was the musical powerhouse behind her change. He not only judged on X-Factor, but is also one of the most important men in music bolstering the careers of both Paula Abdul and P!NK.
The new song does seem to end the rumors of a supposed Christmas album or an album entirely in Spanish. Although, the year is young and never say never. In 2007 she released two albums barely months apart. And, the new Jennifer Lopez creation could always be bilingual ala Enrique Iglesias and Shakira. That would also be a return to form as we haven’t had a smattering of Spanish her music since her eponymously titled multiplatinum blockbuster J.Lo.
The cover art scintillates as it should. We have some good beachy hair. Curls and all. A look she’s been rocking recently. It’s classic black and white. All chromatic. That hat screams Martha Vineyards realness and I live.
Recently I’ve become obsessed with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One of the many franchises spinning from the Real Housewives of Orange County. One of my favorite club singers, Erika Jayne has joined the cast. You can read my article on her here.
Matriarch, Lisa Vanderpump, with her posh accent and her uncut mouth is the best. She lives by the color pink and she loves dogs, but isn’t that crazy about bitches. She has ponies at her house and swans in the water feature. She says it like she means it and she might be aggressive, but who isn’t in Beverly Hills?
And, I really like Eileen Davidson. She’s on Days of Our Lives. Her marital life seems shaky and her plotline is contrived, but I just like her. She just seems so nice and after she stood up for Erika, there’s no one I like better.
Lisa Rinna. She has lips reminiscent of the ones Goldie Hawn's character got in The First Wives Club. She has her own clothing line on QVC. She starts shit. Gets her ass waxed on TV and doesn’t seem to care for Erika that much. She’s a skinny loud mouth archetype perfect for reality TV.
For me The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has everything you need. It’s all petty, guilty drama. There’s no physical altercations and they all drive Mercedes Benz. What more do you need on a Tuesday night?
(I Get So) Sentimental
You don't realize quite how sad your life is until someone asks you what you're doing. It was a Thursday night and someone asked me what I was up to. I told them I had my three romantic comedies lined up and a bowl of popcorn to eat my feelings with. I'd spent the better part of the day listening to Taylor Swift, so it was only appropriate.
The Katherine Heigl led 27 Dresses plays with the tropes of a romantic comedy. Katherine Heigl plays Jane the eternal bridesmaid and never the bride. She is hopelessly in love with her boss who near the beginning of the movie starts dating her sister (!).
But, wait. There's more. Reporter Kevin Doyle (James Marsden) wants to write a story on her. He complements her eccentricities as she does his. They love, they fight, they cry. They sing karaoke to “Benny and the Jetts”. This movie has it all. It honestly breaks my soul how much I have in common with Katherine Heigl.
It's not that surprising that Katy brought Missy out. Back in the days of global domination and chart success with Teenage Dream, Katy had Missy do a remix of “Last Friday Night (TGIF)”
Missy Elliott has not been releasing solo material, but she's been putting her foot back in the studio. When Skrillex and Diplo got together with Kiesza and produced the bombastic “Take U There”, they turned right around and had Missy Elliott drop some bars. It's literally better then my entire life.
After Janet Jackson released “No Sleeeep” and it did marginally well for the aging R&B diva, she teased her album Unbreakable with a collaboration with Missy Elliott, “Burnitup!” The songs a little retro, a little done before, and also one of the best songs to come out of her canon. And, it united her with Missy Elliott.
The last album we had from Missy was The Cookbook. It had that one good Ciara collaboration on it, “Lose Control”. Not to be confused with the iconic "Lose Control" by Kevin Federline.
The music is nothing we haven't seen before, but it's a fun ride. There's some rhinestones on the lips. Reminiscent of J. Lo's “Goin' In” video and Latrice Royale's time on RuPaul's Drag Race. Some stimulated dance sequences. Puppets. A few people rolled up into body bags. Missy Elliott is back and about to let us have it.
THE Michael Kors
Michael Kors was founded way back when in 1981. It's the kind of high priced luxury, that although expensive isn't too out of reach. If I'd really wanted that backpack it could have been mine.
