Category: Girl

She's Sooo Rock N Roll

8/11/2016

Avril Lavigne's decade plus career in the music industry has yielded hits, multi-platinum albums, and iconic pieces of pop culture.

Since, the eighties and the invention of the music video, an artist has been revealed and proliferated through what they can convey through a TV screen. Madonna and Michael Jackson mastered this art of communication, while others have slipped. Avril Lavigne with her anti-commercial stance has fumbled in her “I'm not like other girls” image.

This is a list of her 5 Worst (Best?) music videos, one from each Avril Lavigne era, that visually guide us through her punk rock reveling image.

Buy "Complicated"

Let Go (2001)
“Complicated”
Avril Lavigne's breakthrough hit was accompanied by a video that introduced her to pop fans. The video may have been good for it's time, but it certainly hasn't held up. See this along with “Sk8r Boi” for the template of social rejects who didn't fit into the Britney/Christina mold.

The video finds Avril hanging out with her boys. She's too cool to have girlfriends after all. She's not the kind of girl who talks about lip gloss. It poignantly starts with her asking her skater friends, “Dude you wanna crash the mall?” Someone had to shoplift the Hot Topic on Tuesday and Avril Lavigne's schedule was free.

Buy "Don't Tell Me"

Under My Skin (2004)
“Don't Tell Me”
This album was an attempt to make Avril more “mature”. A look that decidedly hasn't worked for her. It produced a number of hits and the music video's were more palatable then it's predecessor. Still it's a toss up between “Don't Tell Me” and “He Wasn't” for worst visual treatment.

Where “He Wasn't” revels in it's parody status of a garage band filming it's low budget video, the stalker theme of “Don't Tell Me” isn't so self aware. Avril finds herself following her low rent boyfriend, an anonymous goth. She's a child of the streets after all. It's a painful trip of angst. Fist to broken mirror included!!

Buy "Girlfriend"

The Best Damn Thing (2007)
“Girlfriend”
Avril Lavigne finally caught onto the game she was playing. “Girlfriend” was her knockout cheerleader rant hit and the video is a sticky guilty pleasure. It was once the most viewed video on YouTube and for good reasons. It's easy to make fun of, but that's what we were supposed to do. There's a cute dark haired boy. There's two girls. One who has him and one who “deserves” him. Avril Lavigne is the protagonist and antagonist ala Taylor Swift, “You Belong With Me”. AND, it all takes place at a Golf N Stuff (Family Fun Center).

Buy "What The Hell"

Goodbye Lullaby (2011)
“What The Hell”
You can argue this song parodies the Avril Lavigne sonic sounds and lyrical content she's made her brand off of. It does, all in a tongue in cheek way. It makes sense that the video follows suit. You see Avril Lavigne being a bad girl, stealing taxi cabs. You can even find her mother making a cameo as a store clerk.

Buy "Rock N Roll"

Avril Lavigne (2013)
“Rock N Roll”
Say what you want about the visual for “Here's To Never Growing Up”, it was fun, candy coated, and predictable. And, arguably “Hello Kitty” was the worst, but nothing was more middle finger raising about expectations for an Avril Lavigne video then “Rock N Roll”. There's product placement (Can I make it any more obvious?). Cartoon graphics circa the campy Batman in the sixties and some Katy Perry kissing girls action. It has it all and exactly what you would want from Avril Lavigne a decade after her foray into the music industry.

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The Cover Of A Playboy Magazine

11/5/2015

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I waited to publish this article. I heard the news. I was casually on twitter not paying attention to the third party contract my professor was discussing when I find out that Playboy is no longer participating in nudity. The magazine for men is giving up it's pornographic past.

Shock. It hit me. What is Playboy without it's centerfold unfurled with bunny ears and her breasts out? The concept of boys reading Playboy for the articles throws me.

I did some research for you. Founded in 1953 by the still CEO, Hugh Hefner, Playboy was America's premier trashy magazine. With enough of a glamourized past to inspire the short lived retro throwback The Playboy Club. Not even the gorgeous Amber Heard and Eddie Cibrian could save it

The fate of the centerfold is still in question. Reasons for the change have been noted as a decreased circulation. Currently, the magazine has a subscription of 700,000 compared to it's 70's 5.6 million. Hugh Hefner cited the easy access of pornographic images in any possible combination as the reason for the change. There will still be scantily clad women.

