Category: Bitches

Anger, Italians, And Football

12/31/2015

Surprise bitches. I'm doing a post on football. Yes, football isn't my thing. My family only watches it on Thanksgiving and we might have it on during the Super Bowl, but this blog is an open and accepting place. Even of football.

Let me just tell you how horrible and tragic my life is. There I am in my group in business management. We're supposed to be doing a project on an influential leader. Whoever that may be. We have a lot of great options. Powerful presidents, Joan of Arc. Hitler. We are doing good. Then, from across the penalty line I heard the words “Vince Lombardi”.

Do I know who Vince Lombardi is? No. Do I care who he is? No. I think there is no way we're going to end up with him.

We end up with Vince Lombardi.

I ended up writing a 10 page paper on the man behind the early success of the Green Bay Packers. If your really interested in reading it. Email me. Leave a comment. I want to share this awful experience with someone besides my professor.

I learned a lot of things. I got the good highlights my group members. I refused to do any of the research. Vince Lombardi was the son of an immigrant. An angry Catholic and Italian. He played football in high school and college.

For most of his career he was an assistant coach. First at a high school. Then for Red Blaik. Another infamous football coach. Where he learned a lot. Red Blaik was coach for Army. And, according to his wikipedia page he was really good.

Vince Lombardi transformed football. Apparently. He was a yeller. He had a horrible temper, but most importantly he knew how to motivate people to win. His first dalliance into the world of professional football was as an assistant for the New York Giants. Another pretty good team.

It wasn't until he coached for the Green Bay Packers that he became an emblem of American masculinity. Apparently he had a tireless work ethic. He turned the team around. They never had a losing season. Whatever that means and Vince Lombardi didn't believe in losing.

Under his leadership they won every Super Bowl they played. I and II. If that's not an achievement I don't know what is.

At some point he said “fuck the Green Bay Packers” and went away. He only returned briefly to professional football, coaching the Washington Redskins.

Then, he died.

The man had cancer. But, it's okay, because they named the Super Bowl trophy after him. He's iconic. And, everyone's favorite LGBT supporter. Vince Lombardi is a boss. As only an Italian could be.

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Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Fendi, Prada

9/22/2015

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Guess who's birthday it is?

A few million people, but today I'm specifically referencing everyone's favorite female rapper: Kreayshawn. She might not be everyone's favorite. Most would say Nicki Minaj or if they wanted to go old school, Missy Elliot or Lil Kim. Some obnoxious middle schoolers from the suburbs of Sydney might say Iggy Azalea.

Years ago in the world of pop domination, Kreayshawn released the immortal “Gucci, Gucci”. It's the hip hop song of 2011. This song may not have made the top 40, but everyone knows some Kreayshawn.

Buy "Gucci Gucci"

I was first introduced to Kreayshawn and her world of misdeeds by J Lo and Thunder. Back in the good old days when J. Lo and I were still friends and Thunder hadn't moved cross country to Georgia. These are the two whitest bitches I know.

“Gucci Gucci” is the only hit that dear Kreayshawn has ever had. Although, personally I enjoyed both “Breakfast (Syrup)” and “Go Hard (La La). One of these songs had 2 Chainz on it and when you get Kreayshawn and 2 Chainz together, you know that's some good stuff.

Buy "Breakfast Syrup"

Buy "Go Hard (La La)"

Maybe America just wasn't ready for a white female rapper at this time. Kreayshawn's flows might not be the best, but their infectious. She's basically the female Juicy J and I mean that in the highest regards.

Her debut album Something 'Bout Kreay was quality. That is if your invested in the brand that is Kreayshawn. If you're not feeling “Gucci Gucci” you can't take a full length of this.

Buy Something 'Bout Kreay

My personal favorite is the album only “Left Ey3”. Some throwback background reference on this song. The title of this song is in reference to the late Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. She was the rapper in the female lead R&B girl group TLC

Now way back when in 1994 she burned her boyfriend's house down. The chorus to this Kreayshawn song is “I'm going to burn this house down like I'm fucking Left Eye”. I don't know what more quality lyric you want in your life. But, that's just my kind of pop culture rap right there.