Michael Kors is known for their handbags. When I went into the Michael Kors store that's what was on display. Their logo is just as recognizable as Louis Vuitton or Chanel. Michael Kors has that kind of brand recognition.
I love the way he devotes his time and money. He's a huge supporter in AIDS research and assistance. Much like Elton John and not unsurprising considering his experiences in New York during the height of the AIDS epidemic. The foundation he does most of his work with is God's Love We Deliver.
Michael Kors brand has been described as “too safe”. I don't think. It's true that his clothing doesn't push the boundaries that some fashion houses do. But, it's also not rooted in the same cycle of repeat, redo that is so much apart of Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger..
Quan To The Co
She is a beauty pageant queen. She was very successful at it. Imagine Vanessa Williams in the eighties. Priyanka is gorgeous. She's also a phenomenal actress and women's right's activist in India. She's really an amazing woman.
There's a whole slew of other characters here to misdirect and throw suspicion. It will be intersting to see if this show does well. It airs on Sunday's. A tough time slot to say the least. Pan AM, GCB, 666 Park Avenue were three shows canceled consecutively in the same time slot Quantico is set for.
I haven't been able to watch it, yet. Tragically I work on Sunday's, but I have high hopes for it. Honestly, I'm going to catch up over the winter break and report back to you. Trying to keep up with Scream Queens and America's Next Top Model is the struggle right now.
Make sure to checkout Quantico on ABC. It airs on Sunday's at 10/9 central. They've only aired a few episodes, so there's still time to catch up before it's season finale later this year.
The Winning Team
What I'm really waiting for is the Lifetime Original Movie in which the four dissenting justices are cast as the villains. This was a historic decision and to be on the wrong side of social change is going to be really embarrassing for them. In a few decades we will have people saying that it took to long for this decision to be made.
Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the majority opinion for this case. I feel like that's a big deal. Honestly, I didn't pay as much attention as I should have in my U.S. Government class. I definitely feel like Kennedy could have gotten it when he was younger. He's 78 now and I feel like in his twenties it would have been good. He went to Harvard and Stanford. So, he's smart. I just feel him.
“Women belong in all places where decisions are being made.”
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Ruth Bader Ginsburg is bae if we're being perfectly honest. I love her. She went to both Cornwell and Columbia. Stand up for higher education.
The only other male who voted for this was Stephen Breyer. He's Jewish. Has that sexy bald spot going on. Bill Clinton picked him. He's gone to Stanford, Oxford, and Harvard. Someone went hard as fuck in their educational studies and I salute him. Turn up Stephen Breyer.
Elena Kagan is our final Justice. She kills it to. She's also Jewish. I didn't know there was so much Jewish representation at the Supreme Court. Turn the fuck up for that. She was also picked by Obama. She's gone to Harvard and that's the same school Elle Woods went to and in my book that's all that matters.
Horoscopes are completely full of shit, but that doesn't stop me from finding out what my Taurus self is up to. I check it in the newspapers when I'm visiting my grandparents. I get supremely annoyed when I can't find it in Cosmopolitan. Last month's accurately predicted that I would be busy with work throughout June.
I realized that I am witty and charming. However, divine inspiration for today's article came from Kacey Musgraves (Yes, Same Trailer, Different Park Kacey Musgraves). In her song “Follow Your Arrow” she tongue in cheek remarks that “If you don't save yourself for marriage you're a whoreable person”. So, instead of “horoscopes” we have “whoroscopes” to fit my tendencies better.
Horoscopes are just fun things to play with. Enjoy. Revel in. Some people are such fun suckers and they refuse to enjoy a good horoscope. We are not talking about building your life around your daily horoscope. But, did it end up that badly for Jennifer Lopez in Monster In Law? No. She got a sexy doctor, the day her horoscope told her she would find love.