Playboy is archaic as a symbol of patriarchal society. However, without it we wouldn't have the nudes of all the famous women we do. Playboy has been quite successful in this endeavor. Marilyn Monroe, Farrah Fawcett, and Drew Barrymore. And, let's not forget Lindsay Lohan who said it was freeing “not to use a vaginal plug.”

I have a conflicted view of Playboy. Despite the obvious misgivings, they've done some upstanding things. They refused to publish the nudes of Vanessa Williams. Eventually, Penthouse went on to publish them forcing her to give back her crown.

Conversely, their Playgirl publication published the unsolicited nudes of Brad Pitt. The magazine sold out before it could be removed from stands.The 90's were the time to be alive. It was an intelligent business decision if not ethical.

Playboy has done some things to garner the argument that men “read it for the articles”. Stephen King got his start publishing short stories in Playboy. They've also included works by notable writers such as Ian Fleming and Margaret Atwood. Famed Japanese writer Haruki Murakami is included on their list of contributors. I wrote an article on him entitled “Translation Please” (read here).

Even, Shel Silverstein has some of his cartoon renderings included in the pages of a Playboy magazine. Apparently, Playboy was a showcase for cartoonists.

The argument that Playboy is an intellectual pursuit is slim. Even, with it's political commentary, that does tend to run liberal. A point in it's favor is that Playboy has been printed in braille. The question is do they put erotic descriptions of the centerfold in place of the picture for the blind. Or is it truly just an intellectual pursuit like it's proponents claim.

It seems like an end to an era. A new generation of children will no longer be able to find sexually explicit magazines in their father's sock drawer. Could there ever be another House Bunny movie? Is the objectification of blonde shell bombs over? And, more importantly will we ever see another Kendra Wilkinson. A girl who's fame is based solely on her large breasts and perky personality and who's husband still cheated on her. Only magazine subscriptions will tell.

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The Lana Del Rey Muse

10/8/2015

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Last month Lana Del Rey graced us with her third major label studio album when she dropped Honeymoon on September 18th. It's gorgeous. It's lush. It's Lana Del Rey of 2015.

The concept of this Throwback Thursday is to delve into the artists that Lana Del Rey credits as her “influences”. Her sound is distinctly her. The words she spits are as original as Nicki Minaj and she is nothing if not her own entity.

One of the things Lana Del Rey says is that her muses are the biggest in “their fields.” Amy Winehouse was the modern soulstress of the twenty first century. There is a distinct tie in between the two of them. Both of them play off this bad girl image of drugs and sex. Beneath all of it there's still this beautiful quality.

It's not surprising that she counts her as one of her idols. Lana has been quoted as saying “I know she's (Amy Winehouse) isn't with us anymore, but I believe she was who she was and in that way she got it right.”

Rolling Stone referenced The Crystals as one of her inspirations. I similarly pointed this out in a Throwback Thursday published a few months ago. The Crystal's were one of the more popular girl groups of the sixties and one of their songs was “He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)”. This was directly quoted in Lana's own “Ultraviolence”. Both songs are haunting and cinematic. The link between them is clear.

Buy "He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)"

Rapper Eminem has been credited as her inspiration to write about real life. The hip hop sounds she incorporates clearly demonstrate her tie to this kind of opulent sound. On occasion she's rapped a few lines herself like on “Off To The Races”. How she feels about Eminem after he rapped over an innocuous beat “I'll punch Lana Del Rey right in the face, twice like Ray Rice.”

Eminem always a proponent for women.

Buy "Off To The Races"

One of the most obvious inspirations is Nancy Sinatra. Daughter to the legendary Frank and known for her massive hit “These Boots Are Made For Walking”, Lana Del Rey is referenced as being the “gangsta Nancy Sinatra”. Of course as she later retracted with GQ “that was supposed to be a joke.” The label has nevertheless stuck. Partially due to Lana Del Rey's own retro polished image that harkens back to Nancy's heyday. And, one can't forget when Lana Del Rey's covered Nancy's hit “Summer Wine” with her ex boyfriend a few years ago.

Britney Spears is the legend that the hipster population of the United States most actively avoid. Lana Del Rey embraces her. That's clear with the easy pop sensibility of all of Lana's music. Her music clings as good as “...Baby One More Time” did for Britney in '99. It's all about the hooks and who better to garner inspiration from then Miss Britney Spears.