Buy "Left Ey3"

You should read up on Left Eye. She's fascinating. In fact I should do a Throwback Thursday on her, but that's neither here nor there.

Now that's it 2015 and Kreayshawn is a footnote, what has she been up to. No new singles have been released for a follow up album to Something 'Bout Kreay.

She has released new music with Australian electronic duo Nervo. The single is called “Hey Ricky” and it was featured on their album Collateral that came out in July. And, just to remind us what a classy sophisticated broad she is, her radio show on The Cut is called “Lost in Thot”.

Buy "Hey Ricky"

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They're Back Pitches

12/18/2014

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The trailer has finally come out for the sequel of the decade.

Pitch Perfect will be slapping us in the face on May 15th of 2015. I'm ready. I have been ready. This movie is all I'm really living for. That and Madonna's new album and subsequent tour.

I've seen Pitch Perfect a million odd times. I was obsessed with this movie. I had Pitch Perfect viewing parties. I forced people to watch this movie. I would still force people to watch it. I love it. Of course I have the soundtrack. If you don't have it, you are not acatastic. You are probably a member of the Sockapellas. I don't know what to say to you.

If you haven't seen this movie I can't be friends with you. Funny thing about that is that's something I said to Buttercup and it came true. This movie is also the reason I stopped talking to Miss Sara Bellum. This movie has systematically ruined my friendships.

It's like an addiction.

Now of course Sara Bellum and I are friends again. It did however put a deep riff in our friendship. We didn't talk for a good eight months? I don't know. I would tell you all the dirty details of why this severed our loving relationship, but honestly I don't remember what it was about. Like it was the high note that lost The Treblemakers the national championship, but it wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It just was the final breaking point.

This movie is the reason for a lot of my obsessions. I love Rebel Wilson, I even watcher her not very good show Super Fun Night, because of her role as Fat Amy. I have also danced like a mermaid, because of her. I am an embarrassment to society.

It also introduced me to Anna Kendrick, who is hysterical on twitter. I've said that before. I will say it everyday. I love her twitter account. She may not tweet a lot, but when she does you retweet it. You add it to your favorites. You embrace it as part of your family.

To the dude who just called me a "spinner" - You think I haven't seen enough porn to know what that means, but the joke's on YOU. Wait.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 10, 2014

Then, there is Ester Dean who plays Cynthia Rose. The fiercest lesbian. Ester Dean is just a bad ass singer/songwriter. She's written for Beyonce, Rihanna, and Nicki Minaj. I repeat that she has written for BEYONCE. Once, you've written for Beyonce you can just die. Your life goals have been completed.

I might be a common white girl being obsessed with Pitch Perfect the way I am. After all everyone was obsessed with this movie. I just love this movie so much. We are all ready for this sequel. This movie slays me. I do not mind saying that. I will be a common white girl. I wear scarves to school and I bought 1989 the day it came out. Sometimes you just got to be a stereotype.

The reason I did this throwback Thursday was so I would put it out there that Pitch Perfect 2 is coming to theaters in May, but knowing me I will end up doing a Media Monday article on the fact that my favorite movie is coming out, and then a Friday Favorites on how great this movie is. Be prepared for the onslaught.

Also Todrick Hall put out a very funny, Pitch Perfect parody, Bitch Perfect on YouTube in November. I love it and it also makes me very uncomfortable. You know Todrick. Embrace it or don't. I'm in between on that. I'm honestly not sure, which way I'm leaning.

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Good Christian Bitches

10/10/2014

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Thank God for GCB. This show saved my life. I miss it so much. There was only one season, and two years later I still want this show back.

The real problem this show had was that it was a mid-season replacement for Pan-Am. You remember that retro show about the stewardesses. That was just one of the many retro shows they tried to do that year. All the stations were trying to capitalize on the popularity of Mad Men. Every single one of those shows was canceled. I even liked the one NBC did, The Playboy Club. Amber Heard was in it and she is so sexy. Then, Eddie Cibrian was in it.

