Great Britain Can Take My Body Now

If you flashback to twitter a few weeks ago. You may recall my little obsessions with Chris Mears and Tom Daley. Let me clarify that by Great Britain can take my body, what I really mean is that their Olympic diving team can do whatever they want with me.

I was having a mental block on what I should do for Snapshot Saturday and I said why not just talk about sexy divers. Obviously. I considered just doing Tom Daley or just Chris Mears, but more skin is better then less skin. I am so sorry to their teammate Jack Laugher that I am not talking about. 

Tom Daley

Chris Mears

In real life he would be hot as fuck and I would date him, but he is up against Tom Daley and Chris Mears. Sorry, that your just not that attractive. They're perfect and you sir are a solid 8 out of 10. I am not judging. I'm a good 4.5 in good lighting. I could never get Tom or Chris. Or you. You're still sexy.

Actually at the moment neither Tom nor Chris are available. They are both dating these ugly sluts. I don't even know what Chris Mear's girlfriend is. Maybe I could get Tom. Because, his standards are not set as high as they should be. 

Tom Daley with boyfriend Dustin Lance Black

Side note that Tom Daley is bisexual. I had to break this news to my co-worker and she was heart broken. I found out about Tom Daley, because well first he's a super attractive British diver. Obviously. I'm into it. Secondly, his coming out video is literally the cutest thing ever.

He makes it clear that he is bisexual. It's important not to erase that and just say that's he's gay or just say that he's straight. I will never meet him and therefore never date him. The man he's dating right now is a screenwriter named Dustin Lance Black. This man is the reason Tom acknowledged to the world that he liked men. I don't blame him. Men are sexy, but this is the man who got Tom Daley to be true to himself. WTF.

Chris Mears on the other hand. I don't even know who he's dating, but I'm sure she's basic. He is very straight. However, he posed in GT. Naked mind you. I have seen all the pictures. You don't see his penis so fill free to google it. They were the pictures for the background on my computer and my lock screen. I wanted him for Christmas so bad and it didn't happen.

By the way GT stands for Gay Times. I did not know this. I had to look it up and he was in their naked issue. Can we just say I would totally subscribe to this magazine if he was in it every month. Gag me with a spoon already.

The current background on my computer

It might just be me. I am queen of the sluts after all.

As I said Chris Mears naked body was and is the background on my computer. This went out of my mind. I was sitting in the front row of my math class. My professor is like open your laptop's were going to take a practice quiz or whatever it was. I filtered out that Chris Mears in all of his sexiness was on my computer. I don't think my classmates were surprised per say, but honestly I don't need to prove to people that I'm a whore. They figure that out for themselves.

The same co-worker who didn't know Tom Daley was gay also made me pick between him and Zac Efron.

I was like this bitch. After some time, I came up with my answer. It might surprise you that I picked Tom Daley.  

Like, yes he is a step below Zac Efron, but let me explain myself. So, Tom Daley is cute and sexy, but he's best friends with Elton John. To me, Elton John is like a king I've never invested in. He slays me, but I don't want his music. But, if I can get in good with Elton John, I might meet Madonna. Because, you know they have that love, hate friendship. Having sex with Zac Efron every night will not compare to meeting Madonna. It's Madonna. I have my priorities straight.

Also, Elton John hangs out with the sexiest people ever, so if Tom ever did leave me I would have back up. I could date a porn star. Yes. Elton John is a dirty old man and he just casually hangs out with this porn star, who is very attractive by the way. I don't know his name, but if you're going to watch porn I say watch quality porn. And, I feel like this boy would provide that. 

If I have not given you proof as to why you should date a swimmer, I don't know what more I can do to convince you. You might need to realize that you are a lesbian and I support you. Like that's okay. Sacajawea told me she didn't think Tom Daley was hot and I almost spit my coffee on her. What a dumb bitch.