All Lana would need is to change her sentimental strings to joyless electronic noise to hit the top 40. Take the “Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais Remix)” as proof.

Buy "Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais Remix)"

An array of rock influences have been credited by Lana. Bruce Springsteen, Dan Auerbach, Nirvana, among others. These sounds are clearly infected on Ultraviolence. Not just because Auerbach helped helm the record. And, the aching sadness of Nirvana was conveyed without an icy guitar solo.

Honeymoon has proved what Born to Die and Ultraviolence only hinted at. The continued success of Lana Del Rey. With hit makers this strong to back her up it's no surprise she's endeared herself the way she has.

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Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Fendi, Prada

9/22/2015

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Guess who's birthday it is?

A few million people, but today I'm specifically referencing everyone's favorite female rapper: Kreayshawn. She might not be everyone's favorite. Most would say Nicki Minaj or if they wanted to go old school, Missy Elliot or Lil Kim. Some obnoxious middle schoolers from the suburbs of Sydney might say Iggy Azalea.

Years ago in the world of pop domination, Kreayshawn released the immortal “Gucci, Gucci”. It's the hip hop song of 2011. This song may not have made the top 40, but everyone knows some Kreayshawn.

Buy "Gucci Gucci"

I was first introduced to Kreayshawn and her world of misdeeds by J Lo and Thunder. Back in the good old days when J. Lo and I were still friends and Thunder hadn't moved cross country to Georgia. These are the two whitest bitches I know.

“Gucci Gucci” is the only hit that dear Kreayshawn has ever had. Although, personally I enjoyed both “Breakfast (Syrup)” and “Go Hard (La La). One of these songs had 2 Chainz on it and when you get Kreayshawn and 2 Chainz together, you know that's some good stuff.

Buy "Breakfast Syrup"

Buy "Go Hard (La La)"

Maybe America just wasn't ready for a white female rapper at this time. Kreayshawn's flows might not be the best, but their infectious. She's basically the female Juicy J and I mean that in the highest regards.

Her debut album Something 'Bout Kreay was quality. That is if your invested in the brand that is Kreayshawn. If you're not feeling “Gucci Gucci” you can't take a full length of this.

Buy Something 'Bout Kreay

My personal favorite is the album only “Left Ey3”. Some throwback background reference on this song. The title of this song is in reference to the late Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. She was the rapper in the female lead R&B girl group TLC

Now way back when in 1994 she burned her boyfriend's house down. The chorus to this Kreayshawn song is “I'm going to burn this house down like I'm fucking Left Eye”. I don't know what more quality lyric you want in your life. But, that's just my kind of pop culture rap right there.

Buy "Left Ey3"

You should read up on Left Eye. She's fascinating. In fact I should do a Throwback Thursday on her, but that's neither here nor there.

Now that's it 2015 and Kreayshawn is a footnote, what has she been up to. No new singles have been released for a follow up album to Something 'Bout Kreay.

She has released new music with Australian electronic duo Nervo. The single is called “Hey Ricky” and it was featured on their album Collateral that came out in July. And, just to remind us what a classy sophisticated broad she is, her radio show on The Cut is called “Lost in Thot”.

Buy "Hey Ricky"

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Grease Is The Word

7/1/2015

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There's nothing more iconic then Grease. It's one of those movies everyone has to see. There's not a single person who doesn't like this movie. You can't trust someone who doesn't like Grease. If they don't like this movie their obviously going through some mental issues that you don't have the time to help them work through.

This movie came out in the summer of 1978. Not only was the movie a smash, but it's soundtrack became the definitive Grease. It boasted the Frankie Valli led theme song “Grease”, two outings with Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in the lead with “You're The One That I Want” and “Summer Nights”, along with the Olivia Newton John solo “Hopelessly Devoted To You”. It's no surprise that it went on to sell over 28 million copies worldwide.

I became a proud owner recently and I might I add that it was the best decision of my entire life. If you grew up with this movie in your life. You need the soundtrack. Anyone who decides to get rid of it should be hospitalized.

Of course I suffered through the movie again, so I could accurately throwback. Let's just start with that cartoon intro. I have a soft place for it in my heart. It's so cute and adorable. It's perfect actually. It invokes childhood and that's what this movie is for most of us.

I feel like the obsession that Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta had with one another was never really expressed well enough. Now don't get me wrong. John Travolta was kind of hot with that cigarette dangling out of his mouth. What happened to him. Neither of them aged particularly well, but Olivia is 66. She looks good, I just feel like John got his face pulled one too many times.

