If you flashback to twitter a few weeks ago. You may recall my little obsessions with Chris Mears and Tom Daley. Let me clarify that by Great Britain can take my body, what I really mean is that their Olympic diving team can do whatever they want with me.
I was having a mental block on what I should do for Snapshot Saturday and I said why not just talk about sexy divers. Obviously. I considered just doing Tom Daley or just Chris Mears, but more skin is better then less skin. I am so sorry to their teammate Jack Laugher that I am not talking about.
In real life he would be hot as fuck and I would date him, but he is up against Tom Daley and Chris Mears. Sorry, that your just not that attractive. They're perfect and you sir are a solid 8 out of 10. I am not judging. I'm a good 4.5 in good lighting. I could never get Tom or Chris. Or you. You're still sexy.
Actually at the moment neither Tom nor Chris are available. They are both dating these ugly sluts. I don't even know what Chris Mear's girlfriend is. Maybe I could get Tom. Because, his standards are not set as high as they should be.
Chris Mears on the other hand. I don't even know who he's dating, but I'm sure she's basic. He is very straight. However, he posed in GT. Naked mind you. I have seen all the pictures. You don't see his penis so fill free to google it. They were the pictures for the background on my computer and my lock screen. I wanted him for Christmas so bad and it didn't happen.
By the way GT stands for Gay Times. I did not know this. I had to look it up and he was in their naked issue. Can we just say I would totally subscribe to this magazine if he was in it every month. Gag me with a spoon already.
It might just be me. I am queen of the sluts after all.
As I said Chris Mears naked body was and is the background on my computer. This went out of my mind. I was sitting in the front row of my math class. My professor is like open your laptop's were going to take a practice quiz or whatever it was. I filtered out that Chris Mears in all of his sexiness was on my computer. I don't think my classmates were surprised per say, but honestly I don't need to prove to people that I'm a whore. They figure that out for themselves.
The same co-worker who didn't know Tom Daley was gay also made me pick between him and Zac Efron.
Like, yes he is a step below Zac Efron, but let me explain myself. So, Tom Daley is cute and sexy, but he's best friends with Elton John. To me, Elton John is like a king I've never invested in. He slays me, but I don't want his music. But, if I can get in good with Elton John, I might meet Madonna. Because, you know they have that love, hate friendship. Having sex with Zac Efron every night will not compare to meeting Madonna. It's Madonna. I have my priorities straight.
Also, Elton John hangs out with the sexiest people ever, so if Tom ever did leave me I would have back up. I could date a porn star. Yes. Elton John is a dirty old man and he just casually hangs out with this porn star, who is very attractive by the way. I don't know his name, but if you're going to watch porn I say watch quality porn. And, I feel like this boy would provide that.
If I have not given you proof as to why you should date a swimmer, I don't know what more I can do to convince you. You might need to realize that you are a lesbian and I support you. Like that's okay. Sacajawea told me she didn't think Tom Daley was hot and I almost spit my coffee on her. What a dumb bitch.