I guess middle America wasn't ready for all that sex. I was. I saw every single episode. Granted, that show didn't even make it to the mid-season mark. They canceled after three episodes? Tragedy.

This all happened the year that Desperate Housewives was in its final season. And, with the cancellation of Pan-Am they had to find a mid-season replacement. GCB originally titled “Good Christian Bitches” until it was deemed to inappropriate.

The issue came in that this show came in right after Desperate Housewives. It was originally meant to be a replacement for Desperate Housewives the following year, but after the cancellation of Pan-Am it got pushed forward.

The way the Sunday line up worked was, Desperate Housewives, then GCB. It was basically two hours of the same show. There are some undeniable similarities, and people did not have time for that. We were all broken up over this being the final season of Desperate Housewives to care about this new show.

Of course I watched. I wasn't supposed to. I also wasn't supposed to watch Desperate Housewives but that isn't the point. My parents didn't want me watching it because it slandered good christian people. Just like I wasn't supposed to watch The Playboy Club but I did anyway.

That was another problem, GCB had was that it offended the staunch christian conservatives. If they actually watched the show they would have realized it wasn't making fun of Christians and that it made some very good points. But, that is just my opinion.

The central premise of the show was that Amanda (Leslie Bibb) is moving back to Texas to live with her over bearing mother Gigi (Annie Potts) after her husband dies in a car crash biting off more then he can chew. Amanda was the mean girl in high school and all of the girls she picked on our out to ruin her life. This includes Carlene Cockburn (Kristen Chenoweth), Cricket Caruth-Reilly (Miriam Shor), and Sharon Peacham (Jennifer Aspen). There's also sweet darling Heather Cruz (Marisol Nichols) who can't find a man, but she's not really pitted against anyone.

For the record Cricket does not have herpes.

Amanda despite the fact that she is living with her mother refuses to let her pay for things, and ends up working at Boobylicious as a waitress. To the scandal of the entire church set- and her mother. This show was dirt. This show was high stakes drama and humor. It was great.

What ABC kept forgetting is that Sunday nights are a tough time slot. They cancellled the next two shows they put in the 10/9 central time slot, because they got worse ratings then GCB. Of course I shamelessly watched both of them. 666 Park Avenue was great. Vanessa Williams was in it. That's all you need to know. It's about a creepy apartment run by the devil and Vanessa Williams was in it. Need I say more.

The next show they replaced that with was Red Widow. To be honest I only saw the first episode, and not even the whole thing. The show was not that good. I would have been thoroughly irritated if they cancelled GCB for this show. Its been two years, but ABC needs to bring GCB back. The problem I feel now is that all of these women are not just sitting around waiting for roles.

These people have other jobs. We couldn't get the original cast back together and there would be no point, then. I want it back so badly. You need to watch it, even if it's just for Cricket's gay husband Blake. Mark Deklin embodies sex. Swooning right here.

The women of this show are attractive. But, Blake. Oh, dear god. I can't even. Also, I realize the show ended on a “cliff hanger”. Yes and no. Only one thing wasn't resolved. But, we have all watched TV enough to know what the end result was going to be. This is a spoiler I suppose, but the world saw it coming. Amanda kisses the very hot pastor while they're in Mexico. That is the one thing that is unresolved.

At the same time. If season two had happened they would have tried to hide their love, eventually dated, decided it was too complicated, and somewhere near the end of season 8 finally realized they loved each other all along and gotten married. That's what would have happened.

Netflix this bitch. Buy the first season on DVD, because those liars at ABC mislead us and labeled it as the complete first season even though they had no intention of renewing it for a second.

There is always the chance it will come back. This show received the largest online petition ever to save a show. Wendy Williams rallied around to get this show saved. It could happen. Remember how The Game was canceled for two years? If not you have ten wonderful episodes to watch. Embrace it and thank God for good christian bitches.

Side note: GCB was inspired by the similarly titled book by Kim Gaitlin. The show is a loose interpretation of the book and its not my favorite book by a long stretch, however it is a good fun quick little read. So, that's definitely something to check out if you like the show.

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Anger, Italians, And Football

Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Fendi, Prada

They're Back Pitches

Good Christian Bitches

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