Rewatching this movie as an “adult” I caught so many things. Danny and Kenickie had there three friends. They acted a fool. They were basically the three stooges. All of the T-Birds acted out masculinity. Danny and Kenickie had that moment when they were like “I love you as a bro” and then they pretended to be chill. Because, real men don't have emotions or care about people. Whatever.

As a child I never caught that Rizzo was pregnant. Rizzo is honestly my favorite character. I understand and relate to her the most. She's a strong female. Who just kind of powers through with this strength. She's also queen bitch of the Pink Ladies and lord knows I need that jacket. My favorite song in the whole movie is “There Are Worse Things I Could Do”. She lists all these things that are terrible things, but the worst possible thing she can do is cry in front of Kenickie. I feel that on a spiritual level. There are plenty of boys that have made me cry, but I be damned if I'm going to cry in front of them.

The romance between Kenickie and Rizzo is also a lot closer to my heart. Kenickie is supposed to be this bad boy who has all this sex, but he lost his virginity to Rizzo. Do not be mistaken. When there in that car he says “it broke. I bought it in the 7th grade.” He's talking about a condom. He wanted to be cool. That's it. Rizzo decides it doesn't matter and they have sex.

When she gets pregnant and Kenickie finally finds out he wants to be there for her. Yes. He's excited when it turns out she isn't, but they're barely out of high school. That's not as douchey as it seems. I just love them. I love them so much.

This movie is problematic. There's no denying that. However, watching it with a critical eye I realize that Sandy wasn't the only one changing. Danny tried changing for her. Danny at his core was a good guy. It was all the posturing with the T-Birds that made him act like an ass. Whenever, he hurt Sandy's feelings it was to impress them.

The only time I don't see why he was so insistent was when they were in the drive in movie and he kind of forced himself on her. That seemed unnecessary. It's the kind of thing Danny Zuko was supposed to do and that's why I think he acted on it.

He also tried sports for Sandy. He decided to go prep for Sandy at the end, and then Olivia Newton-John came out in that sexy skin tight black patent leather and slayed the world with that hair. Sandy made the change so she could be with Danny, but I really feel it was something she was comfortable doing. The reason her ears weren't pierced was because of her father. She was a good girl.

Sandy's friends and the people she aligned herself with were the delinquents. I think this transition was for her. Now, that doesn't mean this isn't problematic, but it's the way it is. It's also ironic that they both tried to change for each other when the theme song of Grease literally says “we can be who we are”.

The dance was pivotal. Marty through herself at the older announcer. Rizzo slayed up and down that fucking gym floor in that red spotted dress. I just love Stockard Channing. Killed it. Of course Danny fucked up again when he let himself dance with Cha Cha, who as Frenchie put it was “the best dancer at St. Bernadette's with the worst reputation.” Cha Cha was hot, though. I blame Danny and I also don't blame him.

"Beauty School Dropout"

Frenchie is the only one who made it in Grease 2 (and no we're not talking about that train wreck). She turned her hair a lovely shade of pink. She was sweet and loveable. Frankie Avalon sang to her and told her not to become a beautician unless she wanted to style hookers. Which, really sounds like a lot of fun.

The car scene where they raced on thunder roadvmade my day. I teared up a little. It was amazing. My father cut the “Greased Lightening” scene out of the VHS tape. I guess he didn't want me seeing John Travolta gyrating in suggestive manners. He didn't want me to get the wrong idea.

The only other thing about this movie that I just adored was how short the boys shorts were. To have been alive in the racist homophobic era of the fifties would have been so much fun.

Someday I hope to also be dressed in skin tight leather. A cigarette in my hand. Cue the music and say “Tell me about it. Stud.” And crush the cigarette under my stiletto. Grease is life goals

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He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)

5/21/2015

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Singer Little Eva is claimed to be the inspiration for the Crystal's song “He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)”. She was regularly being beaten by her boyfriend and when asked why she put up with it, she said something to the effect of “He does it because he loves me.” Now, the only reason I know this song is because my great aunt enjoy the Crystals, and as a child she would pull out the record machine and slip it on.

That's why when I was listening to Lana Del Rey's “Ultraviolence” I was pleasantly surprised to hear her referencing such a hauntingly straight forward song, sung in such a sweet complacency you wonder if they were one of Lily Allen's inspirations.