One day I was just going through all the horoscopes I'd found on tumblr with some people and we had the most fun. Laughing at how ridiculous some of them and how accurate some of them are. If you ever want to find my horoscopes on tumblr there's a search button on the top of my tumblr page. Just put in 'Taurus' and it will come right up. I tag all of my horoscopes with my sign.
Below are some of my favorite horoscopes (taken from tumblr) and the birthdays for all of the signs in case you too have convinced yourself that your an Aquaurius.
Aries: March 21-April 19
Taurus: April 20-May 20
Gemini: May 21-June 20
Cancer: June 21-July 22
Leo: July 23-August 22
Virgo: August 23-September 22
Libra: September 23-October 22
Scorpio: October 23-November 21
Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
Capricorn: December 22-January 19
Aquarius: January 20-February 18
Pisces: February 19-March 20
If the signs hate you:
Zodiac Signs as Madonna's 12 Billboard Number One Hits
The Signs as Female Pop Stars
Who Will Die on the Titanic?
The "Gay" Squad
What the signs REALLY Want
Signs From Most to Least Heterosexual
Signs As Their Favorite Female Rapper
Best Albums of 2014
Let's be really clear about this list. It is simply a review of the albums I have bought this year. I could never numerically list my favorite albums for a year. I could knock some out of the top ten, but let's be honest. I love music too much. Now almost all the music I got this year, I bought the day it came out.
You know I like my CD. That means some albums I may have talked about or have wanted, I do not have. RuPaul never released Born Naked in a physical format, Troye Sivan didn't release TRYXE physically in the United States, and Azealia Banks will be putting Broke With Expensive Taste out in January. It will make next years list.
I'm going to try to be a cold calculated bitch to my faves. Will see how well this goes. I'll give you a general rating out of five bubbles and include the song I played the most individually according to my computer.
1989: Taylor Swift
Who else was shocked at how great this album was. I bought it the moment it came out. The Target staff was still putting it up and I had to reach past them to get it. This album is so much better then “Shake It Off” predicted. I know I said I wouldn't it. Of course I did. I'm so glad, I did. I am now a proud and out Taylor Swift fan. This album is everything.
Most Played Song: Tie between “Welcome To New York” and “Blank Space”
Cheek to Cheek: Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett
I bought it for Lady Gaga. Real talk. That's why the world bought it. This is a jazz album. I tentatively think it was well executed. I don't listen to jazz. When I do listen to this album I jam, but is it going to take the place of ARTPOP? Absolutely not.
Most Played Song: “I Can't Give You Anything But Love”
Buy Cheek to Cheek
This is an album. I don't listen to the songs individually when I listen to Kelis it is the full experience. This is a soul funk R&B album. I love it. It may not be for everyone, but it's an insanely well executed project.
Most Played Song: Tie between “Bless The Telephone” and “Jerk Ribs”
Going to Hell: The Pretty Reckless
4 ½ Bubbles
One of the best albums of the year. Obsessed. I love. Every song is almost perfect. It strays a little too hard rock for me at times, but that's because I'm not usually one of hard rocks biggest proponents. Buy this album. It's fronted by Gossip Girl alumn, Taylor Momsen, and man does she kill it as a provocative Lolita figure.
Most Played Song: Tie between “Heaven Knows”, “Why'd You Bring A Shotgun To The Party”, and “Fucked Up World”
Buy Going To Hell
Motion: Calvin Harris
DJ Calvin Harris has hit his stride. This album is everything you want, radio friendly pop fodder with plenty of bangers. The fantastic Big Sean feature with “Open Wide” or the Tinashe led “Dollar Signs”. He did a great job creating a flowing record. It also doesn't hurt that he back loaded the album with it's best songs. Another collaboration with Ellie Goulding hit home and you should check this album out before these songs hit the top ten.
