American Pharoah

The last time I did a Snapshot Saturday on an animal was way back when in 2014 when I wrote on Lady Gaga's adorable little dog Asia.

Recently, I have not been able to get away from American Pharoah. He is EVERYWHERE. He is invading my life. He's in Vogue. He's on TV. He's on my tumblr feed. I want to say I'm over it, but I've decided to fan girl.

Now in case you didn't know. American Pharoah is a Triple Crown Winner. American Pharoah is a horse. The three races he won were the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Belmont Stakes. The three most important races in horse stampeding around a track.

The Kentucky Derby is life goals to me. I want to get dressed up in my finery and a big ass hat, wave a fan and sit in a crowd of wealthy rednecks and bet on horses. It sounds luxurious. And, if you live in Kentucky it really is the only social event of the year. I hope you aren't afraid of horses.

I'm not sure if it's possible to be attracted to a horse. The last time I rode a horse was when I was seven. Maybe I was six, but I digress. American Pharoah is stunning. Glamour. He could walk down a runway in vintage Chanel if he wanted and I would buy it.

This horse looks better then me and I'm not about that life. 

This horse is also the reason the twins and I did not tie for second place when we played trivia. It was spelling night and they asked us to spell American Pharoah. I was convinced that it was a trick question. We spelled it American Farrow. Systematically losing the one point it took to tie for second place.

American Pharoah and Dortmund

American Pharoah and Smokey

Now, American Pharoah is also living a better life then the rest of us. He has a private jet. You heard it hear first. American Pharoah has his own custom jumbot jet. According to Vogue when he recently arrived in Louisville he had a police escort back to his stables, because of the throng of fans hoping to see him.

He is a horse.

American Pharoah has earned this right. According to his trainer Bob Baffert he is “letting the horse dictate where we'll run”. The horse can't speak and through telecommunication he's like “nah bitch, fuck this track.” This is insane.

The one thing you must know about American Pharoah is that he loves carrots. If your a fan the only acceptable gift is carrots. They must be small and already peeled. Even, then his security might not let him eat them.

The horse is leading the life we deserve to live. The life we want. His siring rights have already been sold off. Soon there will be little baby American Pharoah's living in America's greener pastures and air conditioned stables.

God help the rich.