The shocking thing about Little Eva is that she was a star. She made the song “Locomotion” popular long before Kylie Minogue gained recognition with it in the United States. Her name can be added to a long list of popular women who have faced domestic abuse. Jessica Simpson, Tyra Banks, even Oprah who has stated that “love doesn't hurt.”

Buy "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)"

But, these women have simply joined a pedigreed list of women who include Tina Turner and Whitney Houston. You may even remember when Romanian singer Alexandra Stan was hospitalized after physical violence from her manager. Domestic abuse continues to happen, and it seems only natural to look back on what in pop culture has done to justify or bring awareness to it. Let's not forget not only abuse towards women, but also children. You may remember that Woody Allen made headlines recently for the sexual abuse of his daughter during her childhood.

This is something The Color Purple author Alice Walker, directly addresses with Celie's character who is not only verbally and sexually abused by her father, but follows her into adulthood where her husband takes a much more physical toll on her body.

"I have had, basically, my face bashed in, and I never did anything about it.” - Tina Turner

Even, Joan Crawford was accused (after her passing) that she physically and verbally abused all four of her children. Many have stated that they believe Christina Crawford's claims to be false. The simple timing publication of her book led to many eyebrow raising questions.

Her mother had just passed and many have said that she waited until after her mother died to publish a tell all so she could not only get part of her mother's estate, but cash in on her mother's passing. Who knows what's true. Their relationship was most certainly not perfect no matter what it was. You don't write a tell all ruining the reputation of the mother who love you unconditionally. There is truth built into Christian Crawford's retelling. Also, if you haven't seen the movie Mommie Dearest, you need to. It's a cult classic for a reason and it's terribly bad (Although, Faye Dunaway does a terrific job as Joan Crawford).

As far as the cinema goes there are many to choose from, but one of my personal favorites is the heartbreaking The Burning Bed. Farrah Fawcett stars in the lead role of an abused housewife.

It tells the real life story of a woman who has been abused for so long by her husband that she ends up setting the bed they share on fire. Farrah Fawcett does a terrific job and its one of the most heartfelt performances I've ever seen her give. A must watch, It's not on netflix, but if you see it in the stores pick it up. It's well worth the price of admission.

Now, this is a guilty pleasure. If you've never seen Julia Roberts Sleeping With the Enemy, you need to. This movie is at it's core a psychological thriller with a candy coated plot. Not nearly as deep as The Burning Bed, the lengths to which Julia Robert's is willing to go to end her abusive relationship is astounding. This is one of my favorite movies and it's not hard to connect with her abject fear.

Many songwriters have dealt head on with abuse over the years, not just the Crystals. Many of them you may know: Martina McBride's “Concrete Angels”, Kelly Rowland's “Dirty Laundry” (You may not have actually heard this song, but you know of it. This is the one where everyone said she was jealous of Beyonce. But, who isn't?), and of course “Hit Me Baby One More Time”. I still can't believe Britney tackled a tough issue at such a young age.

Hard rocker Alice Cooper wrote the song “Only Women Bleed” (Which is not about menstruation as some people suggest), but instead that only women are affected in times of domestic abuse. The great Tina Turner even covered it in 1999 for a greatest hits of Ike and Tina Turner of all things.

RuPaul, Madonna, and Pat Benatar all deal with child abuse with “Never Go Home Again”, “Oh Father”, and “Hell is for Children”. “Never Go Home Again” is certainly more directed towards a gay audience. Yes, Frankie shouldn't have to wear makeup in order to hide the scars, but a lot of it deals with the emotional side of abuse of not being able to be who you want to be. While, Madonna deals with her personal childhood in a stunning ballad that implies that her father was not only verbally abusive, but physically abusive, but that “He didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want to live this way.” Then, you have Pat Benatar with cold precision sets down the facts of child abusive in a sometimes graphic manner. Although, not a major hit, any Pat Benatar fan is likely to recognize it as one of the standouts from her album Crimes of Passion. One of the few hard 80's rock songs that songs just as hard twenty years later as it did when it was written.

“Alive” may or may not be directly about spousal abuse, but battered women have collectively used it as an anthem, and nothing stops it from being one of the most stunning songs of Jennifer Lopez's career.

A sobering fact is that according to the World Health Organization forty percent of women murdered are killed by a spouse or partner.