Most Played Song: Tie between “Pray to God” featuring Haim and “Dollar Signs” featuring Tinashe
Platinum: Miranda Lambert
3 ½ Bubbles
Miranda is my country darling, I love her music. This is a rambling album and it works. It does, but as a rambling album some songs turn me off to the overall aesthetic. “Little Red Wagon” being the biggest put down. And, I read in a review that they consider it a stand out track, so I might just be missing something. There's her trademark humor in tow with “Old Shit” and “Gravity is a Bitch”. I am also not impressed with lead single “Automatic”. It's kind of condescending and it doesn't really sound like Miranda. It also must be known that I am overwhelmed with both “Smokin' and Drinkin'” and “Platinum”. They barely missed being the my most played song.
Most Played Song: “Something Bad” feauturing Carrie Underwood
Queen of the Clouds: Tove Lo
Another album I want to get into. I didn't it. It didn't click for me. “Like Em Young” did resonate with me. I just want to send this song to my crush anonymously and say how does this make you feel. The concept of splitting the album into three distinct parts of “The Sex”, “The Love” and “The Pain”. That was really cool. I know someone who loves this album. Give it a shot. I'm going to keep trying. Tove Lo as a pop star intrigues me.
Most Played Song: “Not On Drugs”
That's Christmas to Me: Pentatonix
People went gaga for this acapella Christmas album this year. I bought it because of Mitch and Scott. It's acceptable Christmas fair. It does not compete with Celine Dion or Bette Midler. If you want it I say go get it.
Most Played Song: “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”
Sound of a Woman: Kiesza
3 ½ Bubbles
Solid and unique debut by dance singer Kiesza. This is artistic dance music in the highest regard. It doesn't hit home for me quite hard enough and some of the more R&B inspired tracks leave me bored. However, I like her and would look into her next album. If you didn't hear her almost hit “Hideaway” that's something you should get on.
Most Played Song: “Hideaway”
Buy Sound of a Woman
Super Critical: The Ting Tings
4 ½ Bubbles
The Ting Tings are one of the winners this year in music. True they are my favorite band, but this album got to me. First listen I was set on three bubbles. A few more spins later and this new disco sound was everything I wanted from The Tings. It's light fun filled and some of the tracks I initially questioned, I am now in love with. The only two that haven't quite clicked are “Wabi Sabi” and “Green Poison”, but I still like them. Of the two singles released so far, I believe “Do It Again” is the best.
Most Played Song: “Failure”
Buy Super Critical
Volume 3: Pentatonix
3 ½ Bubbles
3rd EP from acapella group Pentatonix it includes covers of some of the years most popular songs. When you play a game like that it comes down to whether you like the original version better or not. They usually hold there own when it comes to the covers. It's the original song “Papaoutai” that features violinist Lindsey Stirling that disappoints me the most. I had so much hopes, because it's Lindsey Stirling and it did not come through.
Most Played Song: “See Through”
Buy Volume 3
Ultraviolence: Lana Del Rey
4 ½ Bubbles
Moody songstress Lana Del Rey came out with her second album the same day as Jennifer Lopez. I like this album better. Maybe not at first, but it's sunk into my soul. Every song is a masterpiece. I've played each individually and I don't know what keeps it from being a five bubble experience for me. Lana Del Rey knew what she wanted for this album and she delivered. I would recommend it to anyone. My mother and Boomer both claimed that they preferred Born to Die better. I told them to never talk to me again.
Most Played Song: “Ultraviolence”
The Voyager: Jenny Lewis
4 ½ Bubbles
Adore would be too light of a word for how I feel about Jenny Lewis. If you want to know what emotional state I was in for a better part of 2014, you can listen to this album. It's soft, modern rock. It's easy listening. The only reason it's not a straight five bubbles is that one of the final songs “Aloha & The Three Johns” just didn't quite sit well with me. If I was to tell you an album you need to buy this year, it would be this one. Both Cosmopolitan and Billboard included this album on their year end lists.
Most Played Song: “She's Not Me”
Buy The Voyager
Favorite Album of the Year: Tie between Going to Hell by the Pretty Reckless, Super Critical by The Ting Tings, Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey, and The Voyager by Jenny Lewis.
Favorite Song of the Year: “Failure” by The Ting Tings
What's the point of dating if they don't go with your outfit?