Buy "Concrete Angel"

Buy "Dirty Laundry"

Buy "Never Go Home Again"

Buy "Oh Father"

Buy "Hell Is For Children"

Buy "Alive"

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It's The Girls!

2/12/2015

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Not only is It's The Girls! the title of Bette Midler's fantastic new album. It's also representative of what today's Throwback Thursday. Girl groups. The doo wop and the rock n roll and the shimmying and sashaying of women all around the world.

What really started this was Fifth Harmony. You should know about them. They've been gaining a steady little fanbase. They had that one song “Boss” people really got into. They performed it on the New Year's Eve ball. Is was so funny. They were all lip syncing. It was beautiful.

It's there newest song “Sledgehammer” that's been gaining some traction. I think it's bland and completely basic, but I love it. If you could feel my pulse it would hit you like a sledgehammer. I would completely understand the inability to remain calm around your crush if I wasn't soooo cool and collected.

Buy "Sledgehammer"

Needless to say I've been jamming out to it. It got me thinking about whether girl groups were coming back. We shall see. Fifth Harmony hasn't been the success story of One Direction as of yet. And, even with the success of One Direction we've only had that 5 Seconds of Summer group make any real headway.

Girl groups were huge way back when in the fifties and sixties. I'm just going to be lazy and use Bette Midler as my jumping off point on this. You've got The Ronettes, The Chiffons, The Andrews Sisters, The Chordettes, The Crystals, The Angels. Basically if you start a girl group you have to start it out with 'the'. Of course I casually forgot to mention The Supremes. You know only one of the most successful girl groups of all times.

The Ronettes

The Andrews Sisters

The Crystals

The Chiffons

The Chordettes

The Angels

I would tell you the songs all these groups sing, but I just don't know how well up you are on your fifties culture. It was songs like “Mr. Sandman”, “Stop! In The Name of Love” and “My Boyfriends Back” that defined a generation. Or more accurately defined the aging patriarchs of my family's childhood.

Buy "Mr. Sandman"

Buy "My Boyfriend's Back"

Buy "Stop! In The Name of Love"

After the sixties. Girl groups died. I'm sure they had some, I'm just not sure what they are. The nineties were when they really picked back up. However, if we skip two decades, I wouldn't be able to mention how Joan Jett (singer of “I Love Rock n Roll”) was part of this very well received all girl rock band called The Runaways. The most successful song they had was called “Cherry Bomb”. That being said, most people don't know it.

Buy "Cherry Bomb"

Left Eye

There were two girl groups who defined the 90's. TLC and The Spice Girls. More then likely we would be hardcore fan girling over TLC if rapper Left Eye hadn't died tragically all those years ago.

Speaking of this new TLC project. I honestly don't want to hear it. I love TLC. I don't want new TLC music without Left Eye. I won't be buying it. I hope it does well for them, but I have no interest.

When it comes to The Spice Girls, this is age appropriate at this point. If all there remembered for is “Wannabe” that's all they need. That song is so iconic it hurts. And we still know who Victoria Beckham is. They may have only had three albums, but Lord knows that they are icons.

Buy "Wannabe"

You may be saying to yourself how could you forget about Destiny's Child. Because, if we're all being honest Destiny's Child is really just another name for Beyonce. Love them and all, but it's about Beyonce.

Destiny's Child

I suppose that's the question with the new girl group of Fifth Harmony. Which, one is the Beyonce? That I don't know. Time will tell. There all kind of boring. Sure their pretty, but not anything amazing. I don't know. I like that one Fifth Harmony song, but as a group they're dull. They don't have half of what The Spice Girls did.

That said wishing them luck in 2015 right along with TLC. Dominate the world. Shut it down.

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The Force Behind The Power

12/25/2014

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Good morning. Good afternoon. Merry Christmas. Today is the last day of the 12 Days of Bubbles. That is tragic, but it's also Christmas. Hopefully you all got everything you asked for. I was hoping that Matt Bomer would have proposed to me, but needless to say that didn't happen.

I have no idea what inspired this, but Diana Ross is a bad bitch. She is the voice of The Supremes. She is what I want to be when I'm 70. She is just kind of everything. Ever since she gave Taylor Swift, the Dick Clark award at the AMA's she has been in the back of my mind. And, of course I follow RuPaul and he is slick obsessed with her. If he goes a week without mentioning Diana Ross, something has gone horribly wrong.

I love Diana Ross, but I am not an invested fan. I just do not have that kind of money. It's the same reason me and Cher have not clicked like that yet. Some day, though, I will have every single one of Diana Ross's albums. You have to include the albums she did with The Supremes. Diana Ross was the Supremes. They even changed the name of the group from The Supremes to Diana Ross & The Supremes. That is 18 albums you need. Now The Supremes did have a few more albums after Diana Ross left, but nothing as substantial.

Then, she has 24 solo albums. 24 + 18 is a lot of music. I want to invest in Diana Ross, but I just don't know if I could handle that. Diana Ross has been legend status, since I was born. She is everything. My great Aunt even saw her concert once upon a time.

If you do not know who The Supremes are, I cannot help you. You must not be American. Only the most important girl group before the creation of Destiny's Child.

With such an immense back catalog it is fine not knowing all the details of Ms. Ross's career. You just got to get the highlights down. That in and of itself is a struggle. The woman has had too many hits. I have narrowed it down to a few basic sections. Her number one songs “Ain't No Mountain High Enough”, “Touch Me in the Morning”, “Do You Know Where You're Going To”, “Love Hangover”, “Upside Down”, and “Endless Love”. She has collaborated with Michael Jackson. That you should know. Think The Wiz. Her and Lionel Richie have done it up together. Let's acknowledge that the Notorious B.I.G sampled her in “Mo Money, Mo Problems”. Only a classic song right there.

As I mention all of this, I am ignoring important pertinent information. That's how extensive her impressive chart record is.

The real, true reason that I stand for Diana Ross the way that I do is because she married a billionaire. If those sound like my life goals they are. She married this Norwegian man, who's name I cannot pronounce in the eighties. Now, at this point Diana Ross had her money, she didn't need this man, but she married him anyway. Then, he decided to divorce her and she was like bitch give me your money.

Diana Ross is filthy rich. Get yourself a billionaire, Diana. Go get you one. Diana Ross robbed that man the way, Ivanka robbed Donald Trump. As Ivanka Trump once said, “Don't get mad, get everything!”

Diana Ross is a goddess. She is also beautiful, so gag me now, because it's only going down hill from here. There is no reason not to be obsessed with Diana Ross. I even follow her on twitter and she has never tweeted anything. And, you all know how shaky my follower to following ratio is. For someone is a waste for me to follow, I have invested in Diana Ross.

As a general rule I call her Ms. Ross, but the distinction is up to you. Also, because today is Christmas, remember that there is a Diana Ross Christmas album. It was never released in the United States for some odd reason, but that is besides the point. You can find it on Amazon. Go get you some Diana Ross and roast some chestnuts on an open fire, even though I fucking hate that song.

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They're Back Pitches

12/18/2014

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The trailer has finally come out for the sequel of the decade.

Pitch Perfect will be slapping us in the face on May 15th of 2015. I'm ready. I have been ready. This movie is all I'm really living for. That and Madonna's new album and subsequent tour.

I've seen Pitch Perfect a million odd times. I was obsessed with this movie. I had Pitch Perfect viewing parties. I forced people to watch this movie. I would still force people to watch it. I love it. Of course I have the soundtrack. If you don't have it, you are not acatastic. You are probably a member of the Sockapellas. I don't know what to say to you.

If you haven't seen this movie I can't be friends with you. Funny thing about that is that's something I said to Buttercup and it came true. This movie is also the reason I stopped talking to Miss Sara Bellum. This movie has systematically ruined my friendships.

It's like an addiction.

Now of course Sara Bellum and I are friends again. It did however put a deep riff in our friendship. We didn't talk for a good eight months? I don't know. I would tell you all the dirty details of why this severed our loving relationship, but honestly I don't remember what it was about. Like it was the high note that lost The Treblemakers the national championship, but it wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It just was the final breaking point.

This movie is the reason for a lot of my obsessions. I love Rebel Wilson, I even watcher her not very good show Super Fun Night, because of her role as Fat Amy. I have also danced like a mermaid, because of her. I am an embarrassment to society.

It also introduced me to Anna Kendrick, who is hysterical on twitter. I've said that before. I will say it everyday. I love her twitter account. She may not tweet a lot, but when she does you retweet it. You add it to your favorites. You embrace it as part of your family.

To the dude who just called me a "spinner" - You think I haven't seen enough porn to know what that means, but the joke's on YOU. Wait.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 10, 2014

Then, there is Ester Dean who plays Cynthia Rose. The fiercest lesbian. Ester Dean is just a bad ass singer/songwriter. She's written for Beyonce, Rihanna, and Nicki Minaj. I repeat that she has written for BEYONCE. Once, you've written for Beyonce you can just die. Your life goals have been completed.

I might be a common white girl being obsessed with Pitch Perfect the way I am. After all everyone was obsessed with this movie. I just love this movie so much. We are all ready for this sequel. This movie slays me. I do not mind saying that. I will be a common white girl. I wear scarves to school and I bought 1989 the day it came out. Sometimes you just got to be a stereotype.

The reason I did this throwback Thursday was so I would put it out there that Pitch Perfect 2 is coming to theaters in May, but knowing me I will end up doing a Media Monday article on the fact that my favorite movie is coming out, and then a Friday Favorites on how great this movie is. Be prepared for the onslaught.

Also Todrick Hall put out a very funny, Pitch Perfect parody, Bitch Perfect on YouTube in November. I love it and it also makes me very uncomfortable. You know Todrick. Embrace it or don't. I'm in between on that. I'm honestly not sure, which way I'm leaning.

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1988

11/20/2014

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When Taylor Swift named her new album 1989 she just missed an important year in music history. Her birth year was practically out of the eighties and her observation that '80's music just felt so right' is tepid. It's been right,since 2008. Lady Gaga anyone.

Not to discredit 1989. It was a great year. Madonna's iconic critical and commercial phenomenon Like a Prayer was released (including the cross burning video), disco Queen Donna Summer had her last top ten hit with “This Time I Know Its For Real”, Bette Midler had her number one hit “Wind Beneath My Wings”, and Cher continued her musical comeback with Heart of Stone and it's two top ten hits “If I Could Turn Back Time” and fan favorite “Just Like Jesse James”.

And, that's just the highlights of my music catalogue. 1989 was a great year, and it was ground zero for the biggest country/pop crossover of all time.

But, it was only recently that I thought of Paula Abdul. I was at home. Not at my morning class, watching Wendy Williams as one does, when Paula Abdul came on. I love her so much. I don't know why anyone hates on her. She's fantastic. I don't know how she's so nice.

I was just enamored by this interview and I had to write a Throwback Thursday, so here we are. Now I was not born in the eighties. I am barely a nineties baby. However, I enjoy this decade. Especially, Paula Abdul's number one hit “Straight Up”. Her first in a string of hits from her first album.

People my age know her for American Idol, what I don't think they realize is that she was a colossal commercial success by herself. She should be icon status. Her debut album had five top ten hits (four number ones), a feat achieved by the likes of Fergie and Katy Perry. Hallowed ground.

When Jennifer Lopez became popular there were many comparisons to Paula Abdul. Citing her mediocre voice and reliance on record producers for hits. They expected Jennifer to fade out just like Paula did, but a decade later and Jennifer is still here.

The question I ask is why Paula fell away. She may not have written her own music, but she had an ear for what would sell. Not something to undermine. That's how Rihanna does it. Her second album followed up the commercial success of Forever Your Girl with another commercial success that went multi-platinum and produced the iconic “Rush Rush”.

After Spellbound, she released her as of 2014 final album Head Over Heels that despite only minor impact still sold over a million copies in the United States. This was deemed a commercial failure and Paula was dropped by her record label.

She disappeared after this. This album may not have been the high point of her career, but it wasn't a disappointment. Over the years there have been multiple rumors of new material, even a Kylie Minogue hit that was supposed to be on Paula Abdul's 'new' album that has never surfaced.

At this point. We will never get new music from Paula Abdul, leave what was a solid career at that. A solid career. Dancer, head cheerleader, extremely successful musician. Paula Abdul is not a side note. She was incredibly relevant to what was pop culture.

Her popularity even brought around Shut Up And Dance (The Dance Mixes)one of the most successful remix albums of all time. Sitting behind Michael Jackson's pseudo remix and studio album Blood on the Dancefloor, Madonna's You Can Dance, and Jennifer Lopez's J to tha L-O.

The critics weren't wrong. The only difference between Jennifer and Paula is that Jenny's from the Bronx and Paula's from the west coast. Both started out as dancers. Both had successful recording careers. Both ended up on American Idol. A coincedence?

I think not.